People marry people like this because they are not like this to begin with. Abusers suck you in and look fairly normal to begin with. They can even be very seductive and charming -- as the OP reports, her H is different with other people, people he is seeking to impress. I would guess he is mostly all sweetness and light at his place of work.
Once the victim is trapped, abuse starts in small ways that are hard to pin down or name, a variety of little things that chip away at your confidence until you are a mess. Abusers also engage in a pattern where they will offer a compliment occasionally, a crumb from the table, which has the effect of keeping you trying to please in order to elicit another compliment or a smile, etc., until you find yourself in it up to the neck, as the OP is, and thinking she has no choice but to keep on trying to improve everything.
'It's not true that he wouldn't be happier if I was better at doing housework.
There are days I know I should clean and I just don't.'
Sweetheart, he sincerely doesn't care. He is not your employer. You are not accountable to him for how the house is kept. It is your home and you can decide if you want to clean it or not, and you get to set the standard of clean to which you aspire, and decide how to achieve that. There is no day when you 'should' clean unless you feel the house could use a once over.
If he wanted a clean house he would hire a cleaner. This is what people do when they are not really happy about how clean their house is. They decide what they value and they work to achieve that.
What he wants is the knowledge that you are trying to keep the house clean in order to present the fruit of your work to him every day, and the knowledge that you accept that you owe him an account of how you spent your day, aka the knowledge that you are under his thumb. You clean the windows and he finds streaks to point out to you. Excellent.