To not enjoy my children's childhoods?

[Maisieknew]

It's the back to school inevitability that's prompted this.

My feelings here are really conflicted as I think if I could have my time over I'd still have children. But I don't enjoy them as children. I find the sort of family based activities for young (primary school aged and under) so tedious and largely pointless and I don't enjoy a lot of the things you're supposed to enjoy and take pride in (I hate school plays, parents evening bored me to tears, I just can't get excited about sports day.)

I don't know if I am alone and I do love them - I just don't find under 12s interest me much.

Completely agree bobo it's not really about the activities per se but about the attitude, i.e. you are interested in your children, their lives, friendships, hobbies, development etc. And sometimes that means doing stuff you don't necessarily enjoy. At ANY age not a particular age.

You're going to Peppa Pig World? Are you mad, woman?

See, for all the fact that I loved my boys as babies, and enjoyed the toddler years and find them harder to deal with the more they challenge me grow up, and I actually quite like Ben and Holly as it goes - I could not endure Peppa Pig World.

I'll take them to the zoos, to the Aquarium, to see any Pixar film (and most Disneys and other animations except Sponge Bob), even to soft play as I've said before - but I draw the line at Peppa Fucking Pig World! I've also refused to ever countenance seeing the Wiggles live - luckily DS1 had zero interest, but Ds2 is a little more keen - still, if he never knows that they do live concerts, then he won't miss them will he.

We all have our own levels of what we can deal with, what we enjoy and what we have to endure. I think you're doing really well if you can put up with Peppa Pig World, really I do.

True dancer.

Someone asked on another thread how I stayed so close to my teens and I thought about it and realised that even now, I still do stuff and talk about stuff that is not necessarily the most interesting thing on the planet to me .

I'm prepared to engage in my teenagers' worlds. And actually, often it is interesting and fun. But not always. Yet, still I do it.

I've seen all sorts of films in recent years that I wouldn't have chosen. We go strictly on a rota in our household and DD gets her turn to choose which film we see, on the basis that we also take her to the films we go to. It does none of us any harm to see what the others are interested in and what are the themes and values being communicated to different age groups.

You can take them to places you like - in our case my island in Panama, survival skills, totally isolated beaches in the UK. I have never taken any of my children to hell holes like Alton Towers.

I solve the problem by doing with them what I enjoyed the most, ie we read A LOT, went to museums, watch educative programs (even if they were not children orientated), when out walking.
From The outside, it probably looked like I have been hothousing them lol.

But board games, craft etc... I've done it and won't.
Sports day I have never been
I have been to all the school Performances though and the parents evenings.
Pick and chose has been my way.

Same here bobo.

Ditto, box sets, days out, audio books, theatre visits...

We don't have a strict rota but it kinda works itself out. Sometimes it's a hit all round. Sometimes certain sectors of the unit are a bit meh. Occasionally, one sector loses the will to live!

Ah you see kevin I won't and never did attempt to control everything we do en famille to suit the adults. Or to suit the DC.

That way, we've all grown.

After reading posts in this thread, I think the thing I find most boring is the routines, like things that need to be done but he doesn't want to do. I would let my son stay up a bit later to watch a kiddy film with me if it meant hanging out the struggle of brushing his teeth for another hour! But nursery nights, he needs sleep obviously. I'd sit there and have a full blown conversation with him about the film we're watching, I don't mind.

I don't find playing games, doing crafty things and reading and learning boring - that's what I was looking forward to doing being a parent. It's nice to do when it's raining outside. I'd happily sit with a load of rubbish and somehow make a robot to paint.
I think the reason I find kids clubs and play groups boring is because I feel like I don't have the confidence to know I'm making the right 'parental decision' when handling a tantrum or if he refuses to do to something in the presence of other parents - they judge you no matter what you do! I'm constantly on edge waiting for him to flip out about something, when the majority of the time he's fine. I'm fine dealing with his conflicts at home and doing kiddy stuff with him but around other parents I kind of take a step back and let my boyfriend deal with it. I never had the confidence to take him to a baby group. I think because where I live mums are older than me and most of them are married (it's a snobby area). At the time I was a young single mum and felt so out of touch with and judged by them. When he started nursery I sighed with relief because no one could say he's deprived of other toddler's interaction any more.

He got his first party invite from nursery. I panicked then thought he can't miss out on it, so took him. I was expecting games, music, fun activities and food.
When we got there it was just a bunch of parents sitting in a nursery room talking and drinking coffee whilst the kids played on the floor with cars etc. I thought 'What sort of fucking party is this?' If you're going to hire the nursery out for a party at least utilise it and do something fun! There was no music or games. Nothing. Now that was boring!
Personally I would have decorated it with a Disney theme, maybe fancy dress and put some games on. Because that's what kids like, it's exciting. He got a goody bag out of it and played with a couple boys from nursery though.

I loved him as a baby, the night feeds I liked! I loved waking up to see him at 3am, I missed him when he went to bed. As he got older I was thankful when he slept through! But sometimes even now I miss him when asleep, and sometimes hang out taking him back to bed when he gets up. He winds down then I take him back. Last night I sat there and explained to him why he goes to nursery and why mummy has to pick him up and take him after he said 'I lost mummy at nursery' - where that came from I have no idea. But I like the "conversations" we have about books and films, playing with his cars.

I have 6 kids. The youngest 2 have just started year 4 and 5 at primary. the oldest is in his second year of A'levels. After all these years of kids' activities I am so cored of them that i cannot actually do them any more. I am beyond relieved that i never have to sit in another stinky, airless soft play area and watch my kids being attacked. I don't have to get into a cold swimming pool any more. I don't have to play with toys.
I never nattily liked this stuff anyway.
Now we do things that are more interesting.
I prefer them when they are older.

I could never work out why some friends used to comment on absolutely everything their dc did. If we were out in the woods for example I would get a running commentary on how they were climbing, what they were doing. "oh look jimmy has slid down the mud bank and now he is laughing, look he is covered in mud. Look at you jimmy you are covered in mud." sort of stuff. these weren't small kids either.
I could bloody see that for myself. I would much rather have just chatted to friends about adult stuff whilst we were there as watchful eyes.
Then I thought there must be something wrong with me as I didn't find every thing my kids did utterly fascinating.

How old are your children, Maisieknew? Have you tried to have an interesting conversation with them, or are you stuck in the rut of talking at them, or pretending to listen? I still can't get over this idea of yours that 12 is some kind of magic age, when children suddenly become interesting - it sets such incredibly low expectations.

caramel I love babies, I have always loved them, even as a child. I have always found toddlers difficult and tedious though.

Perhaps things are still new enough after the first couple of dc. I could still cope with the zoo and the pool. But when you are doing the same bloody activities in the same places for years on end it drives you crazy. I am not a creature of routine at all.

Caramel I love your post. I agree with every word.

My experience of being one of the youngest from a fairly large family was that my parents didn't have to do quite so much of the tedious stuff with the younger ones for so very long, anyway - we wanted to and were expected to join in with the activities, discussions and arguments of the older children at a much younger age (sometimes to their irritation, because they hadn't got to do them until they were older). I seem to remember learning to swim quite rapidly when one of my siblings threw me in. It's probably why I don't understand this idea that children suddenly become interesting when they are 12 - given the right stimulation, they can be good company far younger than that if you want them to be!

Was it a joke when you said you couldn't wait to see your son graduate university, and your daughters looking pretty in a dress at the end of high school?

What a shame for your daughters.

(If it was a joke, I'm tired, excuse me.)

Maisy I think it's sad for you and your children that you don't enjoy them ("I don't enjoy them as children" being your words in the OP). You are sooo defensive when anyone points this out. I think Londonzoo , sienna, goldenbear and others made some great points, which you totally dismissed.

Maybe you could try and change your attitude now and enjoy your children for who they are and what they like doing NOW, rather than hoping (pretty unrealistically I think) that your relationship and enjoyment of them will magically change when they're teenagers.

Agree Londonkiwi. I also think that while people have said very reasonably 'I didn't like the baby/toddler/teenage phase' that's talking about a phase, a period that for posters in general has been maybe a couple of years, five years at the absolute maximum. Twelve years is two thirds of their entire childhood. It's much more time not liking spending time with them/doing things with them than not. It's not a phase, it's a large amount of their entire time at home with their parents, assuming they go off to university at 18 (which I would have a feeling they will). This isn't the same as a 'phase' a parent doesn't enjoy.

Plus if it's all so fine and nothing to worry about, don't see why you would have asked the question in the first place, OP. You must have had some discomfort about it.

My Mum was like you. You didn't interact with me or attend any school activities. She put no effort in. There's even only 1 photo of myself as a baby abut 18 months old, and none of her holding me or near me at all.

I grew up thinking she just didn't find me interesting.

Be careful your child doesn't do the same.

It is a shame not to enjoy their childhood though. I wish I could package my enjoyment of small children and school plays and send it to you.

I have a toddler granddaughter and she is so funny

Thinking back on what I posted earlier. I am enjoying my youngest 2 in a way i could not enjoy the other 4 at that age. yes, I think it is because we do more interesting things together. When the older ones were little there were always babies and toddlers around which restricted things. We always did loads and I always did sports days and assemblies, even through gritted teeth. Now we do loads but things we couldn't easily do if we had a bay and toddler in tow. Like london and places that were horrible with young children.

Babies are stultifyingly boring, yes even my own. Toddlers are cute but can test the patience of a saint (and I have the patience of a gnat).

It all got a lot more fun and interesting once they were at junior school. Nowadays we have a great time. They have my (slightly black) sense of humour and do a fine line in sarcasm.

It is infinitely more relaxing and enjoyable sharing a pot of tea with them in a cafe and chatting about life rather than trying to encourage a toddler to drink from a sippy cup as they squeal in defiance [shudders]

I know just what you mean. I've been feeling so guilty but I must admit I'm so relieved my youngest has started school. I have struggled at times over the last 7 years with my two. I have often wondered whether I would have been more suited to not having kids. I love them both dearly of course but i just feel I'm not cut out for motherhood. It's true they get much more fun when they go to school though!

I didn't do sports day this year. Felt a slight tinge of guilt but god I hate it.