to think some people really don't get look after the pennies...

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and the pounds look after themselves. And that it really is true.

I have a colleague who's son is living in US. She's never been to visit him because she "can't afford to". Yet she comes into the office every day with a takeaway latte and buys a sandwich for lunch and something from Cook for her and her DH's dinner almost everyday. So as not to drip feed, she finishes work at 3pm, so it's not like she's finishing a long day with no time to cook.

Obviously it's her choice and if she'd rather buy those things than visit her son, that's up to her but she doesn't seem to understand how much she's spending and that before long it would add up to enough for that plane ticket.

I see/hear it loads. People spending regularly on unnecessary bits and pieces that they don't even really enjoy and then complaining loudly and frequently about how broke they are.

Does no-one know about looking after the pennies....?

good point above - i also agree that you can't take it with you.

i had a friend - both her parents were teachers all their working lives, at the top of their pay scale for many decades. they were so painfully and utterly mean. she and her sister had nothing. they got nowt. ever.
both parents were dead before age 65. wouldn't be surprised if they looked for any possible ways to take it with them when they went. wonder how that worked out

It would probably not look good if I said I clicked thinking it was 'penises' would it?

I think its sometimes easy if you have a cushion of money to judge those in debt for the occasional coffee etc. A bit of a variation on the "we could all afford school fees if we cut back" srgument. If you save a fiver a week you are never going to have a deposit for a mortgage.

If you have a lovely house and garden you can enjoy being at home. If you have amouldy kitchen and really resent where you live you're more likely to spend on cheap pleasures to add some enjoyment to life.

I've never smoked etc but I really don't judge people in difficult or broke situations having small pleasures in life.

futureme that's a brilliant post

I don't know, I can see it both ways...

Most things we spend money on aren't essential, they are just nice to have. I could give up my gym membership and go running instead. I could buy the supermarket value brand always. I could take a sandwich to work.
I'm sure if I did this and more I would pay off my mortgage sooner. But watching every penny is tiring and makes life very dull. I had to do it when I was skint, and I would do it again if I really had to, but I don't want to do it now voluntarily.

I used to have a colleague who spent what must have added up to quite a lot on things like takeaway coffees, mineral water (a pointless expense IMO but she said she didn't like the taste of tap water), take-out lunches and ready meals. On the other hand, she was very frugal in other respects; she had little in the way of gadgets, for example. I think she liked the little day-to-day pleasures of having a nice coffee or a variety of lunches. I do agree that the little things can add up - there is some kind of demotivating tool on the Money Saving Expert that adds them up for you to see how much you could save. On the other hand the small pleasures can be important as well.

I am terrible for resisting whinging children when I'm out and they pester me for something like bubbles or a toy windmill; I really could make some savings if I stood my ground!

I agree with you OP, the smallest of daily spends can add up to hundreds of pounds a year. Someone where I work says they can't afford a holiday but spends on smokes. Could of had a fantastic holiday for her family but no, would rather burn it.

I think it is really hard to resist the small things if you can never see that you will be able to afford something big.

My Mum used to be a GP in a very deprived area and she used to - before appointments were only 8 minutes long! - be a shoulder to cry on for many people, especially women, who felt trapped in poverty with young children and unable to get out. She said it was very hard to persuade someone who felt that smoking was their only pleasure, to stop on financial grounds. Because the £30 a week or whatever it was then, was never going to be enough to buy a house, or materially change their situation.

As future said - it is easy to be frugal if you have a comfortable home, control over your own utility costs (not on a prepayment meter) etc.

I have a friend who is very frugal with money. She is always telling people how much their 'one visit to starbucks" a day costs them every year. (over a grand). or how much they could save with they made their own sandwich at home rather than buying one. It usually comes as quite a shock to people.

Atm I have terrible morning sickness so I am buying lunch out everyday (as I can't go into my kitchen without vomiting!) and it just feels like I'm throwing money away.

I think the problem sometimes with 'looking after the pennies' is that it's actually easier to do when you are healthier/better off...e.g if you work long shifts/unusual hours you might only be able to buy food at the corner shop/be too tired to cook or if you have a disability you might find it easier to bur pre-grated cheese/already chopped carrots etc.

I have realised that my attitude to spending money and losing weight are identical. I cannot see the benefit of saving a tenner or losing a pound in weight as my overdraft is enormous and I've lots of weight to use... So I buy the Costa coffee and I think soddit and buy a cake to go with it.
Changing a mindset is hard to do.

Agree with you OP. At the moment all our money goes on our house (the purchase and renovation - so expensive in London!) and a decent holiday or two each year. We have a crap car, no Sky/Netflix, oldish mobile phones, no takeaways etc. I do secretly buy nice coffees though! Once the house is renovated we will spend more on enjoying ourselves (fine wine!) but deferred gratification is the key at the moment.

She is always telling people how much their 'one visit to starbucks" a day costs them every year. (over a grand).

To be honest this would just piss me off. I'm rubbish at delayed gratification. My brother died at 27 in a car accident, with loads of money in the bank because he'd been saving for a house deposit. Hadn't been out/been on holiday/done things he enjoyed for ages as he was saving.

PastaLaFeasta, can you point me towards more details on the language/tenses thing, that sounds really interesting?

My friend works part time. She drives to work and pays to park (could get a bus). From the car park she buys a costa coffee and a croissant. I pointed out that she had worked over an hour for this (equivalent in pay). She bought cappuccino sachets in after that.

There's a book by Linda Tirado called Hand to Mouth. It's about being poor, minimum wage poor. One of the things she points out is why she would spend money on cigarettes for example.

It would piss me off, too, Worlds. I'm sorry to hear about your brother.

None of my long-term plans or investments have come to anything; illness can fuck things up as surely as death. With this in mind, I'm actually pleased I frittered plenty of money while I had it - the memories are worth more than the year or two longer I'd have had to fund myself before needing benefits.

Sorry to hear about your brother Grotbag. That's awful.

However, some who may make it to middle or old age may not wish to do so in poverty and therefore choose to save while they are still able.

Yours is a very good point, lefty! I smoke. Yes, I do know and I can do arithmetic. But a holiday or a sofa isn't worth the length of time I would have to do without my one remaining vice, feeling even more miserable and deprived.

I am a thrifty type married to a spendthrift!

I like saving just for the sake of it, and a bit of a homebody so would be perfectly happy staying in (more or less) every night, eating pasta and watching telly. I am not much of one for "stuff" - I was happiest in many ways living in my one-time little studio flat with not a lot of possessions, and if were single would live that way still.

My OH has a borderline obsession with completing his bucket list (which only ever grows - never goes down, no matter how much we do!) before he dies, and is something of a materialist - wants the nice car, nice clothes etc.

We've had to compromise - OH now buys his fripperies for a fraction of the cost on Ebay and has been persuaded we don't need a new car yet, and I consent to being dragged to several concerts / events per year that I'm really not that fussed about, were it left to me.

I'd like to think we balance each other out - but still would rather save more!

It's a gamble either way, Calm. Doesn't mean one way's right and the other wrong.

Pasta - as a linguist I find that theory fascinating.

Did you watch that China series (Secrets of China or something?) on BBC lately? Their explanation was the fact that we have the welfare state here, while education and healthcare etc is not free in China - hence the manic saving...

As a nation, I think we're way too reliant on credit and not focused enough on saving for a rainy day - strange that the recession doesn't seem to have put much of a dent in that mindset.

I freak out if I go a pound into the red, and until recently never owned a credit card - only started cause I realised there is such a thing as "credit rating" which makes financial sense to keep high. So I buy my Oyster card on that and pay off the next day in full - can't bear to be in debt (if I can help it) any longer than that!

it sure is Garrick.
don't much fancy ending up old, dirt poor, homeless and vulnerable, if i can help it though.

I think you are taking what people say too literally tbh. If she wanted to visit, she would. Blaming it on poverty is just a way to stop the discussion (unless you then choose to do maths on her lunch habits - sigh)

I think it's all about balance - you don't want to die young and wealth, never having lived, but at the same time an unforeseen expenditure or change of circumstances (boiler breaks down, redundancy etc) is probably more likely than an early death, so live your life with both possibilities in mind!

Admission: We spend way too much on wine - but that's worth it in our book, and we can afford to do so while still saving a bit and enjoying a few luxuries (don't do buying lunch every day or anything - thinking more days out and holidays).

And I spend £40 a month on ecigarette paraphernalia - also worth it.