AIBU re DS and rent

[Weathergames]

DS nearly 18. Against my wishes he has left college and got a full time job - fine.

I have told him he will have to pay his way as I will lose maintenance from his dad and child benefit. We have agreed a third of his wages. Today I told him he will have to put his mobile in his own name and pay it and yesterday I bought him a load of toiletries and to him that's the last lot I am buying.

Today he has asked to discuss money. His dad had agreed 1/3 was reasonable and has never wanted him living with him in his new wife's home as they have students and have never made DS feel particularly welcome - he does not get in with DSM as there are 1000s of rules and she's v controlling.

DS is now saying his dad has told him if I am going to "over charge" him then his dad has said he can go and live there for £25 a week - if this is true AIBU to be fucking furious?

This years, year 11s have to stay on at school till 18 or go into full time work.
Last years, year 11s have to stay until they are 17 but previous years, year 11s could leave at 16.

Thats not strictly true, last year my daughter finished Year 11. She was born Jan 98
GovUk says
"You must stay in some form of education or training until your 18th birthday if you were born on or after 1 September 1997"

So I dont know when your DS turns 18 op, but I think he should still be in education or training...
(unless I need to go back to bed and read it wrong :O )

Hi OP. Your DS is young and still learning and he's just not worked this one out yet. Perhaps you can help him by pointimg out to him that he's done well to get himself a job and shown a sense of responsibility following his decision to leave school. That he needs to follow that up by paying his way, and that he should try thinking of it as being able to keep two thirds of his pay while having his major living expenses paid.

His father has been most unhelpful in stopping contributing towards his sons welfare (gaining financially) while expecting you to continue contributing to DS welfare as well as lose out financially!

Give the OP a break.

I don't think she sees him as 'a money making scheme' she has been presented with a situation where her income has dropped suddenly. How many people in the real world can take a cut in income?

It sounds as though ends were being met but will not be now the maintenance and CB have gone.

Ds has said dad pays less than 1/3 of his wages as maintenance, so not a lot.

None of her bills have gone down, her rent/mortgage has not gone down, her expenses have not gone down.

The only way she can cut expenses is to get ds to pay his own way.

OP

Get out all the bills and show your son what he is costing you and how much he would have to pay in a shared house.

Also point out that if he has a week when he just has his contracted hours, or he has a week sick you will be taking less money off him than his father would.

How about telling him to go live with his dad for 1 month, then come back to you for 1 month paying £25 to his dad and 1/3 to you for when he is with you.

He will then have the experience of dsm rules, oh and does she know of this generous offer to your son?

I think posters are being very unfair in having a go at the OP because she wants to make up the loss of tax credits and maintenance. Those things are paid because the OP has a child to support. If said child is going to work full time, then they ought to be contributing to their own costs. Very unfair to expect of to lose all external support and still meet all the costs!

I would never charge my dc rent - I strongly believe that this is their home and they have a right to be here. I would be paying the mortgage regardless. That said, if my dc were working full time I would expect a contribution towards food etc.

I would also not want my 18 year old to think a full time min wage job was a good idea and would want him to have a realistic idea of what life costs, so if he was paying a third towards upkeep and had to pay travel, phone and clothes from the rest, I would be hoping he'd see sense and go back to school.