To think you should go 'out out' less when you are a mum?

[Notimefortossers]

I've got two friends who still love to go out loads even though they've got kids. One is a single mum and whilst I can see where she might need the release it means she asks friends to have her DS A LOT, often overnight or even for a couple of days. The other has a DP, but told me tonight that her DD (4) still cries every single time she goes out . . . which by her own admission is A LOT! I can't help feeling sorry for the kids! They're only little for such a short time and they need there Mama's don't they?
My DH and I used to be quite the party animals, but it's mostly stopped since we've had kids. We still relish going out when we do (probably about 3 times a year and usually for something we feel we have to go to like a wedding, birthday work event etc or sometimes because we REALLY need it!) . . . AIBU to think that once you've had kids you ought to dial it down and do what's best for them? We've got years of going out still ahead of us when they're grown!
How often do others go out? Maybe I'm the weird one! x

What about dads? How often are they allowed out? Each to their own i say. As long as the children are being looked after who cares?

YABU (and judgy)

You shouldn't lose your personality just because you become a mum. I still love going out, it's something I enjoyed before my daughter and it's something I still enjoy.

Unless you're picking up your kids still drunk and incapable of looking after them, what you do with your time away from them is completely up to you.

Does your dh go out on his own op?

Reading your post again I don't think the issue is so much that your friend goes out but that she subcontracts child care to others and perhaps doesn't always return the favour?

Something I would say is that DH and I hardly had any family help at all when the children were small and needed babysitters and we might have liked to have gone out. We went for dinner once when the ILs were staying and had such a lovely time. Then MIL asked how it cost and FIL then commented how extravagant that had been and how many families would feed their families for a week for that much. Ruined it entirely and we never asked them again to help like that.

I very much hope that when my DC have children I'm still fit enough to help out a bit so they can have the odd night out and even have grandchildren overnight occasionally for them.

We've got years of going out ahead of us

I'm sure my old college boyfriend thought that. Tragically he died suddenly at 39 three weeks ago leaving a devastated wife, 3 young children and his elderly & now childless parents.

Of course DC's should be a priority overall, but we only have one life. There's room for parents to be individuals too. I imagine my exes widow is treasuring the times they spent as a couple now.

Agreed Belle, we have a lot of family support and it is so helpful and important. I really hope I'm in the position to help out with my own grandchildren in the same way.

So as a mum my life is supposed to stop?

I don't usually go out "a lot, usually I go out maybe once every 2-3 months. But last year I ended up with so many weddings, birthdays and hen nights in the same few months that for about 6 months I went out out roughly once every fortnight. Halfway through I ended up going out 3 weeks in a row.

Am I a bad mum then because I also have a life?

In the time it took me to write my post there were loads more there that I'd not read!
Erm ok, so a) one of them is foisting their child on me a lot and I feel bad for him in the middle of the night when he is whimpering and asking for him mum.
b)Never been called judgemental before, so that kinda hurts . . . but whatever. You don't know me. Everyone has their opinions and this is an anonymous forum so where's the harm in voicing them?
c) You say the kids don't suffer, but see point a) and my other friends daughter cries every time!
and d) . . . ok so I guess I am the weird one!! x

People can go out as much as they like and it's none of your business hope this helps.

I don't agree. My nephew is 7 and cries when my sister goes out. She ignores him and he gets over it the minute she's gone.

We try to go out together once a week using paid babysitters and generally once a week separately, I would go mad without my adult socialising time

Go out by all means. But if that means that you only spend the evening with your school age kids once or twice a week then I think people should dial it down.

Children are in school all day then potentially you don't get home from work until 6pm. That leaves only a short time to see them before they go to bed. Although then ofc you could go out after they are asleep.

I agree it's about balance. There is a world of difference between out most nights to spending every day for years without a social life.

1. It's none of your business what other mums do.

2. I'm in awe of any Mum who has the energy to go out. I'd rather sleep but then dd2 is teething

What's with the x at the end of your posts? Please stop.

See I don't really miss it at all. Just see it as a different time in my life and something I'll go back to (hopefully, sorry about your college boyfriend PP) when they're older.
For those of you that asked how much is too much?? For me personally, I think once a week is too much and every 2-3 months is alright . . . just as a rough guide :o xxx

Can't help it . . . my fingers type it by themselves x

Well stop saying yes then if it bothers you so much?
Never understood people who moan about babysitting. The word no does exist you know

Stop kissing

You're not obliged to read xxx

You think once a week is too much?

I'm glad my parents weren't like you.

I would feel awkward about saying no xxx

I've got chapped lips op, and a cold sore, just a heads up.

Why are you glad your parents weren't like me? It's not so much about leaving the kids once a week, particularly if they're in bed and don't know any different . . . but expecting someone else to watch your kids once a week when it was YOU that chose to have them is a bit rich imho