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AIBU?

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Original poster

Barrister claiming sexism after Linked-In message

429 replies

Flashbangandgone · 10/09/2015 14:20

AIBU to think she's overreacting somewhat... I'm not sure so I thought I'd check out views on here:

www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/34206080/linkedin-sexism-row-charlotte-proudman-says-lawyer-used-site-like-tinder

She is clearly very attractive, and she has clearly gone to some trouble to post a photo that emphasises that. If a man compliments her for that, albeit rather clumsily, but nonetheless not in any lewd or crude manner, is that sexist or just a man gently flirting in the hope of a positive response?

If something as relatively innocuous as this appears to be is vilified as sexism, what are the boundaries for men flirting in a work-place environment without risking being charged with sexism? I wonder if her response would have been different if she had been single and she happenned to be attracted to the man making those remarks...

I've a feeling this might be controversial....

OP posts:
Narp · 10/09/2015 17:44

... or what Sheba said much better than me

LeChien · 10/09/2015 17:45

Why should anyone work hard for years to be patted on the head and told they're pretty?
It smacks of subtle keeping women in their place.

If he hadn't been creepy and sleazy, and had behaved professionally, there would have been no story.

BeetlebumShesAGun · 10/09/2015 17:48

Er, she wasn't "claiming" sexism. It is sexist. He was judging her based on her appearance. I would be willing to bet all I have on the fact he would not have sent that message to a man who had a good picture.

Branleuse · 10/09/2015 17:51

i think its completely inappropriate to send a flirty compliment to a professional on linkedin, and infers a power imbalance. it would be completely weird if it was a woman sending the same thing to a man on linkedin, or to send it to your boss or senior colleague.

Shes completely right to pull him up on it

ShebaShimmyShake · 10/09/2015 17:51

Men like him think they'll get away with it because they trust that women won't go public with it for fear of being blamed and accused of asking for it and overreacting. And all too often they're right, as OP demonstrates so beautifully.

He can think whatever dirty thoughts he likes, he can say whatever he wants in private conversation with other people, but within this environment he has an obligation at least to pretend that he's interacting with her on a professional level.

She's damn right to have outed him and I hope she gets an image of the next creep projected onto the Houses of Parliament.

WeAllHaveWings · 10/09/2015 17:56

a fair response but she ruined it when she added "(half your age)" to her reply, would have been much better without.

LurcioAgain · 10/09/2015 17:58

Good for her.

Of course it was sexist. A man she doesn't know from Adam messaging her about her personal appearance on a (perfectly professional) photo on a business contacts website.

I literally cannot imagine any of my colleagues doing this.

ShebaShimmyShake · 10/09/2015 18:00

I don't see any reason why she shouldn't point out the age gap, you can bet he was thinking of it when he creeped on her. He just thought that since she was a woman, it wouldn't bother her because she should be defining and valuing herself on his penis.

Itsmine · 10/09/2015 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShebaShimmyShake · 10/09/2015 18:09

No, she definitely does not look as ridiculous as him. I wish more women would do this, though reactions like that certainly explain why they don't.

Narp · 10/09/2015 18:11

Yes.

If we just called a spade a spade then pompous avuncular types like him couldn't keep insisting it's a bunch of flowers

LeChien · 10/09/2015 18:16

She doesn't look ridiculous at all.
I've seen plenty of FB posts by men claiming she's over-reacting, but as these are the same men who share sexist twattery I'm happy to believe they're opinions are outdated, sexist and wrong.

More women should make a public stand against this behaviour.

ShebaShimmyShake · 10/09/2015 18:19

I get harassed a lot. I'm not particularly attractive or especially young, but I have huge tits and believe me that's all it takes.

Ignoring it is the reason it's got to this point in the first place. Once, some time ago, yet another creep made a disgusting comment as I walked by, doubtless while congratulating himself on how funny and clever and original and red blooded he was. I had had a really bad day, I had had a lot of this lately (happens a lot in summer) and I just lost it. I turned and screamed at him, full on crazy bitch, mad google eyes, waving my arms, probably foaming at the mouth...and he looked absolutely terrified and ran away.

Did I look mad and crazy and did people think I was overreacting? Probably, but you would need a barn to house the fuck I do not give. I'm willing to bet that after that, he and everyone else thought twice before harassing a woman for daring to be out in public while taking her tits with her. I suppose I could have invited him in for tea and asked him ever so sweetly if he could please stop being so jolly unpleasant in future. People like the OP and Itsmine might have liked me more for it, but I have to say that wasn't, and isn't, the issue.

catfordbetty · 10/09/2015 18:21

Do you "make a stand" by setting off twitter shitstorm as punishment?

LeChien · 10/09/2015 18:28

Perhaps men like this will think twice now.
Let's face it, he's not the first sleazy man, and he won't be the last. I don't know if he deserved to be made an example of, but maybe this woman had reached her limit of sexist shit and decided enough was enough.

BerylStreep · 10/09/2015 18:30

He was being a sleeze and trying to hit on her.

I think she did the right thing publicising it. The Law Society, IME, would be unlikely to take this seriously.

As a woman working in a male dominated sector, it pisses me off no end either receiving opportunistic offers, having comments made about my looks (good & bad) or listening to colleagues commenting on other female colleagues' looks.

I would go so far as to say this casual sexism affected my self image for years.

I feel sorry for his wife. She may or may not have already known her husband was sleezy, but his actions (not the barrister's) have led to her being publicly humiliated.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 10/09/2015 18:37

The responses to this thread and the other thread make me fucking despair - internalised sexism is so depressing. YABU.

I agree with Quango and Beryl.

abbieanders · 10/09/2015 18:37

Do you "make a stand" by setting off twitter shitstorm as punishment?

Sure, why not? This isn't some weird thing that just happened to him with no input from him at all. He just chose to sleaze up the wrong woman. That's the risk you take.

Narp · 10/09/2015 18:37

I also think you do.

BerylStreep · 10/09/2015 18:44

When I had just started out on my career an older, much more senior married man made an extremely inappropriate approach to me. I complained. Everyone told me my career would suffer as a result, and to be fair, some (male) dinosaurs tried to make a deal about it.

The vast amount of people supported me, knew I wouldn't take any shit, and I am now more senior than he was. It didn't hold back my career.

He was an arsewipe.

ShebaShimmyShake · 10/09/2015 19:04

Why not use Twitter? It is regularly used to issue rape and death threats, seems fair enough to use it to publicise a depressingly common instance of sexism. Which is worse, harassing a professional woman or talking about it on Twitter? Actually, don't answer that. It'll just depress me.

Beryl, you are my heroine.

MrsTrentReznor · 10/09/2015 19:14

Because she lost control of it the moment she out it out there.
Her response was great, but should I publicly shame everyone that offends me on Twitter because I've decided they deserve it?

drinkscabinet · 10/09/2015 19:14

Well done her, men like that don't listen to the softly softly approach, they assume women will be silent or people won't believe them. Now he will hopefully learn at the very least not to come out with comments like that on social media.

MrsTrentReznor · 10/09/2015 19:14

put it out there.

ShebaShimmyShake · 10/09/2015 19:15

Rubbish. She owned it completely the moment she decided enough was enough, he was not going to get away with this by relying on her being too scared of responses like yours. She said a big fuck him, a big fuck you, and got people talking.

Stop pretending she would have empowered herself by swallowing this bullcrap with the sweetest of feminine smiles.