to be fed up of being challenged for parking in a disabled space?

[hedgehogsdontbite]

People think they're doing the righteous thing when they appoint themselves to the parking police but do they ever think about the impact they're having on the other person?

I was challenged yet again yesterday. The woman watched me park then stood in the space behind my car staring at me the whole time while I got out. Then snaps 'these spaces are for disabled people' as I walk past her.

Thing is, I have a blue badge which was out on my dashboard which shewouls have seen if she wasn't behind my car. But why do I even need to justify myself to some random in a supermarket carpark? I feel so intimidated by this kind of thing that I couldn't cope being in the shop so left. So now I need to go today instead, if I can get past the anxiety it's created.

AIBU to think 'just leave me the fuck alone'?

'If I don't want to discuss it ...?' What are you on about? I've answered all the questions put to me. I was prickly in my response to insancerre because I was upset and I found her post quite accusatory rather than a sincere question, although I still answered her question.

DoctorDonnaNoble - I don't agree with the special exemptions that often exist for cancer treatment. It should be based purely on need, not on what illness you have.

Indeed. My mil was entitled to one as she had chemo even though she was FAR more able than my mother. As it happens she now really needs it but the regulations are a little strange.

Well ive learned a bit more about autism today thanks to insanceres question. I had no idea it could affect you physically. Also didnt know what crohns does to you. Im not a medical professional, nor do i know anyone personally with these illnesses, so i tend to rely on mn to learn about these things. I dont think id challenge anyone in a carpark or disabled loo, but i like the youve forgotten to put your badge up line.

doctor surely you can apply for a badge and qualify on the lack of your mums mobility / balance , if you tell them she falls etc she should pass any medical examination - where we live a physio or OT does the assessments .

You can't expect people to understand if its not discussed and explained
The op may not have to explain to random strangers in the car park but its realistic to expect everyone to understand hidden disabilities if the issue isnt discussed

Unless your job is the issueing of BB's then you do not need to understand. It is not your business and nothing to do with you

I'm sure when I'm in my car I like fine but I have Cerebral Palsy which is immediately obvious once I'm out of the car, I'm built like a brick shit house but it doesn't stop some people questioning my need for a blue badge

I look fine*

Something else it seems a lot of people don't know/understand about autism is that one of the core deficits (ie shared across the board) is mind blindness. It is extremely difficult/impossible for us to fully process that others don't know what we know. It's why we're so open and honest, because you know it already, or so closed, no need to tell you something you already know.

As an intelligent adult I know you don't know what I know unless you ask or I tell you. But the autistic part of me doesn't believe it. So the autistic part of me intiates a 'FFS!' response to questions where the answer is blindingly obvious to me.

We've looked into it. She doesn't qualify.
She does, however, qualify for a hearing dog which will help her confidence out and about.

Many people don't realise how hard it is now in many places to get a Blue Badge.

why the attack - I was merely suggesting not a permanent sticker but one that goes on the shelf
do get over yourselves - it would be a matter of opening the hatchback and putting the badge there as well as in the front
as someone else said the badge goes with the person not the car - so a piece of cardboard can be put in both places if possible
for goodness sake I was trying to suggest a scenario where the abusive people would not launch into their invective on not spotting a blue badge.
what I actually said
why would it be any more difficult to move a rear shelf badge as well as a dashboard badge

right - shall not try to help in future as you are all so determined to be rude and aggressive to me when I was merely making a comment - and yes I was confused hence the which I always understood was correct for confusion.

Sorry but you're making a lot of ill'informed assumptions mollie.

You're assuming:

• that all disabled people drive hatchbacks
• that all disabled people are able to open and close a hatchback themselves
• that all disabled people can reach the shelf
• that all vehicles driven by disabled people have rear shelves
• that they all have rear windows you can see through

Can we all agree that this guy I saw yesterday parked across TWO accessible spaces at the supermarket was BU?

(He pulled up to drop someone off then spent over ten minutes messing about with his car and standing around having a fag before getting back in and driving around a bit, presumably to look for a space.)

• and that is the face for confusion.

It isn't.

[confusion] is.

HTH

even

I can just imagine the next AIBU:
'AIBU to think that someone who can squirm through her car/open the hatchback and close it/reach the back shelf can't be disabled enough to need a Blue Badge?'

For some reason this is reminding me of our current battles for DS's DSA:
'Hi, I'm phoning on behalf of my son because...'
'Sorry, but we'll have to speak to him, not you.'
'...because he has autism and struggles to communicate, which is why he's going to need extra help...'
'Well, if you'll just tell him to ring us himself, please, we can discuss it with him.'

is the passive aggressive patronising face for 'you don't actually have a clue what you're talking about'.

Don't think having a 'disabled' sticker in the back of the car makes any difference either. I was challenged at our GP practice by an nosey old codger elderly gentleman, who stood at the side of my car and waited for me and asked me if I knew I was parked in a disabled space. I had a blue badge in the front windscreen, a 'please leave room for my wheelchair sticker' in the back and was driving a wheelchair accessible vehicle with a cut away bumper - none of which he could see from where he was standing.

The badge belongs to my DD and she was already in the car in her wheelchair and I had popped back in to pick up some large boxes of medical supplies for her - which I couldn't carry and push her wheelchair at the same time.

I just told him that I was well aware it was a disabled space, that I was entitled to park there and that rest assured that if I didn't have my daughter in the car with me I would not hesitate to park in one of the many other ordinary available parking spaces which are a few feet away - but not within view of the door of the surgery. He just made a grunting noise and tottered off.

My DD has had a blue badge for 18 years and I can honestly say that I have never parked in a disabled space unless she is with me - why would I? I know how much people need these spaces.

You are going to have to educate me as to why you can't park in a regular space and walk across the car park

Op is going to have to justify her blue badge to you, is she?

Do you often insert yourself into situations that are nothing to do with you, and use imperative language when doing so? You're going to have to educate me on why that is any way, shape or form appropriate adult behaviour, because I am not seeing it.

Other people's blue badges are absolutely nobody else's business.

I think 'no shit Sherlock' is ample answer. Or 'opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one'.
Or you could reply with equally obvious facts.
So twat says
'That's a disabled space'
Bb holder says
'You have a blue coat/ that's a shopping trolley'
Twat will either stand looking confused, or ask what you're talking about. To which you reply 'oh sorry, I was just joining in your game of pointing out irrelevant and obvious facts.
Cheeky fuckers.
I have used the 'you've forgotten your bb line' but in a totally genuine way to people with obvious mobility problems who thanked me and put it out, in a few car parks they otherwise issue fines, so I'm guessing it's perhaps a non confrontational way if people aren't sure.

You are going to have to educate me as to...

Yes, I don't think insancerre worded her question very well, it comes across as accusatory. It also implies that it is the job of people with disabilities and their families to educate people, which it just isn't.

I get it all the time, especially lately as DS2(18) has been driving me about while I recover from surgery. We pull into space and you can see the people, usually of the older generation, in the space adjacent or standing nearby itching to say something to us.

One man told DH, after I'd got out of the car on my crutches that I couldn't possibly be disabled because I had make up on!

I parked in the doctors and came back to the car to a note on the windscreen saying "this space is for real disabled people ie THE ELDERLY!" I took it into the receptionist who told the waiting room full of people that the disabled space was for all disabled people. An elderly couple in the corner looked very, very embarrassed!

I was shocked when it happened to my friend when I was with her. She had multiple operations and two cardiac arrests after a car crash. But because she is young and looks fit and healthy she gets questioned
Her reply was "I spent 9hrs being cut out of a car, have you alway been a twat?"
Unfortunately we are both gobby so I think he may have regretted asking why she felt she could use a disabled space...

It is often the case that people assume disabled means elderly!
I'm entitled to the flu jab due to asthma, usually get glared at by old people while I'm waiting at the GP's special session.