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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think some people really don't get look after the pennies...

224 replies

XCChamps · 11/09/2015 17:27

and the pounds look after themselves. And that it really is true.

I have a colleague who's son is living in US. She's never been to visit him because she "can't afford to". Yet she comes into the office every day with a takeaway latte and buys a sandwich for lunch and something from Cook for her and her DH's dinner almost everyday. So as not to drip feed, she finishes work at 3pm, so it's not like she's finishing a long day with no time to cook.

Obviously it's her choice and if she'd rather buy those things than visit her son, that's up to her but she doesn't seem to understand how much she's spending and that before long it would add up to enough for that plane ticket.

I see/hear it loads. People spending regularly on unnecessary bits and pieces that they don't even really enjoy and then complaining loudly and frequently about how broke they are.

Does no-one know about looking after the pennies....?

OP posts:
2legit2knit · 11/09/2015 17:33

I understand the concept, I just tend not to put it into practice Blush Well, I do but only for a few weeks, and then I slip into bad habits/ get fed up with reminding DH that's what we're doing Hmm

EatShitDerek · 11/09/2015 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shiningdew · 11/09/2015 17:36

I can be like this. I can be a bit 'want it NOW' though.

I'm sure it's got something to do with having no money until I was 18!

Pinkandpurplepills · 11/09/2015 17:39

I know what u mean. My friend is about £4000 in debt with credit cards and stuff. But she still goes for a Costa or buys a month of Netflix because "its just a couple of quid/ideserve a treat" and then drones on about how much debt she is in!!

Bollox. Pay off ur debt!

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 11/09/2015 17:42

Sometimes it's the small treats that makes life more enjoyable, particularly if you're stuck in the daily grind.

Have you tried saying to her that if she popped the money she spends on a daily coffee etc into a jar she might be able to go and visit her son in time?

Original poster
XCChamps · 11/09/2015 17:43

I completely get the thing about treats making life good, but if it's a habit and you're doing it almost everyday, it ceases to be a treat and doesn't give that "treat" feeling anymore.

OP posts:
Carlywurly · 11/09/2015 17:44

Totally agree. I know people who smoke, have large Costa coffees every morning, baguettes for lunch and get taxis all over the place but can't afford a deposit for a house or a holiday. Little habits add up to thousands a year.

Everyone has such different priorities for money though. My sister spends what I consider to be a fortune eating out. I have the equivalent cost's worth of clothes. We're all different.

LidlSoph · 11/09/2015 17:45

YANBU!

I myself should take this advice on board when it comes to things like spending on take away food a few times a week, when I could put money away for a new car etc.

BUT it just gets ridiculous when friends of mine are struggling to pay bills because they're kitting their little ones out in designer gear.

atticusclaw2 · 11/09/2015 17:46

People just have different approaches to money. I think very carefully about how the money is spent. Dis has spent it as soon as it hits her bank account. We were brought up in exactly the same way so its clearly just our natures.

Alterego1965 · 11/09/2015 17:48

Yes. Definitely. I know it's hard but day in day out it all adds up. I think there's a certain downshift which could be successful. Like having the free coffee from waitrose, or a purchased lunch only once a week or something.

Deliaskis · 11/09/2015 17:50

It depends on the person and the circumstances. I have seen a couple of families where one family member has moved away, and the parents have more or less expected all of the responsibility for visiting and the cost of visiting to be borne by the one who has chosen to move away. Like they are fine with the decision, as long as it doesn't impact on their lives/disposable income one bit. I can't imagine being like that myself, but I have seen it happen a number of times. So she might be able to afford it if she cut back on things, but chooses not to as doesn't want to do that because her son made a decision to move away. It's a bit narrow-minded and usually ends up in cutting off one's nose to spite one's face, but it's not uncommon.

jorahmormont · 11/09/2015 17:53

People have different priorities.

People would look at my life and think oh look, they eat out a lot, buying clothes, getting tattoos, when she could be paying a mortgage/saving up for a deposit - but we have no interest in buying a house and settling down in one place forever, so it's not a priority for us. We make sure we always have enough in savings for a deposit and first month's rent, just in case we do have to leave wherever we're currently renting - aside from that, long-term saving just isn't my thing.

ImperialBlether · 11/09/2015 17:53

If my son emigrated I'd do whatever it took to go and see him. I can't imagine saying to him, "Well, it was your decision! And besides, I need my latte!"

CalmYourselfTubbs · 11/09/2015 17:54

knew someone like that.
she hadn't a pot to piss in but had money for a £3 coffee from starbucks each and every morning.
she also managed to run up £10,000 worth of credit card debt one summer in San Francisco. blew it all on partying and coke.

Deliaskis · 11/09/2015 17:55

Well quite Imperial me neither, but I was surprised to see it happen a number of times so thought it was worth mentioning...

caelacoo · 11/09/2015 17:57

I like to put all my coppers in a pot. When it gets full I go and cash it in. Doesn't add up to a lot, maybe around £7 a time but from pennies is fantastic. I then use this as a little treat for myself. My dh hates carrying coppers so I always have a stash

Scobberlotcher · 11/09/2015 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Deliaskis · 11/09/2015 18:01

Thinking about it, and trying to see the other side, I think both times there was a bit of resentment on the part of the family still in the home country, that their offspring frequently uprooted and moved to new countries for more money/better job/better quality of life, and there had been an assumption that the parents would automatically use most of their disposable income and annual leave to visit them, but the parents felt they'd done that enough already...

TheUnwillingNarcheska · 11/09/2015 18:04

I think some people genuinely haven't worked out how much they spend on the trivial crap.

My friend's son recently started work. He buys a takeaway almost every night as a treat after going out to the pub. This is despite having a dinner with his family. My mate sat him down and worked out how much he had spent that month on the pizzas and he was really shocked Grin He is learning to budget.

I agree about the "now" people. I am happy to save for the big stuff. The rewards it has reaped far outweigh any quick coffee or takeaway.

Flutterbutterfly · 11/09/2015 18:07

A colleague of mine was constantly moaning about having no money. I pointed out his daily Starbucks was costing £3. And over a year that was over £600 do this for his lunch £900 It was a big % of his income.

He was shocked!

PastaLaFeasta · 11/09/2015 18:07

I remembers hearing that the English language lends it self to instant gratification and the feeling that the future will never come - something to do with tenses. People are also overly optimistic - asked to record big life events from the past five years people were then asked to predict events for the next five years, they were far too positive which meant no planning for bad times, insurance etc. Language in other parts of the world, China possibly, had a different tense structure and are more likely to save. I think Chinese people save an average of 50% of income as opposed to the UK saving just 6%.

Personally I like saving and we've saved up to a third of income with some careful planning. But it's so easy to slip into bad habits. DH spends up to £100 a month on lunches and snacks at work. He just won't consider packed lunches. He did reduce the cost to £60 a month for a while but has slipped back into treating himself. It's also really important to check other bits like changing suppliers and shopping around for insurance or the next interest rates on savings accounts. It's just quite a bit of effort and needs regular reviewing. It's laziness which stops people saving/maximising income etc.

jimijack · 11/09/2015 18:10

I'm completely the other way.

I save every penny, am very very careful, don't like spending. Will go without to save up for what I want, have waited years for things.

But life is short, I need reminding of this. Dh tells me that you can't take it with you.

I have a financial blow out every now and again, book a nice holiday generally speaking.

Then save like mad again. I get anxious if my savings drop below a certain level.

shutupanddance · 11/09/2015 18:12

Its nice to have a few treats.

Skiptonlass · 11/09/2015 18:15

scobber that research is really interesting. What they found when they followed a bunch of kids for many years was that those who passed the marshmallow test (I.e could resist it with an adult out of the room for 15 mins) fared vastly better as adults. That ability to delay gratification was correlated with success later in life really strongly. I think more strongly than intelligence or wealth of the family.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 11/09/2015 18:15

I can be like this in some respects. I just find having little things like a cup of tea on the way to work helps keep me going!