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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re DS and rent

305 replies

Weathergames · 07/09/2015 20:37

DS nearly 18. Against my wishes he has left college and got a full time job - fine.

I have told him he will have to pay his way as I will lose maintenance from his dad and child benefit. We have agreed a third of his wages. Today I told him he will have to put his mobile in his own name and pay it and yesterday I bought him a load of toiletries and to him that's the last lot I am buying.

Today he has asked to discuss money. His dad had agreed 1/3 was reasonable and has never wanted him living with him in his new wife's home as they have students and have never made DS feel particularly welcome - he does not get in with DSM as there are 1000s of rules and she's v controlling.

DS is now saying his dad has told him if I am going to "over charge" him then his dad has said he can go and live there for £25 a week - if this is true AIBU to be fucking furious?

OP posts:
frazzledbutcalm · 07/09/2015 21:05

1/3 of his wages? You're having a laugh? Sorry OP but you sound bitter about your ds going against your wishes.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 07/09/2015 21:05

You all sound so angry.

Did you say to your 17 year old son "right I'm taking a third of your salary and your paying your mobile contract from now on. And here's the last lot of toiletries you're ever getting from me" whilst throwing them at him?

DixieNormas · 07/09/2015 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoskyCat · 07/09/2015 21:06

Surely it depends what his wages/salary actually is, and whether this is after tax etc etc.

I can see if the amount is more than he'd pay elsewhere, then he'd have reason to be upset.

GoooRooo · 07/09/2015 21:08

1/3 of my wages is what my parents used to charge me. I think that's fair enough - it will still be less than he'd have to pay to live on his own.

I'd let him go to his dads. He'll be back by the sounds of it.

Osolea · 07/09/2015 21:08

Did his dad know what a third would amount to when he agreed to it? It does depend very much in how much your ds is actually earning.

Original poster
Weathergames · 07/09/2015 21:09

I have given him a breakdown of how much the house costs - and pointed out if he stays I have to pay to live in a house large enough to accomadate him.

Of course I am not going to "profit" from my child Hmm.

I genuinely need him to contribute - anything over I will save for him for when he does leave.

OP posts:
magalufuptheduff · 07/09/2015 21:10

Feel for you OP. When DS left college and started employment I lost tax credits/ child benefit/free healthcare etc. On a low income myself, I needed all that just to make ends meet. I asked DS to give me 2/3 of what I could no longer claim.

Original poster
Weathergames · 07/09/2015 21:11

He has a job in a shop - I said a percentage rather than a set amount because he is only contracted to a certain amount of hours so I didn't want him to struggle if he didn't get many hours one week Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Weathergames · 07/09/2015 21:14

Dixienormas exactly this.

He knew the score - I just don't think he listened.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 07/09/2015 21:18

A third of his wages? I think he is getting off lightly. If there are just the two of you living in the house, he should be charged half the bills and some rent to cover his room. of course paying for his own phone is the way to go. (i would put his rent away though to keep as a deposit for something.) He also gets to take on his fair share of the chores.

DixieNormas · 07/09/2015 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Topseyt · 07/09/2015 21:21

Fair enough to ask him. Show him some typical rental properties and give him an idea of what the going market prices would be.

Perhaps you could vary it a little each week depending on how many hours he gets.

Failing that, let him go to his dad's. If he doesn't get on with his step mum then it won't last and he will be back.

KanyeWestPresidentForLife · 07/09/2015 21:23

It depends really doesn't it. If 1/3 of his salary covers a reasonable proportion of bills then that's fair enough.

However if 1/3 of his salary covers more than half of the bills and the OP is looking at it as a business arrangement from which she can profit probably not fair. Does it far exceed the maintenance she would get if he was at college?

I have to say I feel rather sorry for this lad that his wishes for his future should be ignored because it means his mother will get more money. He must feel like he is an inconvenience to his father and that his mother is only interested in him if he brings in cash.

Original poster
Weathergames · 07/09/2015 21:23

There aren't just two of us I have two other kids and a partner but he's in the forces so isn't here a lot.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 07/09/2015 21:24

YANBU OP = 1/3 was what we paid my mum - it's only fair if you are using the leccie, water, gas etc - plus the rise in council tax

Let him go to his dads - he'll be back

00100001 · 07/09/2015 21:24

quitelikely

Because he's a man now. What kind I'd nan freeloads off anyone, letvalonw his own mother?????

00100001 · 07/09/2015 21:24

Kind of man*

DixieNormas · 07/09/2015 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

00100001 · 07/09/2015 21:26

kanye see above

He's EIGHTEEN not eight.

He's a grown man earning a full time wage.

So he can pay.

Original poster
Weathergames · 07/09/2015 21:30

Erm - what wishes are being ignored? Hmm

I have respected his wishes to leave college and work but refuse to allow him to freeload and would even if I could afford for him to.

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 07/09/2015 21:30

Well you're hardly going to move if he moves out, are you? I think it's a bit disingenuous to say that you're paying extra for a larger house to accommodate just him when you've got two younger kids and a partner at home. If he's paying for his own consumables plus an amount to cover his limited share of the utilities and is treating your home with respect then I think asking him for any more than that isn't really on.

BlackeyedSusan · 07/09/2015 21:30

ok so not half the bills then, maybe look at the going rate for a room in lodgings and base you calculations on that. and definitely yes to paying his own phone bill. It will be easier if he learns to budget and pay his way early. much harder to have to learn later in ife.

DixieNormas · 07/09/2015 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Weathergames · 07/09/2015 21:32

If he moved out I would have students in his room.

OP posts:
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