3 DC in a box room, AIBU?

[Robinredtip]

Ex and I get on fine, 4 years post divorce. He rents a house with 3 bedrooms and has done since we divorced.

He has been with his new partner for 2 years, kids like her and they all get on well.

He called last night to say that he and partner are moving in together and would be telling the DC today (was nice of him to call beforehand).

I presumed she would be moving in with him, but he said that he is moving into her house (2 bed, one of which is a box room). I asked how that was going to work with the DC, he said it will be fine we'll work something out. I asked how they were all going to fit in a double room and he then said, "no they are going in the box room" .

DC have stayed there a few times and two of them sleep in a single bed (top and tail) and 1 of them sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag.

He said I couldn't expect him and partner to take the box room. I left the conversation at this point and said well you'll have to discuss it with the DC. He thinks there will only be a problem if I "put it into their heads there is a problem"

AIBU to think that it's not OK? They sleep at his 2 nights a week and 2 weeks in the holidays. DD has just started her periods and should have a space of her own and a bed of her own.

[Hannahfftl]

The father was going to put in a double bed, so I assumed if there was room for a double bed then there would be room for a pull out bunk.

[noddingoff]

Agree about the fire hazard if you can't open the door. Sofa bed in the lounge best option I think. Or that triple stacked bunk thing, if it fits.

[BeautifulBatman]

If the second bedroom in a two bed house is a boxroom, I wouldn't assume that the kitchen would be big enough for a kitchen table tbh....

[ShiningWhite]

My dc always do their homework around the kitchen table, as did I.

[ShiningWhite]

I think it's fine TBH, as long as the dc have space for their things elsewhere in the house so that it feels like their home. I have 3 dc sharing a small bedroom (triple bunk, just fits in the room) but they literally just sleep in there and the lounge is basically their playroom with a sofa in it, the kitchen /diner is half art and craft room for them.

Why does starting periods mean that a girl needs her own bedroom? She'll be dealing with that in the bathroom, surely? Own bed, yes, in case of leakage.

[VimFuego101]

Lots of people have no choice but to have their kids sleep in one room. Fair enough. The thing I can't quite get my head around is that the dad has a good sized house and is choosing to give it up and squash the kids into a box room. I know it's not always easy to rent out a mortgaged property but if that's an option I think it would make more sense for her to move in with him.

[Hannahfftl]

www.very.co.uk/kidspace-georgie-solid-pine-bunk-bed-frame-with-storage-and-guest-bed/742273535.prd?gclid=Cj0KEQjwvdSvBRDahavi3KPGrvUBEiQATZ9v0B7q6aik5FFb8d_nKcsSQYfJiLTLftln6SHpVTh1fsgaAtvZ8P8HAQ&kpid=13604743#sku=sku13604743?aff=google&affsrc=acquisition&cm_mmc=google--PLA+-+Generic--All+Products-_-_85148810338&k_clickid=kenshoo_clickid something like this?

[Hannahfftl]

I used to have bunk beds with a pull out single underneath the bottom bunk, a real space saver and each child gets their own space. Would that be an option?

[differentnameforthis]

starlingMurmuration No I haven't, I thought I'd just open a thread & start posting...

Sorry, I forgot that people can't read sarcasm.

[ChickenTikkaMassala]

I agree with differentnameforthis, some people really want to make the ex DH out to be a bastard.

[SmugairleRoin]

Agree - maybe this is short term, though not perfect. He can always get bunk beds, after all. Me and my brother shared a room when we were kids - did us no harm.

They won't be spending all day in the room, anyway.

[Bambambini]

not perfect but another who grew up with overcrowding. I shared a room with my brother and sister into our teens. The family next to us had 7 kids in a two bed house so all together in one room I'd imagine. Brothers and sisters sharing a room as adults was fairly common. It's not ideal but it didn't kill us and these kids are still young - it probably won't be long term.

[CluckingBelle]

They sleep in the room, they don't live in it. People need to stop over reacting

This! OK so it will be a bit cramped, but it's hardly the end of the world. Isn't quality time with their father more important than ideal sleeping arrangements?

My own experiences include being part of a couple living in a one bedroom flat with one child and one on the way, being in temporary accommodation for for months, myself and three children all in one room with a bathroom and kitchen shared with other families. My 3 children visit their father in his one bedroom flat.

The father says it's not permanent, just while they save up for a Morgan on somewhere bigger. The children will survive. They may even find it fun, and become closer as a result.

[StarlingMurmuration]

Ah, that's what I thought. Otherwise your posts would have been addressing the OP's actual issue.

[differentnameforthis]

StarlingMurmuration No I haven't, I thought I'd just open a thread & start posting...

I am not advocating that she share with her brother, just saying that if she had to, a period would be no barrier to that!

[sproketmx]

Let him. It's not you that's going to have the headache when they're all fighting and kicking the living shit out of each other crammed in one little room. He is there father and will have to deal with it. It won't take long for him to realise

[LadySheherazade]

Two kid sharing a bed is not on.

Three kids in a box room will work so long as the adults are not precious about sharing other room space.

We have two in a box room, so narrow we had to buy 2 ft 6 bunks, but we had no choice. 4 kids and 3 bedrooms doesn't go, we don't have the money to move. Kids have plenty of space elsewhere.

There's a lot of projecting and making up background stories on this thread.

[StarlingMurmuration]

Have you actually read any of the OP's posts, differentname? The father is proposing that the eleven year old girl share a bed with the eight year old boy. She's recently started having periods - it's not out of the bounds of possibility that she might leak when they're in bed together. I think you're being a bit obtuse to suggest this is the same as sharing with your husband.

[nooka]

differentname I think we are all in agreement that the older DD indeed does not need to (and should not) share a bed with her brother. However that is what their father is proposing, so no one is 'exaggerating for effect'

[Katie2001]

In the one bed flat I live in, a woman used to live there with her partner and her 2 sons, kids in the bedroom, adults on a sofabed in the living room. Sometimes her partner's 3 children would also come. I think they will adapt to the situation, but I am not convinced about a brother and sister sharing a bed at that age.

[CalmYourselfTubbs]

YANBU.
mind you, i had to manage my periods while sharing a tiny bedroom with an exceptionally and drastically nosey sister (the kind who opens people's bathroom cabinets when she's at their houses).
i was also living a very small house where there was absolutely no privacy whatsoever.
that aside, i suspect that your kids will vote with their feet and eventually stop going to their dads once puberty and privacy become paramount for them.