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Barrister claiming sexism after Linked-In message

429 replies

Flashbangandgone · 10/09/2015 14:20

AIBU to think she's overreacting somewhat... I'm not sure so I thought I'd check out views on here:

She is clearly very attractive, and she has clearly gone to some trouble to post a photo that emphasises that. If a man compliments her for that, albeit rather clumsily, but nonetheless not in any lewd or crude manner, is that sexist or just a man gently flirting in the hope of a positive response?

If something as relatively innocuous as this appears to be is vilified as sexism, what are the boundaries for men flirting in a work-place environment without risking being charged with sexism? I wonder if her response would have been different if she had been single and she happenned to be attracted to the man making those remarks...

I've a feeling this might be controversial....

OP posts:

Scobberlotcher · 10/09/2015 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

abbieanders · 10/09/2015 14:26

LinkedIn is supposed to be for professional purposes. It's not dating website. I do not see that making men concerned about flirting at work is a risk - it's a benefit.

The barrister does not deserve this kind of crap because she's attractive.


PermetsTu · 10/09/2015 14:29

There is a v long thread in chat about this. Lots of very interesting opinions there.


Cerseirys · 10/09/2015 14:31

I'm sure there's plenty of attractive men with nice LinkedIn profile pictures but would this lawyer have sent an email to them commenting on their appearance?


Spartans · 10/09/2015 14:31

There are many layers to this.

Yea she had a photo professionally done to look her best. She knows, like most of us do, that looking your best helps in the job market. Does that mean people should feel free to message her about her looks on a social media site for business...I would say 'no'.

Was he a tit or doing so, absolutely. Was she a tit for putting it on Twitter, yes she was imo.

She put a complaint into the regulator and wrote him a very well written reply back explaining why it was inappropriate. She should have left it there. The regulator is looking into it for her. She has done the equivalent of running to the DM.

Giving his full name and screen shorting his photo has made her look as bad as him, professionally imo.


OneDay103 · 10/09/2015 14:34

She really made a twat out of herself and honestly deserved the backlash. I would have more respect for her message if she dealt with it privately. What was the need to plaster it all over Twitter for.
She really got on her high horse and ran with it. Seems like she does want attention after all.


MadFatRunner · 10/09/2015 14:36

is that sexist or just a man gently flirting in the hope of a positive response?

he's 30 years older than her and considerably uglier, yuck


ZeldaTheWindBreaker · 10/09/2015 14:37

I just wonder if she would have replied in the same manner if it was a woman who sent her that message instead of the man?

He is complimenting her on her looks. Something that women do to each other all the time. How would she have responded if a female stranger sent that initial message?

I don't think it is sexism, for that reason. Inappropraite for that particular website, perhaps, but not sexism.

It's 'okay' for women to do it to each other. But not for a man to do it to a woman?

We have no idea of this man's sexual orientation either, do we? There's no implication - other than a compliment - that he is interested in dating her. Just like I have no desire to date the few strangers that I will sometimes compliment. E.g. the other day at the bus stop i complimented a (male) stranger on their hair and asked where they had it done (because my nephew is after the same type of style).


Spartans · 10/09/2015 14:47

he's 30 years older than her and considerably uglier, yuck

See this pisses me off. It's either wrong or it's not. To say it ok for men to do if they are a similar age and hotter, but not when they are old and ugly is ridiculous.

It's either inappropriate or not. A woman on sky news described him as old and ugly, it negates her entire argument about it being sexist.


MadFatRunner · 10/09/2015 14:49

it doesn't negate the argument it merely adds voluminous layers of repulsiveness to his inappropriate conduct


MadFatRunner · 10/09/2015 14:50

(don't know who is saying it is ok for younger hotter men to be sexist but for avoidance of doubt it wasn't me)


Rebecca2014 · 10/09/2015 14:51

I don't think she would have minded so much if he was younger and attractive


Scobberlotcher · 10/09/2015 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theycallmemellowjello · 10/09/2015 14:53

I saw this. Good for her. She was very brave - the backlash was entirely predictable based on what the legal world is like. But it won't change overnight, nor without people like her challenging it.


Regularhiding · 10/09/2015 14:56

he was an idiot.
so was she


Scremersford · 10/09/2015 14:56

She is clearly very attractive, and she has clearly gone to some trouble to post a photo that emphasises that.

She has shortish, unlayered, bobbed hair and minimal make up. My guess is that's how her face pretty much looks. I wouldn't have said she had done anything much at all to appear particularly attractive (she isn't, she is pleasant looking at best) but she has taken care to appear neat and tidy as presentable for her profession.

If that counts as "going to some trouble" or tarting yourself up for a photograph, then pretty much anyone with two eyes, a nose and a mouth who has bothered to brush their hair can be said to have done much the same.

And I think she will do nothing but benefit in her profession from speaking out. Annoying twats are annoying twats and too often rely on sexist protectionism to try and contact women, based on the likelihood of them being too afraid of the fallback or unable to tell them their approaches are unwelcome.


quangotango · 10/09/2015 14:58

good for her. Not overrecating at all. all these younger women saying she shouldn't have made such a fuss in the media make me despair. Come back and say it once you've eedured 20 years of the crap in the City like I have and tell me its no big deal. Wait until after you've had children and attempt to carry on your stellar career, which is all going swimmingly now when you are young and available and can work all hours and listen to the powerful men complaining about their wives in the pub every night, but won't be when you have to look after your children instead. Come back in 10/15 years and tell me its not damaging. GOOD FOR HER!


quangotango · 10/09/2015 14:59

this crap


abbieanders · 10/09/2015 15:01

I'm getting the feeling here that some think she ought to be grateful, and if not grateful, discreet. But why? Why should she cover for this old loser's inability to behave in an appropriate manner?


Binkybix · 10/09/2015 15:02

I thought she was a bit over the top and then I heard her interviewed and changed my mind. Ok so she is a barrister, but I was convinced.


hellsbellsmelons · 10/09/2015 15:12

What is the world coming to when a man can't compliment a woman?
It wasn't sexually explicit. He said her photo was stunning.
Oh my god - arrest that man!
Good grief. It's depressing.


DoJo · 10/09/2015 15:12

what are the boundaries for men flirting in a work-place environment without risking being charged with sexism?

There shouldn't need to be boundaries - people (men and women) are at work to work, not harass their colleagues with sexual attention.
If you want to strike up a personal relationship with someone you do so outside of work, not by approaching a stranger who happens to work in the same field as you and offering your unasked-for opinion on their looks.


DisconcertedAndRetired · 10/09/2015 15:13

He was inappropriate, however her crime in publically shaming him was several orders of magnitude bigger than his. I read that he was far from being the first to contact her this way, so maybe she just snapped.

Really, all she needs is standard paragraph of text on standby, explaining why such contact is inappropriate, and asking them politely to fuck off, send it off to each person, then block them. If she wants to educate men in general about how they should behave, she can do that without naming anyone. (Naming him did increase the publicity, but that's not a justification for the wrong done to him.)


quangotango · 10/09/2015 15:19

crime? don't be ridiculous. it wouldnt have been inappropriate maybe on say Facebook, though would still be deeply creepy and pathetic. It is inappropriate on LinkedIn! she's not there to represent her looks. She's there in a professional capacity. I find it depressing how people can't see that. Imagine how he would feel if he received unsolicited messages on linked in after talking about his professional achievements advising him on where to get hair loss treatment or that he should lose weight.


JanetBlyton · 10/09/2015 15:21

Good for her. We have to put up with far too much of this. It is about time women started objecting.

Yesterday on the telephone a client said he would not have instructed me if I were not attractive! You couldn't make it up......

Also this man is aying he meant the photo quality was good. If tha tis so why not email a woman of 65 on linkedin or a man to talk about the lighting quality and that their photo is the best on linked in - we all know why as he was being led by his penis not his brain.

Naming him was the right thing to do for the sake of other women too so men like him don't make comments like that in future. If he wants to pick up young women his daughter's age he can do it in bars in his own time when his wife is away.

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