to not want to be faced with 'what did you do all day?' every day

[Iamatotalandutteridiot]

just faced it again tonight

He is currently cleaning the glass 'because it is streaky' (Note: no finger prints, so I have obviously cleaned it... just streaky)

I have entertained 3 kids today - on the last week of their holidays. I have sorted uniform, made sure everything is name tagged, I have fed them, I have read to them, I have bathed them.

SOOOO sick of having to justify how I spend each minute when I have kids at home.

math I am reading your posts and learning. Thank you.x

OP, how are you today?

This isn't the first time you have posted about him though is it? Im sure you have have posted about him before and got pretty much the same responses.

op if this is the BS you will gladly put up with to keep the life style your used to fine but I really hope your dc don't see you being disrespected or treated like the hired help instead of some ones wife and mother, it's not fair on them to think this is normal as it isn't. You will be sending them a very clear message as this is how women should be treated

I am sure your DC will absolutely prefer their mother to be calm, relaxed and happy, and above all worthy of respect (which will affect their own expectations when they grow up), rather than belittled and unhappy as you must be now, MORE than any kind of lifestyle they are currently getting.

I would just give the fuck up!

When he says I've done a shit job at housework I'd just say (and I do say!) 'Yep, I don't like housework so I do the bare minimum. If you don't like it, hire a cleaner, I'm here to look after the kids.' Just stop caring about what he thinks of your standards and you will take a lot of the power away. If he starts crashing around cleaning, just say, I'm taking the kids out to mac d's for tea while you strop about cleaning. See you in an hour when you have calmed down and got it out of your system. You're welcome.'

Giving a damn is your first problem. Detach and protect yourself from it. Make it public knowledge (especially his friends) that you detest cleaning but DH is too tight to get you a cleaner and prefers to whine about it. Embarrass the fucker and don't define yourself by how good a wifey you are, because no one except you gives a shiny shit and the only person who could isn't appreciating it anyway.

But I would be leaving him to it for a weekend/forever. You really need to wise up.

SOOOO sick of having to justify how I spend each minute

But there it is.

You don't have to justify at all.
He can demand that you justify your time to him- but you are under no obligation to do so.

Personally I couldn't waste my time with a man who behaves so badly.
I would rather be on my own.

I think you're all being ridiculously over the top. Not once in this entire thread has OP suggested that her H is physically abusive towards her. I'm on two threads similar to this with husband's behaving like arseholes and people are so quick to jump on the LTB and he's abusive band waggon. I'm glad I stayed with my husband through all his shitty behaviour. I promised to love him for the rest of my life and a lot of his behaviour was related to his childhood. We've worked through it together and it's made us stronger than ever.
However, I have never fallen out of love with my husband in all our 8 years and even at my lowest points I always felt there was something there worth saving. He had a tendancy to fly off the handle and would say and do some awful things to me when he did, but in between times we laughed, had fun, made love . . . and he has always been a good dad.
We never allowed our children to be affected by our 'arguments' and they are now 7, 4 and 6 months and much happier for living happily with both their mum and dad.
OP also makes a valid point about weekend visitation. When I considered leaving it was a great concern of mine that I would have to hand them over to him for two whole days every other week (or whatever) and have no say in where they went, what they did, or what he said to them. At least if I stayed I was able to make sure my children were ok 100% of the time.
What you have to decide OP is whether your husband really is abusive or if he's just a bit of an arsehole sometimes. If it's just the arsehole thing, then is it something you can work on? Can you ever imagine a time where you might be happy again with him? . . . If you can't, then PP's are right . . . all you are doing is teaching your daughters to accept that behaviour from men in her/their future relationships, and teaching your son/s that it's ok to treat women that way. I've always stated that in no uncertain terms to my DH whenever his behaviour has crossed the line and it's always reigned him in, because he is a good man in his heart . . . is that the case with your H? x

Good post yummymummy

Yummy- the OP has said that her husband won't let her go to exercise classes and if she goes out alone he'll think she's having an affair! I'm not one to jump on the LTB bandwagon but just because he doesn't hit her doesn't stop it from being abusive. We are in 2015- there is no reason why the woman should be answerable to the man, yes he earns the money but she is bringing up his children.

That reads like high insecurity on his part to me . . . where does that come from, why is he like that? Could something be done to stop him from feeling that way and therefore change his behaviour?

I'm not saying he's NOT abusive. He might be, the OP really hasn't given us enough information to go on. I'm just saying she says 'he'd kill me' (a phrase we all use from time to time quite light heartedly) and you're all like 'OMG this woman is in danger we must help her!!)
Do YOU think your husband is abusive OP?? x

Abuse doesn't have to be physical to be damaging and to be abuse.

Just because you managed to sort out your problems doesn't mean everybody can. I certainly couldn't because it takes both partners to acknowledge there is a problem and when you are with an abusive twat that often isn't the case. My 15 year marriage saw me needing counselling and if I hadn't been able to get away I was certainly heading for a nervous breakdown. But woohoo and well done to you, Yummy.

Yummy - the 1950's called, it wants the submissive housewife attitude back.

OP I wish you luck and happiness in whatever you decide to do xxx

Lots of anger in your posts yummymummy. Interesting how quickly you turned aggressor, any thoughts on why?

How was your upbringing? Why did you marry someone who treated you badly?

Ok then dear, you keep telling yourself that.

Maybe go back to Nethuns, and take your kisses and full stops with you :)

Why so aggressive yummy? The thing that strikes me from your post is that you had to stick with your husband through his shitty behaviour. A decent man doesn't just fly off the handle. It should be an equal relationship not one where the wife has to stick by him while he's an arse.

*Netmums

a bunch of bitter and twisted old bra burners

Yep, that's us

Come on guys, it's not very edifying getting into a spat on a thread where the OP may need serious help. Maybe best to park it, eh?

Sigh.

OP. I'm not sure you answered earlier but is there anyway you can get to some money to save?

Bye bye yummymummy.

I didn't want to get in a spat, but the 'grin and bear it because you are married' advice is crap to give to the OP in her situation. She shouldn't have to put up with this.

Anyway, OP, as PP said, you are not a skivvy or the paid help. You need to value yourself. If you cant talk to your DH so that he might see where you are coming from, then I would LTB. Its not in the best interests of anybody for you to be living like this.