3 DC in a box room, AIBU?

[Robinredtip]

Ex and I get on fine, 4 years post divorce. He rents a house with 3 bedrooms and has done since we divorced.

He has been with his new partner for 2 years, kids like her and they all get on well.

He called last night to say that he and partner are moving in together and would be telling the DC today (was nice of him to call beforehand).

I presumed she would be moving in with him, but he said that he is moving into her house (2 bed, one of which is a box room). I asked how that was going to work with the DC, he said it will be fine we'll work something out. I asked how they were all going to fit in a double room and he then said, "no they are going in the box room" .

DC have stayed there a few times and two of them sleep in a single bed (top and tail) and 1 of them sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag.

He said I couldn't expect him and partner to take the box room. I left the conversation at this point and said well you'll have to discuss it with the DC. He thinks there will only be a problem if I "put it into their heads there is a problem"

AIBU to think that it's not OK? They sleep at his 2 nights a week and 2 weeks in the holidays. DD has just started her periods and should have a space of her own and a bed of her own.

[fastdaytears]

That hasn't been said at all has it. We haven't even been told what he's said to the DC yet. The partner owns her home and the father doesn't own a property so on the face of it this makes sense. We have no idea how the father plans to make it work but also no evidence that he doesn't have a plan.

[Sidge]

I'd be more concerned that one child is regularly sleeping on the floor. Do they at least have a blow up mattress or something?

If they are sleeping directly on the floor in a sleeping bag then that's very poor.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

the lack of discussion about said plans though just about says it all though surely?

if you had three kids wouldn't a plan have been in place at time decision was made to test if it was even workable?

[fastdaytears]

I don't know why I'm sticking up for him really but anyway!

The OP found out about this today, the DC don't know. There's no way to know yet what discussions have been had/will be had.

The children have only used a blow up mattress when staying at the GF's house over on occasions. No different to staying at a GP or something. Now it's going to be a regular thing another arrangement needs to be made but we don't know what that is/will be.

[Robinredtip]

UPDATE

Sorry I haven't replied earlier, there didn't seem more to add until DC came home and then I had bedtime routine to sort.

So they came home and I waited to see if they said anything (wasn't sure if ex would tell them today). DD eventually said "mummy did you know ex is moving in to y's house". I said I did know and what did she think.

She said it's nice that they are moving in because she likes his partner but it might be squashed. I asked what the arrangements were and she said "daddy said he might be able to fit a double bed in the spare room and then smallest DD could sleep on a blow up bed".

DD said she didn't think it would fit as partner is using some of the room for storage and ex said they would move that stuff out of the room.

They won't be able to fit a wardrobe or drawers so ex said maybe kids could keep their clothes at mine and just bring what they need with them for that night (this bit was passed by DS). To be honest I'm not happy with that bit as I think having "stuff" there is what makes it their home?

Smallest DD said she's not happy about it because they aren't allowed to touch anything. But then oldest said that's not true it's just that partner has lots of glass ornaments that smallest DD picks up.

So really I think it's all a bit vague and kind of suck it and see how it goes?

[fastdaytears]

at the glass ornaments! How old is this girlfriend?

It doesn't sound like it went too badly to me. Good that you knew in advance- must have made it all easier.

They do need to have stuff there- absolutely.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Well I'd still be unhappy tbh.

"might fit a double bed"

id have expected him to have measured and found one that fitted online. (not necessarily purchased right now but provisionally all tempt to source.

the fact they haven't purchased a lilo yet when that can be deflated and stored easily and they kid has slept on floor more than once is not acceptable.

there's no room for drawers or a wardrobe anywhere but room to remove junk.in room and taking up so much space the beds only half the size it should be? doesn't add up either tbh.

I'd expect this to have been worked out without a shadow of a doubt how it's going to work given he knew all along there were kids.

[LadyLuck81]

My dad only had 2 bedrooms so my brother slept on a pull out bed in the lounge and dad hung out in his bedroom after bedtime. I don't think it'll be long before the kids don't want to visit if they have to sleep practically on top of each other

[Artandco]

They do need some stuff there but can easily be a few drawer or baskets in living room or a hallway also

Glass ornaments are fine surely, youngest child is 5 years old, not 5 months. Ex and partner need to just tell her not to touch them ( maybe you can remind her not to touch other people's stuff also)

[NoMoreRenting]

So a double bed and smallest dd on blow up bed? Do he's expecting his 11yr old dd to share a bed with her brother? Surely not?

[AndNowItsSeven]

I don't see the problem , it's only two nights a weeks plus holidays. He can just buy something like this.

[Robinredtip]

Yes oldest DD and then DS in the double. Youngest on a blow up single bed.

DD says stuff in the room is clothes rail, shoes and a make up table. Guessing partner uses it as a dressing room with single bed for guests.

[Robinredtip]

Those triple bunks are quite good!

I might get one for my house!!

[Gileswithachainsaw]

bunk beds cab be awkward to fit in a small room. Dds have them and it blocks off sone of the window. depending on where the door is, where light switches are, where radiator or the airing cupboard its not always as easy as just get bunk beds.

[lorelei9]

YANBU

that sounds grim and the DC won't get younger.

I don't really understand why they can't have a fully sprung sofa bed in the lounge. That would be more comfortable in fact. Or they could have 2 foldaway beds that go in the lounge when the DC are staying. Someone will have to share, but at least this way it can be taken in turns.

[CatMilkMan]

I don't have kids but my god I want those triple bunk beds.

[Bambambini]

Honestly, so many spoilt folk here. It's not ideal and hopefully things will get better, but- it's not the fucking end of the world! How on earth did any of us exist years ago. This was normal. Me, my sister and brother shared a room. My husband shared with his sister (periods and all) into their mid twenties). Our neighbours had 7 in one room from baby to teens. Such a fucking first world problem.

[ProcrastinatorGeneral]

I'm sticking with my previous statement, father is a dick as is his partner. Hes not treating this move as a change of home for his family, just as a new home for him and a 'make do with what you're thrown' for his children. Utter tosspot.

[StarlingMurmuration]

Room, maybe, Bambam. Bed, no.

[ProcrastinatorGeneral]

Bambam maybe you did, but it's not necessary as the dad has enough room in his current place. He just doesn't want to continue the lease to continue providing for his children as it interferes with his fucking relationship with his girlfriend. That's the unacceptable bit. Putting his dick before his children.

[Bambambini]

Maybe best to see how it pans out -princesses!

[StarlingMurmuration]

Seriously, you think an eleven year old who has recently started her period would be a princess for not wanting to share a bed with her younger brother? How old would she have to be before it was unacceptable? Did you DH and his sister share a bed while they were in their twenties?

"princesses" FFS.

[StarlingMurmuration]

Wow, ok. Calm down.

[Bambambini]

Think about your fucking first world privilege!