To not enjoy my children's childhoods?

[Maisieknew]

It's the back to school inevitability that's prompted this.

My feelings here are really conflicted as I think if I could have my time over I'd still have children. But I don't enjoy them as children. I find the sort of family based activities for young (primary school aged and under) so tedious and largely pointless and I don't enjoy a lot of the things you're supposed to enjoy and take pride in (I hate school plays, parents evening bored me to tears, I just can't get excited about sports day.)

I don't know if I am alone and I do love them - I just don't find under 12s interest me much.

You could give yourself permission to be a different and better mother to your DC than your DM was to you Maisie? Just think that's very interesting .... "My own Mum was much the same"
"If I did well in a school play she was happy I was happy but she didn't need to see it herself if you follow me"
Worth thinking about?

School play is once a year though. WTF has that got to do with the other 364 days you've written off in each of the 12 years you've decided are dull?

Juggling, my mum was lovely. Didn't I make that clear when I said she'd have walked over hot coals for the most trivial of my requests? And she did, too. She couldn't have loved me any more if she'd tried, she just wasn't that bothered about small children.

Jawanna - someone asked about a school play, I answered.

To put it another way, let's suppose DC1 is turning sixteen and I say 'oh, my little boy is getting so big, I miss you being little!'

That's not true. The truth is they get better as they get older, and given they are children for eighteen years and adults for (I hope!) a lot longer than that, I don't see my being a bit bored by typical 'kiddie' things as evidence for being a terrible mother - on the contrary, I actually know I'm not.

Mother 1 says 'I love the baby stage, it's so special.'
Mother 2 says 'I adored mine when they were in primary school, being part of all those special things.'
Mother 3 (me) says 'I think the best is yet to come. I can't wait to support and help them through tough exams and celebrate with them (hopefully) or cuddle them and reassure the, if it's bad news. I can't wait to wind them up about boyfriends and girlfriends. I think I'll be brilliant at keeping their confidence high through fall outs and friendship troubles. I look forward to seeing my gorgeous son graduate (if he goes to university!) and see my lovely girls as young women for their proms.'

In comparison, a day at Peppa Pig World just doesn't do it for me, although I am taking the DDs next year. I just don't get excited about these things or look forward to them. Doesn't make me a crap mum - I will hold my hands up and confess to being crap at the crafty stuff though, but a good crafter does not make a good mum!

I don't see what so many posters are getting shrill and sanctimonious about. The OP is hardly in a minority of one for not finding Peppa Pig World an enthralling prospect. I was in the vicinity at the weekend with my three year old and drove him right past the entrance to accompany me to an Alphonse Mucha exhibition. Because it's allowed to prefer Art Deco biscuit posters to Peppa. I'm 43, for heaven's sake. Shoot me.

The way you've explained it in your last post is clearer. But your earlier posts implied your children didn't interest you and you didn't "enjoy" them while they're small. That's a different thing to thinking they'll be more interesting as they get older. But if they genuinely don't interest you and/or you genuinely don't enjoy their company while they are younger then I do think that's a bit sad.

Of course I don't eye roll.

Goodness me, there's a LOT of projection going on there, London!

The only time I am a stick in the mud is when they ask to run races with me. I lovingly inform them I am far too old and slow but your dad LOVES them

I do find it slightly odd that you seem so resigned to not enjoying anything your children do until they're teens. Presumably you feel fine about your kids thinking 'can't wait till I leave home' or 'it'll be great when Mum is in an old people's home and I don't have to listen to her go on about stuff that doesn't interest me again'. Obviously they won't ever come and visit you then, because it'll be boring (or are you one of those people who thinks that unlike the majority, you and your interests are always very interesting to everyone else, and so always will be to your children?)

No, they don't interest me much John. That's not the same as not loving them.

Hard to know how to explain this as I am getting just a little weary of doing so and having said statements taken out of context but - do you lot really enjoy waving like a drowning man at a sixteen month old going round a roundabout Every Single Time it goes round? Does anybody honestly enjoy pushing their child on a swing endlessly shouting, 'Wheeee! Wheeeee!' Does anybody actually find it fascinating when their toddler shouts CA CA CA every time a cat walks past (we have four cats, so this happens a LOT!) and having to brightly say 'ooh yes, CAT!'

She is beautiful, well, I think she is anyway, she crumples her face into this big cheeky grin, she is funny, cute and naughty. I love her to bits. But the above is SO BORING! Doesn't mean I don't bloody do it! I'm just standing there saying 'Wheeee!' and thinking when can I stop ...

Her older brother is fab as well. Handsome - or hopefully will be when he grows into his teeth a bit - clever and helpful. Yet 'I learned my eight times tables today, test me!' Thirty minutes later and I am 'omg someone please invent another number!' 'Listen to me play my violin' - ah, yes, lovely DS! That was so skilled I didn't wince visibly did I He's great but like all children he can drone on about things that are fascinating and important when you're young but once you become an adult just lose any real sense of meaning.

Things are done for them, like Peppa Pig World and bouncing around in a pool filled with other children's urine and nursery rhymes. I do them, I just don't love them. That doesn't mean I don't love my children!

Oh worry not Tendon, I bore them as well!

As I used to say to my dad when he lost something and would say 'I know this is irritating for everybody' - I am sure I annoyed you as well dad, worry not!

What goes around and all that :) actually, I do seriously hope if I do end up in an old folks home that they don't visit me, or limit it to a couple of times a year. Hopefully they'll be off, enjoying life by then.

My mother did not enjoy our childhood. She did not like anything to do with kids activities or school plays. However, that changed when she became a grandmother,..suddenly she enjoyed it all and wanted to do all those things with her grandchildren.
She did say that she regretted not getting more involved when we were young and had she really understood how quickly the time would pass, she would have made much more effort to enjoy it because she feels that she missed out on so much with us.

I think it's easier to enjoy grandchildren, so I've been told anyway.

My dad used to say he adored other people's dogs - would probably have been the same about grandchildren!

I am either one of "those" mothers or a bit odd - I actually really like going to DS1's performances, whether it's school stuff or his dances. Less happy going to the sporting events (not so much my thing) - I don't go to his soccer games, for e.g. but I do take DS2 to his toddler football (because it's indoors and hilarious, and I did it for DS1 until he got too old for it)

I don't even mind the soft play, because we usually go with friends, so I have people to sit and chat with while DSs play. I don't think I've ever taken either of them just by ourselves though!

No, I don't think it makes you one of 'those' mothers at all :) I like soft play but because they can go off and amuse themselves a bit more.

Wow Maisie you're being subjected to a whole lot of projection. I think you've explained yourself quite clearly and I agree with you for what it's worth.

My friend is in child care and she says that careers specifically choose to work with an age range they enjoy interacting with. She adores 8-12 year olds, and loves her job in an after school club. So why can't a parent also have an age range that they enjoy the most and get most enjoyment out of.

Personally, I endured the baby and toddler years. I wouldn't have let the children know, but it was tedium beyond compare!! I love it once they're 5 and can hold a proper conversation. DD1 is nearly 10 and has such a wicked sense of humour and is so interesting. She can accompany me to the theatre (Peppa Pig On Stage is NOT theatre... it is something you have to go through so your children can get familiar with a theatre environment). We watched Edward Scissorhands at Christmas and it was the most fun I have ever had. I actually thought, "Having kids is finally worth it". I feel no guilt in feeling that way, whatever the sanctimonious posters might think

Yes, the best part is when they get an adult joke and you can snigger with them :)

LOVE the sound of your DD :)

I don't think it's realistic to continue insincere engagement with your child and not expect them to pick up on it. As a child gets older and more sophisticated they will come to see that 'insincerity' as you not knowing them at all. You will be 'exposed' and way before the teenage years arrive.

Engaging with young children requires a lot of imagination IMO as our own experiences of that time were a long time ago and probably not clearly remembered. I personally think those who struggle with this are usually quite formal and self conscious. This of course has its merits when children are older and don't want you to embarrass them but are not the traits you need with young children.

I have 2 sons who have repeatedly made it quite clear to me they DO NOT want me at school plays, sports days, rugby matches and have done since age 12.

My eldest son age 15 rows for his school and I sneak down the river to watch him practicing from the bridge from a distance and I don't tell him.

He has told me never to come to the school unless I have to and when I do he wants to go and sit with his friends and not me. He hates being seen in town with me. I am too embarrassing apparently.

I get the whole 'boredom' thing with little kids. My life was soft play hell for 5 years when they were little. Sports day goes on too long. School plays are generally rubbish.

But now I really would love to spend time with them as teens but they dont want to. They want to be independent. They annoy me sometimes. They are argumentative. I want to have a good relationship now when life is changing so fast for them. I worry that my DW wants the eldest to go to boarding school. I don't want him to feel we are sending him away - even though he wants his independence.

Grrrr.....cant live with them and cant live without them

Oh, don't be silly. How sincere can you be when waving at a toddler!?

I am sure my exposure won't make the tabloids

Well, 'very' is the response to that. You can sincerely enjoy the interaction with no effort or you can 'pretend'. It seems you think lots of that will work out in the end and you'll suddenly bond in the teenage years over joint interests. The poster above just gave you an insight in to the potential pitfalls of that plan.

Dds high school did musicals rather than plays i loved going to them meh we are all different eh, word of warning they might not be the teenagers you expect working with them and raising them might be different.

I feel much the same, OP. If DS enjoyed typical fun child things it would be nice and easy, but he dislikes anything that does not involve going up and down on lifts, going on trains or trams, minecraft, train simulators, making an utter mess for precisely 10 minutes painting/clay, eating dough baking, etc. Desperately wants other children's company, but then tells them to go away or asks to leave 15 mins into the "play date", as he is either "tired" or "bored". He is scared of or/and uninterested in doing any hobbies or clubs. I feel I have slightly given up on the next couple of years getting any better.

I'm not enjoying DS teenage years at all. I've never met anyone so arrogant and moody other than xh.

I enjoyed them up until now. DS2 is a bit better but can still push my buttons if he doesn't get his own way.

What you described 'is' all typical child things. He's using his 'imagination', I'd be inspired rather than 'giving up'.