to not want to be faced with 'what did you do all day?' every day

[Iamatotalandutteridiot]

just faced it again tonight

He is currently cleaning the glass 'because it is streaky' (Note: no finger prints, so I have obviously cleaned it... just streaky)

I have entertained 3 kids today - on the last week of their holidays. I have sorted uniform, made sure everything is name tagged, I have fed them, I have read to them, I have bathed them.

SOOOO sick of having to justify how I spend each minute when I have kids at home.

Iam, you are committing another sin of abuse victims, which is to cling to your own rationalism and to have faith in it.

You are perfectly right to say you have nothing to hide. In a way it is an act of disengagement on your part to not bother changing passwords, etc. Disengagement is good.

However please acknowledge to yourself that the person you are dealing with is not rational at all. In a way, the impulse to cling to rationalism is another way for you to convince yourself that you have control of this, and that your situation is governed by rationality, reason, reasonableness, and some sort of unspoken code of conduct that enables you to depend on what your rational mind tries to get you to foresee.

You need to remember that a person who does all the things your H does is going to do whatever he sees fit in any given situation to turn the situation to his advantage or to make you suffer in a way that he can see. Right now he has you in 'maintenance' mode, spinning on your gerbil wheel/trying to keep all the balls in the air (insert your own metaphor). The situation is terrible but for you it has the advantage of being your own familiar terrible situation. You MUST remember that he can change the situation any time he chooses to, and that how he chooses to change things is not necessarily going to be in a way that is based on rationality or reason. Nothing he does is based on rationality or reason.

He will do anything he feels entitled to do and anything he sees fit to do, from taking away your internet service and/ or phone service to locking you in the house all day, to acts of violence against you or the children. Do not let the part of you that has got used to the way things are convince you that you can rely on what you see as continuation of rationality and validation of your faith in it. All victims of domestic abuse are right, and all the abusers are wrong, but that is cold comfort to someone whose neck has been broken or whose nose will never be the same again.

I do understand how hard it is to leave. I started quite a few threads on here regarding my Ex before I finally left. In my case I think I was scared that I wouldn't be able to manage on my own, that I was worried that the kids would be disadvantaged financially, and I did still love him - because after all it wasn't shit 100% of the time. I had a bed and a wardrobe though!

What is it that's keeping you there do you think? You're so adamant that whatever he does you'll still stay. Is it religion? Or fear of the unknown? Or lack of self worth? Or something else?

I'm just wondering if it's something you can work on? Don't think for a second you can change him. He's happy with the situation - he's got exactly what he wants after all. But can you change yourself?