to not want to be faced with 'what did you do all day?' every day

[Iamatotalandutteridiot]

just faced it again tonight

He is currently cleaning the glass 'because it is streaky' (Note: no finger prints, so I have obviously cleaned it... just streaky)

I have entertained 3 kids today - on the last week of their holidays. I have sorted uniform, made sure everything is name tagged, I have fed them, I have read to them, I have bathed them.

SOOOO sick of having to justify how I spend each minute when I have kids at home.

but where would I go without the children?

He would for sure think I was cheating on him or spending money I didn't need to spend (and then... for WHY???? was I spending the money)

I can't think of what reason me going out on my own would be acceptable.

Dh works full time and I work 3 evenings a week.
He can moan a bit of I let things slide too much (as in over flowing washing basket, breakfast dishes still on table etc as opposed to a streak on a window)
But in an average week he gets the kids ready for bed most nights, hovers the floor most nights, we share bedtime, gets up with the kids BOTH weekend mornings as I work late so am normally knackered, makes lunch on the weekend, cooks sat night if I haven't had time/inclination to sort something out before I go to work, hang up washin on a weekend, does stuff with the kids, has 2 of the kids if I am taking the other to a party/activity, takes the kids to the park, etc etc
He also Helps with the housework if I ask him too

As I am home in the days I do the majority of the jobs, cleaning, washing, errands, phone calls, organising etc as I feel especially now the youngest is starting school it's only fair so weekends can be family time but childcare is 50/50
That's the deal breaker for me I wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't step up and be a father and being a father entails looking after the children solo, playin with the children, feeding, changing and bathing the children, etc

I don't think going off for the day would be a good idea. You husband would use it against you, as you guess. He would work like crazy to do a great job, say it was easy and make you feel dreadful about it. You shouldn't have to do this, a decent man would listen to you and treat you well even if he didn't understand how hard being a sahm really is. If there was a big problem with the housework he would talk about it nicely and in a solution focused way, not a harsh, critical way.

If having time to yourself makes you an unfit mother, ss would collapse.

I don't just bugger off because we have a nice, loving, functional and equal relationship (sorry if that sounds harsh) we discuss and agree stuff.

However when I was a SAHM, my DH would encourage me to go out for the day with friends or shopping with my Mum and he'd look after the children. (And enjoy it)

He does a stressful, senior role, with long hours btw.

I work full time and we both from time to time go away with friends for weekends and the other parent takes up the slack.

A man who isn't competent to look after his own children for a few days is deeply unattractive in my book.

Even exercise classes have been vetoed. Why do I want to get fit? why? I could jog with the kids... etc tc.,

We had been arguing. He works 12 hour shift Mon-Thurs. Thurs night he came home I said I needed some head space and my friend was away for the weekend and had said I could stay at hers (true). I already had my bag packed before he got home. That was literally all I said, then I left. He said nothing.
I felt very guilty for leaving my children because I knew they would not be as well cared for by him as by me . . . but I knew they would survive and he is a good dad . . . and I hoped it would improve things in the long term.
The bastard (to clarify, I love him and we're very close NOW, but at the time I thought he was a bastard) did not answer my calls when I tried to ring to speak to them which was very hurtful, but luckily I have my spies which is how I found out that a) they were ok and b) DD1 was late for school and he looked very harrassed (HAHA!)
I returned on the Sunday afternoon, house in ruins, kids in their pj's . . . I bought presents for them, they were elated to see me and all was well again. I also actually . . . despite the stresses . . . had a very lovely weekend of me time . . . booked a massage and everything ;)
He ignored me and basically made an arse of himself for the rest of Sunday. But returned to work on the Monday and by the time he was home again on the Friday he had mellowed, we were fine and he never moaned about the housework ever again. And I showed him than in fact he needs me FAR more than I need him . . . shifted the balance in our relationship.
I worked nights for 5 years after having my first DC and he still expected the house to be immaculate despite the fact that I was up all day and all night (except for a few naps when the DC's slept) for 3 days straight! Last year I started working 2 days a week in the day time and now it would be completely ridiculous for him to complain at me since the house and kids are in a far better state when he gets home than when I do!
What about getting yourself a part time job? That way you have your own spends and he can not complain about you going out to work and would force him to have the kids and house while you are there . . . he'd soon change his tune xxx

Jogging with the dcs. He can jog on. He is very abusive

Op - your husband doesnt get to decide if you do an exercise class or not. You do. It isn't up to him.

Where would I go without the children??

Seriously??

To browse the shops, to walk in a park/local gardens, to sit and read a book in a cafe, to a museum/gallery/exhibition/ for a walk/cycle in the country, to see a play or watch a film.

hed be wrong if he thought you were having an affair- so why should that be a reason not to go?? I am gobsmacked by this.

There are a million possibilities, many are free.

You exist as a person in your own right. You are entitled to go put for the day and do as you please.

You're allowed to go out on your own because you're a human being who, just once in a while, is entitled to some me time. And you're the person who has given him three children and looks after them at least 18 hours a day. And you're the person who he presumably promised to love, honour and cherish. And because it's what normal married people do. Tell him all of that.

Thanks laundry - I know that's what would happen.

I'd come home to a perfect house everything done and the kids saying they'd had a great day.

teeth not cleaned, hair not brushed, sat on IPADS all day, McD's for lunch, pizza for dinner. Toys bought as a treat. I can imagine it.

Stuff I just couldn't do every day - financially or for their wellbeing.

But somehow, I'd be the shitster who can't make the day perfect... because I expect teeth brushing, fruit eating, chore doing manners.

How old are your dcs?

My god op, I hope this thread has been a bit of an eye opener for you and you start to think seriously about your future with this poor excuse for a man! You deserve so much more.

My Dh does this and it fucks me right off. In slight fairness to my Dh I don't have kids at home and am a total slattern. . So he's lucky if Ive emptied and filled the dishwasher!

I tend to go to the gym, go cycling, meet friends.....im not one for housework.

I do work mind, only part time.....so I figure these are my days off and if I want to watch TV, read a book I will. People need down time.

I have told Dh to stop nagging. I'm also pretending to do a Masters so he thinks I spend a lot of time writing assignments! .

He cannot veto an exercise class. If he seriously tells you that you're not allowed to go you need to end the relationship. Please please please don't let your children grow up thinking this is normal.

It sounds like you are practically under house arrest

Can you phone Women's Aid and start to think about your options?

How old are your dc?

I think you overestimate his abilities . . . and underestimate your own . . . and if indeed that's what you did come home to what would stop you from pointing that all out? x

your husband is abusive. You do know this is not how normal partners behave, right? Vetoing where you can or can't go, criticising what you do, controlling your spending etc. Won't even give you a day off - hey, if being a SAH is nothing, what's the problem with doing it over the weekend?
Maybe post in Relationships?

Your dp does sound really controlling. I wouldn't put up with it and you dnt have to.....but I appreciate that's easy for a stranger to say.

I told Dh the other day im going away for a week on my own at the end of the month. Ive got annual leave to take so im off to the Lake District for a week. He will be at work and he will have to get dd out the door for the bus and sort her dinners out.

He didn't bat an eyelid when I told him. And I wouldn't be impressed if he did!

Lol . . . WhoTheFuckIsSimon's husband sounds like a fucking saint! x

I'm also pretending to do a Masters I love that