To not enjoy my children's childhoods?

[Maisieknew]

It's the back to school inevitability that's prompted this.

My feelings here are really conflicted as I think if I could have my time over I'd still have children. But I don't enjoy them as children. I find the sort of family based activities for young (primary school aged and under) so tedious and largely pointless and I don't enjoy a lot of the things you're supposed to enjoy and take pride in (I hate school plays, parents evening bored me to tears, I just can't get excited about sports day.)

I don't know if I am alone and I do love them - I just don't find under 12s interest me much.

SheGotAllDaMoves, I never said that babies/toddlers would recognise insincerity but as children grow older they most certainly 'do' recognise when an adult is effusive in their praise for example as they're overcompensating for their lack of interest. My four year old already knows when someone is being 'fake' with her and my 8 year old most certainly does. My point is 'insincerity'is picked up upon way before the teenage years!

I don't mind creating things but I genuinely enjoy being animated with my dc. I would never ever declare this loudly but it is 'genuine'. I can't stand the gritted teeth brigade- it just sucks the joy out of everything!

I can sympathise with that, Toys

Thankfully, mine are generally quite sunny natured (only generally, mind!) but my brother when we were growing up was so miserable about everything nice we tried to do it took any enjoyment out - like growing up with a dementor!

Oh, dementor is the word. If dementors were also anxious and equipped with one track minds. It's getting better the older he is (easier to try and reason with him), but I have a feeling he just doesn't like being a child. I was a bit the same. I used to dream about being an adult and going to uni.

They do get better, don't they? Mine are 4 and 6 and I already love that you can go out with them and not have to manage their inch by inch progress: carry them / coax them / push them in the pram / argue about getting out of the pushchair "no you can't crawl in this mud and YOU CAN'T WALK NO MATTER HOW MUCH THINK YOU CAN" is something I have never actually said) wait for them / chase them / ARRGHHGGHGH. for the first time last weekend I think we had a day where they just went like normal people. They can just go like humans are supposed to. the relief is incredible.

Other improvements:

they have their own friends at school and I hardly ever have to deal with other children. I invite them over sometimes but it's not the same as babyhood where you are surrounded with them all the time, wiping their snot on you and making insane demands. Toddlers walking into your house going "I WANT LOLLY". Oh do you? Well go and get a job, earn some money, go to the shop and buy one then (is another thing I have never said)

I will soon, I hope, be able to eat a meal while it is hot, in peace, without someone making a little pile on the table cloth of everything they don't like, or shouting I NEED A POO. We're not there yet but it's closer.

They occupy themselves with their own stuff. They like playing in the garden, drawing, reading, lego, stuff like that. It's heaven. I remember the sinking feeling of despair when they were about 4 months old and too old to just lie there asleep, but somehow not actually capable of playing. What the fuck do you do with one of those? (is another thing I never actually said while staring at my hopeful baby, waiting to be picked up and taken to the window and sung to and said "look! Dog! Woof!" to, and so on)

Maisie, I reckon it's just a matter of luck whether you enjoy your kids or not - as it is whether you enjoy anything else in life. Some people seem to be able to find something to like in almost anything, but others are never happy.

I suppose that for the lucky ones the good bits are good enough and frequent enough to compensate. For the unlucky ones, you just have to get through it. Keep focusing on the good bits, and stop telling yourself how boring it is ...

Also, a sense of humour goes a l-o-n-g way in parenting, imo. Which you have. And at least your kids have each other, so they are not dependent on you for all their entertainment. It certainly doesn't sound to me as if you don't love them, btw!

I'm not sure it's your children that you find boring - it sounds more like you feel you are in a rut in your life. As a teacher myself, this time of year is often a low point for me too, as it all starts again and it will be Christmas before you know it. I found being a working mum absolutely exhausting most of the time, and it's difficult to enjoy anything when you're shattered.

Maybe you should go out with friends your own age? Being around children all the time is enough to do anyone's head in.

I genuinely do enjoy the 16 month old learning to talk bit actually, I find that really interesting and I love getting that first glimpse of what goes on inside their heads. I never did any "Oh yes, that's a CAT" though, I just responded naturally. I talk a load of bollocks most of the time though so it wasn't that difficult for me to just keep spouting nonsense at DC

I also like the newborn bit where they are so new and snuggly and just amazing that you've made this tiny thing, but less keen on babies in between those two points. Starting solids is interesting. Constant frustration because they either can't sit or can't crawl but want to do both is irritating.

I find the repetitive bits really really dull and hard. But I love it when they do stuff for the first time or experience something for the first time. DS is getting far more interesting now he's six and actually thinks about things and doesn't just take them at face value as we can have a conversation but he can still go into the annoying minion-talk mode, which makes me want to claw my own face off.

That was a terrible sentence, sorry.

OP I have just got back from holiday with my DC (aged 14, 12 & 9) and it was lovely. We played Bananagrams and cards (various games) every evening after dinner: full participation, the 9yo didn't end up losing all the time (and we didn't have to let him win), late bedtimes (therefore late mornings), no tantrums, no repetitive conversation, lots of joking around and laughing. I completely rate this age group!

In contrast, the people staying in the place next to us had a boy of ~3.5 who said the same thing over and over again, usually starting 'daddy, daddy, daddy, guess what?' and a girl of about 2 who burst into tears about every 2 minutes and whinged the rest of the time.
I wouldn't have swapped!

I do think that having the inclination to talk random bollocks can save you I always rambled on regardless, even to a baby.
I also read books and poems that were technically too hard for a small child. It didn't matter. I think you have to find ways to amuse yourself too, so I never really sat and read a picture book I thought was really inane, always chose what I enjoyed.

So maybe some amount of selfishness helps with it all as well. Avoid the bits you hate as much as you can, and focus on the bits you do like.

Like most people I disliked sports day too, unfortunately my children did not. They loved them so much that all of them became interested in various different sports to quite high levels- think county. Obviously not all the same sport- that would have been too simple- three different ones so every weekend during their teenage years was spent driving miles to swimming pools , athletic meets etc etc. Sports day paled into insignificance! :)

YANBU but your children go to school where some adults are scarily enthusiastic about sports days/school plays/assemblies/not very good work in art where the child has put in an effort .

You love your children. You support them/feed them/clothe them.

At least you are not the parent who marches up to the teacher and threatens her because little Billy was in a race that was too hard for him.

I can see what you mean, it can be tedious sometimes but for me it's more the routines, bedtime, trying to brush his teeth etc. I enjoy introducing my son to new activities that he's never done before and helping him learn things, talking to him about nursery and making up games. I never really liked kids before having my son anyway and the only toddlers I know how to interact with is my son, nephew and a couple that are similar age. I don't like toddler things like the playgroups or parties, kids clubs on holidays and the like. Just meh. I know it's fun for him and I'll watch but if I can, I get someone else to take him.

The thing I'm dreading about school plays and parents evening is if he starts to cry or forgets his lines or something, I would have to go and get him if he's that distressed, and I don't even know what to ask at parents evenings... 'Is he good or bad?', 'Does he play well?', 'Is anyone bullying him?', 'What does he need to improve on?' and 'Does he do his work?' would be about it. With sports day, I'm worried that the teachers will pick out parents to humiliate in front of everyone. This is probably a bit rational, but I'm quite a shy person and hate things like that. But overall I'm looking forward to watching my son perform plays or sing or something, it's cute.

I took him to a science/space museum few weeks ago, thinking he'll love it and be in awe. But when we got there he just ran around, going back and forth through the different displays. Quite annoying. They don't really appreciate things at this age, I know, but I thought it was something different for him to see. I think I worry too much about how people perceive me as a parent in 'parent mode' in public; I'm more likely to do indoor activities so no one can see if he throws a tantrum or runs about. I don't care about tantrums in public just how people judge me on the way I'll handle it and it's just a bit annoying to have to deal with when you're out having to do something else as well. I'd just enjoy it more if he took interest in things. I think I'm waiting for him to be about 10 or so, and help him with his homework. -__-

My son's 3 now. I think it was just easier when he was a baby; they don't interrupt, they don't shout, they don't run around and have you chase them through shopping aisles, they don't ask for anything 'I want that expensive stupid bit of plastic that will break when I decide to throw it at you' etc. and they don't throw tantrums in public. You could just do what you wanted, just with them plonked in the pram, quiet. Babies might cry in public, but... my son rarely did. By the time they're toddlers people expect that they should behave a certain way by then. But they just don't!

Ah, thank you for the nice recent posts! They are indeed loved, talked at to, surrounded with a wealth of stimulus in history, geography, music, literature and art, as well as minions, CA-s and crayons!

They're great kids. But they are kids.

DS and I have a conversation ritual which goes thus:

'DS, stop that, it is really annoying!'
'Sorry.'
'It's ok; you can't help it. You're a child!'
'But mum - you were a child once!'
'Yes, and I was ANNOYING! But don't worry - you will outgrow it!'

(In case anyone is wondering, DS and myself both have massive grins throughout the entire exchange!)

The thing I find with parents evenings is its just so prescribed and formulaic. It could just be our school but the wittering for ten minutes about levels while my eyes glaze over is just so dull.

Oh I always like sports day.
But then mine always won and I'm horribly competitive .

I've stood at a lot of sidelines over the years. Sometimes I enjoyed it, sometimes I didn't. But I was always there!

I'm a bit similar OP. There are parts of parenting I really struggle with eg book reading, being in the same room as kids tv, baking, crafting, any imaginative play. But I have aspergers so it's mostly linked to that. Have you ever done a self test?

No, I'm not aspergers :) blimey! I don't think you have to have aspergers to be bored by Ben and Holly!

I'm do not have aspergers, but DS has traits. Not enough for a diagnosis at this point, though.

I liked parent's evening but I only went to one in nursery and it was interesting because DS never ever told me anything about the big secret nursery. I also used to spy on him sometimes when I went to the PTA coffee mornings. Though not very often because they were surprisingly great with a suspiciously MN feel.

Who are Ben and Holly?

Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom.

its actually quite good

"I do think that having the inclination to talk random bollocks can save you grin I always rambled on regardless, even to a baby. "

You see this is what makes it so hard for a certain other sort of person to be in baby / toddler / mother social territory :)

The wittering. Oh god, the wittering.
I know why people do it and I kind of admire it but I am not a person who enjoys a wittery environment.

I like the baby stage but find toddler/young children games so boring, I can't stick them for any length of time. People are posting that parents shouldn't (for example) feign interest in wooden train tracks, but also shouldn't not play with them. What can you do then? Genuinely develop an interest in wooden train tracks???

It is interesting to witness child development and I love them so much. I like craft but not with a toddler! So I have to include him in other activities like cooking and cleaning (which aren't even as dull as toddler games) and 'nature walks' where we look for things in the woods! I spend school plays impressed at the patience and organisation of teachers, but it does little else for me.

I am the eldest and my father didn't play with us at all or have any particular interest until we were around 5 years old. I am absolutely sure he hadn't heard of any children's characters from TV, I don't once remember him pretending to have any interest in children's books, or toys. He would have said they are for children, not him. He did love computer games, and then so did we. However I love him and we get on great. I just feel sorry that my Mum had to do so many boring things to keep us happy without getting to split the effort.

Into primary school things have got much better. Card games, more conversation, going for walks. Can't comment on older than 7 yrs but I'm optimistic!