To think you should go 'out out' less when you are a mum?

[Notimefortossers]

I've got two friends who still love to go out loads even though they've got kids. One is a single mum and whilst I can see where she might need the release it means she asks friends to have her DS A LOT, often overnight or even for a couple of days. The other has a DP, but told me tonight that her DD (4) still cries every single time she goes out . . . which by her own admission is A LOT! I can't help feeling sorry for the kids! They're only little for such a short time and they need there Mama's don't they?
My DH and I used to be quite the party animals, but it's mostly stopped since we've had kids. We still relish going out when we do (probably about 3 times a year and usually for something we feel we have to go to like a wedding, birthday work event etc or sometimes because we REALLY need it!) . . . AIBU to think that once you've had kids you ought to dial it down and do what's best for them? We've got years of going out still ahead of us when they're grown!
How often do others go out? Maybe I'm the weird one! x

I went out every week in winter - darts team. And as DP is equally good as a parent, my DCs didn't have any trouble settling for him, he's a good dad.

I am more than a mum, and me being able to relax away from the DCs is good for them also.

Your outraged at being called judgy then carry on judging her. And have the gall to call her a friend, I try not to sneer at my mates.

Too much depends on the impact it has on family life. If you are dumping on people to babysit, regularly ruining a day by being hungover, or leaving distressed children then maintaining a regular nightlife can be selfish. It's the impact rather than the frequency that counts.

Haha! Laffymeal! Too late now! Mwah! xxx

Are you my DM? She has always guilted me even if it was once a month dinner out and back by 10.

Agreed Mrs Mook

Nope, don't see why children have to be glued to mum all the time. In the average week dh and I both go out once alone so kids stay with either dh or I alone, and one night usually Friday they have babysitter. They have had same one last 5 years, they love her, she lets them stay up late making Lego models and eating popcorn and then the kids sleep in late Saturday which suits us also. We also go out with the kids at least once a week

Lol. Pretty sure no patterkiller. I don't guilt my friends. They have no idea I feel this way because of course it would hurt their feelings so I don't share that with them. I come to an anonymous forum instead to be attacked for my feelings ;)

I would feel awkward about saying no I teach communication skills and the Golden Rule is that you aren't allowed to bitch about things you didn't communicate about. If you don't like it, don't facilitate it.

FWIW DD doesn't whimper or moan if either DH or I go out and if we both do, she only cries if she's left with certain people. Some other people she positively flies at.

I wouldn't go out on the lash three times a weeks but, as long as children are safe and cared for, I'm not going to care that other people do. I wish I had a bunch of friends and family to take DD once in a while

[smooches with tongues]

Yes. You are.

We didn't go out much when the dc were very small - but we have at least one night out a week now. We don't stay out particularly late and don't get drunk, but we really enjoy having time together away from everybody.

The dc don't give it a second thought as they're used to it. Tbh I can be a bit judgey about couples who stop doing anything as a couple once they have dc.

I didn't go out much when dcs were small but it was because we had no money, no childcare and were too tired. I'd have liked to have gone out more than I did.

My mum is really good - a very hands on Nanny and loves to have them, but she also runs two businesses and I don't feel right putting on her ALL the time (3 times a year acceptable!) . . . It's not unknown for her to just ask to have them cos she hasn't seen them for ages, which is a welcome break and no guilt involved!

Well if you don't bother to tell her what do you expect?
You can't moan about it if you always say yes.

I chose to have my son. When I go out I leave him with people who are happy to have him and who jump at the chance to spend time with him. It is not "a bit rich" for parents to book babysitters/favours so they can go out.

Next time I go out I'm going to think about you and have a few extra shots xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm judging you madly for neglecting your friendships. And indeed the rest of your life.

Just don't do it then.
If it bothers you so much.

Can I ask though what's the difference between going out with your DH (unless it's to do something awesome like theatre, gig or whatever you like) . . . but if it's just for a meal or to the pub for a drink . . . can't you do that downstairs while the kids sleep? Then you're not asking anyone to have them? My DH and I have date night once a week, downstairs while the kids sleep so we don't neglect our relationship!
I wonder if that's what people think of us Iusedtobeapenguin? In what way do you judge them? What do you think of them?

Bollocks to that. DH and I still go out plenty, usually separately but together every couple of months. I'm a human being first and foremost and I would go insane at home all night, every night.

Enjoy whattodoihatethis! You're right motherinferior I do feel a bit guilty for neglecting my friendships and until today I thought it was just a natural part of becoming a mother, but I guess I was wrong!

I am shocked and speechless by the amount of parents bragging about their weekly (or more) hungover, and seem so proud of staying "young" or whatever.

Sorry, but why do you have kids if you want to keep your single life? Don't you want to spend any time with them? Why do you have them in the first place?
It's stupid, it's a terrible example. It is selfish: what sort of family weekend do you really have with a hungover? Being with your kids is hard work, leaving them in front of the tv all day is not being a parent.

Spending a nice evening out with your husband is one thing, trying to be a party animal when you are a parent is just pathetic. There's a time for everything.

Can you really not see the difference between eating at home and going to a nice restaurant? If there was no difference, wouldn't restaurants go out of business?