To not enjoy my children's childhoods?

[Maisieknew]

It's the back to school inevitability that's prompted this.

My feelings here are really conflicted as I think if I could have my time over I'd still have children. But I don't enjoy them as children. I find the sort of family based activities for young (primary school aged and under) so tedious and largely pointless and I don't enjoy a lot of the things you're supposed to enjoy and take pride in (I hate school plays, parents evening bored me to tears, I just can't get excited about sports day.)

I don't know if I am alone and I do love them - I just don't find under 12s interest me much.

I am not sure I expressed that well about the random bollocks.
I didn't really mean the sort of "I'm talking to you in this inane way because you are 2, look there's a cat isn't that terribly interesting " I just mean that I was a lone parent, and I guess had no one to talk to a lot of the time, so would, chat to my mainly uncomprehending toddler about anything, Eastenders, the gas bill, how my mother was driving me nuts.
He liked it though, and even as a totally speech free 2 year old would put his head in one side and make sympathetic /conversational noises in reply, which made me laugh.

I think we probably obsess too much these days about being perfect parents. I can't imagine either of my parents fretting that they weren't 'enjoying' my brother and I enough!

I love babies. Mine was gorgeous. She is now 20 and fabulous. I've forgotten most of the bits in between as they were either deadly dull, as you describe, OP, or terrifyingly worrying/hormonal and never to be relived.

I agree that we live in an era of unrealistic, idealistic ideas of parenting expectations.

I've got as far as the school starter stage, and still have a toddler. I love seeing them develop as individuals, and both they and I need space. I love spying on them doing their own thing. My mum did the same with me. There are moments that are important to share, and being avaliable is important, but it doesn't have to be a diary full of pintrest moments, and I don't think that level of involvement is particularly healthy anyway.

If you're in a career of your own choosing, you probably on balance enjoy it, but that doesn't mean.you have to enjoy every component part of doing that job. And most people wouldn't expect you to be. Being a parent, those little highlights carry more weight than the slog of keeping them maintained and alive, physically and their interests.

Although my knowledge of vehicles and engineering has come on a long way in the last 4.5 years

I've just remembered the birthday parties. Now lying in a darkened room with a cold flannel on my forehead,

YANBU. The only thing that could have persuaded me to have children is if they could be born at university age

O God birthday parties!

I have thought of something I like. Colouring in. That is the sort of nice activity this mother likes!

What Mrs Monk said.

'I think the best is yet to come. I can't wait to support and help them through ......

What if they don't give a damn about exams, drop out & get on the ASBO list, sneak out with the King of ASBO badge bearers for a boyfriend, refuse to even make friends much less tell you who they are, want to be a bricky rather than go to Uni, and fix an EMO face of horror at the whole idea of going to a prom.

I suppose no MNer's kids are ever like that except mine.

My point is that sometimes all you get from teens is crumbs of good moments barely surfacing from a sea of crapola. Best to try hard to enjoy whatever you have now, because there's no guarantee the future will be so great.

Then they do - but I've still got their back like no one in the world.

Nah I understand. I am an extrovert so it's very natural for me to blab on and on. In fact I read that "What tedious thing has your DH said to you" and couldn't think of anything, and then over the next three days noticed myself doing it to DH multiple times. But I genuinely think it's relevant/interesting information so I can't really filter it because I don't really know what's uninteresting. Babies don't care, anyway. But small children also aren't massively stimulating company so I do also need adult contact at well. That said I understand that the constant commentary would be wearing/irritating to a more introverted person. (If it makes you feel better, I do sometimes wish I hadn't encouraged DS to talk quite so constantly about absolutely nothing, but I think they all do that, don't they?)

I am a little bit cautious about blithely proclaiming that I'm going to be great at teens because actually who knows what it's going to be like, and surely it depends on so much. I mean, I was totally convinced that I was going to love every minute of motherhood in general - not so much. So I'll take every bit as it comes and I'm just glad I'm enjoying this stage where I'm at. I'll catch myself every now and again dealing with something hard and just dealing with it, not falling apart, and that feels great. There's nothing like it. I think it's just the contrast of having found it so tough at times that it's nice to know that I'm coping with things, if that makes sense?

I'm fairly introverted and still relate to my own children very well. I am very greedy about my time with them though as they both 'are' really good company. I prefer it when it's just our little gang and find their friends alter the whole dynamic of our set up. For instance, I can completely get lost in making films with them, making masks for a series of characters a book and performing a play with the masks. Singing and doing the actions to a Julia Donaldson style songbook or with my youngest, I love listening to the early years BBC podcasts. If we're out and about DH and I would choose an isolated beach so that we could feel we could play with the DC without people thinking we were 'loud parenting'. I find this stuff comes completely naturally to me. As my eldest is 8 it is more difficult to accept that his friendships are becoming a big part of his life that take him away from our 'fun' but it is very much part of 'growing up' and I wouldn't want him not to have those friends and shared interests.

This post has lifted a giant weight from my shoulders and removed a little of the guilt which I feel on a daily basis, as I to find the day to day dealings with my 3 and 6yr olds relentlessly boring !! My children are my greatest achievement and I could burst with love for them but by God !!!!!!!

im with you OP. i dont get this deepseated angst that others seem to over their kids growing up. in my mind the whole point of parenting is to produce a decent grown human at the end. I hated the baby years, i found it mind-numbingly dull, i much prefer them as the grow and become people in their own right, even when they annoy me!

They might be awful as teens, I just don't know, but I do know I prefer older children to small ones. And as someone has said, they don't require such a constant presence

Think you might be in for a shock then. Someone told me that as children get older they need you MORE in some ways. Now I've got one teen and one soon-to-be-teen, I can confirm that's very true. Less physical stuff, but much more emotional stuff. The minutae of their lives, friendships etc. And sometimes they want to talk to you in the evenings when you'd rather be sitting down watching telly.

As for the 'boring' stuff you have to sit through when they're small, I think you're completely missing the point. It's not about the activity, of course adults don't find Peppa Pig, kiddie arts and crafts, theme parks etc interesting, they're aimed at children. But it's your children's reaction and enjoyment to those things which is the interesting part. Seeing them smile, laugh, develop confidence to try new things, watching them grow as a person.....that's the lovely bit. And doing things which are boring to you but fun for them facilitates that.

YANBU. Nobody knows how they will find maternity until it's too late to back out.

My mother was like you. She openly said she wished she'd never had us, though, because despite loving us we bored her and she hated the responsibility. That was damaging, and you know that, so you don't let on.

I don't know how anyone can blame you for your feelings, either. They just... are. I'm lucky in that they fascinate me - their development, their innocence, their curiosity. But that is all it is: luck. There but for the grace of God, basically.

I think you'll find it really rewarding in later years, when you have curious, capable, intelligent adults with a history shared and a genetic link present. I also wonder if, like my own mother, you will be utterly enchanted by and smitten with grandchildren. Meanwhile, I honestly sympathise, because a lot of parenting IS grinding.

Actually I quite like the sound of you OP though we don't have much in common, I would gladly skip the teenage years and have a bit more of babies and toddlers, especially two-year-olds.

But you actually sound like quite a fun mother to have with good communication with your children.

Do you honestly, seriously think my son believes I run in terror from a sign saying 'children' on it?

There are some very silly posts here. If my husband ever asked 'what did Mummy enjoy doing today?' I would be and Why on earth would he ask such a revolting twee question?

I don't do imaginary play or dress up. I am sometimes forced into playing chase with the toddler (sometimes I really can't as I have a baby.) I am guilty as charged regarding not sitting in ecstatic delight over my children's plays, sports days and parents evenings. Ah well! The posters who claim my fake enthusiasm will be sensed by my children by and large are the posters who claim to have parents who were bored by them - they are projecting, in other words.

My eldest is an age where it does him no harm to realise different people at different ages and stages like different things. He recognises the sort of holiday that might be enjoyed by a group of 18 year olds might not also be enjoyed by 60 year olds; he also recognises that his parents, in their 30s, might not enjoy the sorts of things he likes. That's not a reflection on him - mostly we do them anyway - for him. He won't come to Peppa Pig World because he isn't a toddler: his sisters will, because they are.

It is true teens need you more but it's a very different need and isn't based around nappies or play or language.

I really, genuinely don't feel any guilt as they are very loved (and know it) well cared for, and by the standards of the world and even the country extremely pampered (not spoilt, they are polite and appreciative.)

They're just kids. As I say, they can't help being annoying and they will outgrow it.

I'd love to go to Peppa Pig World.

I was shit hot at creating Brio train tracks.
And reading to them.
But never went near a theme park ( we live close to two major ones) and would never take them to Disneyland. Dd finally took herself at 18.

I do if they are projecting and I can assure you there is no foot stamping in my posts, or yelling in people's faces - I don't tend to do that, do you?

It's a shame you want to read them as if there is.

It isn't dismissive to say 'actually, you know, what you describe happening in your childhood isn't what is happening here.'

Interestingly, a number of posters have said that they liked their babies and small children but struggled as the children grew - don't the same points still apply then? Should our feigned no, sincere, it must be sincere or the children will know go from Peppa Pig to Horrid Henry to One Direction?

Usually, as they grow, children like the fact their interests and their enthusiasms are separate from their parents. This is very natural in teen years especially - to find out who you are, you first have to find out who you are not, and teens often go out of their way to be notably different to their parents. Respecting that and seeing who they are going to be is something I'm looking forward to, but in the meantime it's Peppa Pig all the way. That's fine and I can live with it but just the same, I'm not going to be crying into my apple and bramble crumble 10 years down the line as DD1 prepares to go to secondary school. :)

Dd is off to uni in a couple of weeks and I'm getting the " oh youll miss her so much, youll be really upset "
Er no
Can't wait. Because its going to be fantastic for her. She has already got a weekend job there so won't be back till Xmas. So I won't see her for three months.

I have never got this angst about starting school, leaving primary, going to secondary. They are important stages in their lives to be embraced, not angst filled.

When DS goes to uni I will have a gap year