to not want to be faced with 'what did you do all day?' every day

[Iamatotalandutteridiot]

just faced it again tonight

He is currently cleaning the glass 'because it is streaky' (Note: no finger prints, so I have obviously cleaned it... just streaky)

I have entertained 3 kids today - on the last week of their holidays. I have sorted uniform, made sure everything is name tagged, I have fed them, I have read to them, I have bathed them.

SOOOO sick of having to justify how I spend each minute when I have kids at home.

So, if you have daughters they will grow to think a women is there to be walked over. If you have boys they will think they can do the walking.

Get some self respect, at least for the small humans you're bringing up.

Don't ask him, tell him you need a break and leave him to it.

It is frustrating as the working parent to come home to a filthy house and a partner prattling about on an ipad. I was very stroppy with dh for the same thing this evening. I'm working all day, he gets to choose how to spend his day for the most part with just a few jobs being done at some point. He gets to not be at work.

It's different in the summer though and dh does have different lower standards. I'm looking forward to school being back and our house remaining as I left it at bedtime the night before.

I am a bit concerned that he won't let you have a day off. Most of us crave a day to have our own thoughts every now and again. He's also foolish to criticise what you have done, that might make you never bother to do it again

There are so many of these threads. I'm starting to think that women stay with shitty men just to pump out kids and have a meal ticket.

OP you're husband is an utter prick why the fuck did you have 3 kids with him please leave him and stop being so helpless. Think of your kids.

OP, are you serious? If so contact womens aid and start making plans to leave.

Can people stop with the 'oh ho, leave him for the day, that'll teach him wink wink' type comments. The situation is obviously far past that, and actually seems like an abusive, miserable situation.

OP do you know that all of this is far from normal, and not what relationships are supposed to be like?

Why are you letting your children grown up thinking this is normal.

You need to break the cycle for their sakes. Fuck it, if you enjoy living like that but if you love your kids then sort yourself out.

It's all very well saying 'do this' or 'do that' but you're not living with this abusive arsehole.

I used to have one of those. Even when (with twins with additional needs too) I was working part time, I still got 'what have you done all day' and 'why haven't you done x,y and z' every single day -and he was backed up by his mother. Even the fact that my day carried on well past midnight every day made no difference while he went to bed drunk at 9.30 .

Getting out is easier said than done when you've had your confidence eroded over time.

Iam, he will not change. Start squirrelling money away. Keep a log of anything abusive (texts, emails etc). Make an exit plan. x

Flowers that was hardly helpful.

What an arsehole.

are you happy in this marriage?

It's sounds like he has all the power and you let him. It wouldn't do any harm to have a day to yourself and let the kids not brush their teeth ect. Your enabling this behaviour by being passive.

So what if he blows his top. I would calmly stand up, grab car key and walk out of the house and go for a drive, catch a movie ect

Why are you putting up with this nonsense? Honestly, it just sounds soul-destroying to me: staying at home with the children all day (not an easy job, especially if the children are very young) and then facing a barrage of criticism from your husband when he returns from work. A husband who can't take care of his own children and "won't let" you hire a cleaner. That would be enough to wear anyone down.

I hope you have family and friends IRL for emotional and practical support.

Do you have any friends or supportive family nearby?

He'd kill me

OP you need to be more specific. Are you saying that you are in actual fear of him, that you believe he would literally kill you, or at least harm you? Or do you mean he would be angry?

NO, I have friends, but they all think DH is the best thing since sliced bread... hes a very different person when other people are around.

ANd, NO no family close by, but they largely do know what he's like. (but they still think he's great)

He is very nice when he wants to be.

Can you discuss this with your DH at all?

Make him see that this is not how most couples operate? Certainly not in a 'loving' relationship.

Not read all the comments so apologies if this has already been said . . . my DH used to moan at me about the housework . . . until I fucked off for the weekend and left him with the kids. I know you said you're not allowed to do that . . . but WTAF??! Just go! There is no allowing you! I told him I needed some head space and went.
Came home to an absolute diabolical shit hole . . . and my daughter was late for school on the Friday under his care . . .
He has NEVER EVER moaned at me about the housework ever ever again. Problem solved xxx

XXYwhat did you say about leaving?

My Dh would go mental and ( I believe) use it as a reason I am an unfit mother.

I couldn't risk it. But, I am keen to know... if you just 'bugger off' what do your partners do for work / childcare?

You can't leave the dc with him because he needs a break, plus, simultaneously, looking after the dc isn't work?
Have you asked him which it is?

This isn't right op.

Can you leave him?

Unfit mother? for going out on your own? He is a grade a cunt

OF course, it is not unreasonable to not want to be questioned over standards of cleaning. that would undermine and upset anyone. It is all very well being told to LTB, but it doesn't actually address what you want to happen.

What do you want? To stay? To be appreciated? To leave? What would make your life better?

No need to answer me, but they are questions you should think about...

If you're worried he would take your dc if you were to split - he refuses to look after them for a day, so how would that work?
You wouldn't be an unfit mother if you have a day off btw, that's utter tripe. He's beaten you down, it seems.