3 DC in a box room, AIBU?

[Robinredtip]

Ex and I get on fine, 4 years post divorce. He rents a house with 3 bedrooms and has done since we divorced.

He has been with his new partner for 2 years, kids like her and they all get on well.

He called last night to say that he and partner are moving in together and would be telling the DC today (was nice of him to call beforehand).

I presumed she would be moving in with him, but he said that he is moving into her house (2 bed, one of which is a box room). I asked how that was going to work with the DC, he said it will be fine we'll work something out. I asked how they were all going to fit in a double room and he then said, "no they are going in the box room" .

DC have stayed there a few times and two of them sleep in a single bed (top and tail) and 1 of them sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag.

He said I couldn't expect him and partner to take the box room. I left the conversation at this point and said well you'll have to discuss it with the DC. He thinks there will only be a problem if I "put it into their heads there is a problem"

AIBU to think that it's not OK? They sleep at his 2 nights a week and 2 weeks in the holidays. DD has just started her periods and should have a space of her own and a bed of her own.

No they aren't, on room places are very common in wealthy yet squeezed in places. For example in Tokyo or Singapore or London . People will still be spending £2000 a month for a one bedroom place or smaller. They aren't poor, just living in an expensive place

Think he will need to buy a bunk bed and also a sofa bed and be prepared to give up the living room as a bedroom when they visit then it shouldn't be a massive problem. We are terribly precious about this these days although obviously the comfort and dignity of the older girl wants respecting. You coudl also explain the period issue to OH and also tell DD that she doesn't have to go then if she isnt comfortable at that time- she can tell the younger kids that she has a sleepover at a mates.

So pressures of space or pressures of poverty mean people live in crowded accommodation. Still not ideal, however you want to spin it.

Ive lived in central London for 10 years and the only people I've known to be over crowded to that extent are in social housing. Anyone else would just move somewhere cheaper and bigger (mind you, £2k PCM, whilst not poor is quite a restricted budget) many Asian cities are that cramped but that's how they're built. If 3 bed houses don't exist then obviously you're not going to live in one. It's a completely different scenario to this one

Star- buts what's not ideal? Why is is not ideal? I wouldn't say my children are at all 'deprived' from sleeping in same bedroom as us. If anything they have a very privileged lifestyle compared to a large majority of children in the uk.

I'd say at 4 and 5 they're fine, though I personally wouldn't be keen on it. I'd say it would become less and less ideal the older they got, especially if they aren't the same sex.

At 4&5 it's fine but not when they're 11 as per the OP. Pubescent children need at least some level of privacy. Of course this isn't always possible but it's certainly ideal.

Something like this might be a solution.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B00J3QSNKG/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1441557375&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=triple+bunk+beds&dpPl=1&dpID=514TRWsYeEL&ref=plSrch

Whoa! Not one for kids who are afraid of heights!

The 11yo girl will soon tire of this situation and not want to go to dad's. At that age a court won't force overnight stays on her.

OP, tell ex if he has considered this and how his dd will think of him in the long term.

Thelushinthepub - Did you really say that £2k pcm is quite a restricted budget for rent/mortgage?

I doubt those triple bunks would fit in the average room, height wise.

To be fair the dad hasn't said that the current set up is what he has in mind going forward, just that they would 'work something out'. I suspect that it will be tricky but I can't imagine he is thinking that topping and tailing and a sleeping bag on the floor is an option for more than a night or two. It sounds as if bunks in the little room and a put up bed somewhere else will be required.

The issue is not just about crowding but also about how welcome the children will feel in a house that simply doesn't take their needs into account. It's incredibly important for children to feel like their father's home is their home too, otherwise they will either be unhappy there or may refuse to go.

Myou dd hS very heavy periods. She often has to share a room with other girls (bunk beds in a boarding house but would absolutly NOT be comfortable sharing a bed with anyone or sharing a room with her younger brother whilst on. They have "sleepovers" in each other's rooms for fun but never whilst she's on & she always has somewhere private to get dressed.

Colley- we were referring to high value cities artandco mentioned- Tokyo London Singapore etc

I suppose it is what it is, if that's the space they've got then they need to fit them in.

It isn't ideal but as it's not their main residence I don't think it's too bad. I think he should get a triple sleeper and have the two girls share the double on the bottom and the boy on the top bunk, then at least there'd be nobody on the floor. Or maybe bunk beds with a pull out bed.

But how does a double got in a box room. Most box rooms barely fit a single let alone a double.

my Box room wouldn't have fitted a double bed. it was more a walk in closet size than bedroom size.

I think for weekends it will be okay although a sofa bed as well would be a good idea. It would seem that eventually they'll try and buy somewhere larger and for holidays they'll go away.

Not ideal but life isn't is it!

They're fine for average ceiling heights if you read the reviews lottie. No doubt other companies make similar or a good joiner could do something built in. If this is only for a couple of years OP's ex could no doubt come up with a solution suitable for his children.

OP YADNBU! utterly ridiculous and selfish IMO suggestion to have 3 children in a box room, utterly thoughtless of your ex

Box rooms are tiny without windows. Don't you mean single room OP? But a single room could at a pinch fit a bunk bed in which is ok for 2 but no more. I had to share a room with 2 sisters until age 11 then just with one. It wasn't that bad but privacy tricky for my older sister. I think it won't work and maybe the new partner doesn't have kids so doesn't understand that what's ok for a couple of nights isn't ok for a couple of nights every week with homework, different bedtimes, periods etc. when we go away our 3 kids choose to bunk in together but they dint have to get up early for school, or study etc. the 11 yr old will presume start to have homework soon - at secondary school- and will need somewhere to do it. Short term ok, as a long term plan it's not ok. The kids LIVE with him part time, they aren't STAYING with him

I can see why they have done it if she owns here own home. If they have high ceilings u can get triple bunk beds

I admit I've only read the first and last pages, I apologise if I am repeating points already made. My first thought was where would the children keep their clothes? Is there enough storage space in box room for a chest of drawers and a wardrobe? If not where are the clothes and other bits and bobs going to be kept? This is going to be the children's second home they shouldn't have to live out of cases when they are there.

My second thought is where is the oldest DD going to do her homework? She obviously won't be able to do it in her shared box room, I assume it won't fit a desk and chair.

Pollys from what has been said the father and his partner don't seem to think of their home being the home for his children too. They're going to be treated like an inconvenience to be shoved in the storage room until the problem goes away.