to be fed up of being challenged for parking in a disabled space?

[hedgehogsdontbite]

People think they're doing the righteous thing when they appoint themselves to the parking police but do they ever think about the impact they're having on the other person?

I was challenged yet again yesterday. The woman watched me park then stood in the space behind my car staring at me the whole time while I got out. Then snaps 'these spaces are for disabled people' as I walk past her.

Thing is, I have a blue badge which was out on my dashboard which shewouls have seen if she wasn't behind my car. But why do I even need to justify myself to some random in a supermarket carpark? I feel so intimidated by this kind of thing that I couldn't cope being in the shop so left. So now I need to go today instead, if I can get past the anxiety it's created.

AIBU to think 'just leave me the fuck alone'?

good grief OP, I am staggered that you are having to explain to someone some of the reasons why it may not be possible for a disabled person to 'simply' display some sort of sign in the rear of their car. after all that is so easy for an able bodied person to do. Never mind that you have no legal requirement to do this, and its no one elses damn business anyway!

This has really enlightened me as to just how little thought some people obvioulsy give to the daily challenges faced by disabled people doing simple every day tasks. People obviously assume that being able to drive = able to do everything else, and think that unless you are in a wheelchair then you ought to be able to manage to park and walk and not take up a disabled space. No wonder so many disabled people get abuse or challenges from unthinking passers by.

I shall make sure next time I walk past the disabled bays I just give a big friendly smile or nod good morning.

For those ignoramuses among us here, disability also can be variable.

Disability doesn't mean using a wheelchair, although it can.

It can vary from poor balance, neuro-fatigue, pain, breathlessness or struggle walking if the distance is too far.

On a personal note, I have Multiple Sclerosis, which although is degenerative, is also variable from minute to minute, not just day to day.

I start the day with 40% battery charged, whereas everyone else has 100% batteries charged.

A shopping trip might take 10% of my batteries one day, or only 5% the next. What those idiots might not understand is this: that once battery power is spent, it's gone for the rest of the day. So you have to choose wisely what to spend it on.

Some days even getting dressed and breakfast drains 20%. On a day like that, all symptoms are so aggressive that I can't even think about leaving the house.

On a "good day" (which by the way isn't even close to being a bad day for a normal person), I can manage a trip to the shops. But the effort of getting round the shop and driving back home, drains a huge amount of battery life and so I have learned to utilise all the resources available to me, in order to pace myself better.

A blue badge is just one way of achieving that.

If you looked at me, you would not know I am feeling sick with tiredness, finding it hard to focus on the task at hand, having to concentrate hard on balancing so I don't fall over, feeling numb on one side, starting to talk with slurred speech, feeling desperate to lie down somewhere.

All of those symptoms (and more besides) qualify me to use a blue badge. One day I might need a wheelchair, as a lot of people with MS have to. But for the moment I can get by without. It doesn't make me any less disabled though. In fact, one friend with MS told me she was much less disabled now that she has a wheelchair, because she no longer has to work as hard with balance and fatigue with walking, and that sort of thing.

OP. some people just can't imagine beyond their limited experience. Feel sorry for them! It can't be nice to live in such a narrow view of the world.

But in answer to your post, YANBU. Absolutely not.

I detest the idea that we should have to tell people about private medical history (ours or our dc's depending on who has a disability). I get it all the time - my ds1 is in a wheelchair when we go out and about, and people just point blank ask what is wrong with him, why is he in a wheelchair, and so on. He doesn't understand or know some of his SNs, and he has only recently been told he has hypermobility (which didn't go over well) and the last thing I'm going to do is tell a stranger when I haven't even been able to explain it properly to HIM yet. And these are just randoms we see while we're in a store or on the high street, in the lift, or employees while we're paying for things. I actually complained at Primark when an employee said to me "So what's wrong with him then that he's in a wheelchair?" very loudly in front of a huge queue of people. Manager was quite rightly horrified and apologised profusely, then rushed off to speak to the employee.

It's like people think he's not there and can't hear them. Like he's not a person in his own right with feelings that might be upset by people discussing him.

And while he uses a wheelchair frequently, we do not have a blue badge.

Why does anyone need to know why someone needs a blue badge?

I mean, you need to know if you're assessing an application. You need to know if you're a carer/driving someone maybe, but some poster on an internet forum - no. You don't need to know and you don't have the right to know either.

What you need to do is ACCEPT and RESPECT. Someone has a blue badge. More informed people than you have decided that a person needs it. It is an invasion of their privacy to ask why they need a blue badge. Would you have asked, insancerre, if hedgehogs hadn't mentioned her autism? Did you assume a) that was her only disability or b) why her autism meant she needed to use a disabled parking space?

Hedgehogs - the world is littered with stupid people. Ignoring and walking on is the right thing to do. That and going on the internet to make the point that random strangers have neither the right nor the need to know why you have a blue badge.

I hope you day got better after your trip out. Don't let one idiot in a car park discourage you. I would be fed up of being challenged too.

My Mum gets this. My Dad has MS and can barely walk. He likes to go to the cinema, pub and library though but has to be picked up. When my Mum goes to collect him she puts the blue badge on but often gets shouted at as she walks into the building. The blue badge makes no odds as people think that able bodied people 'borrow' them to do their shopping etc. They generally shut up when she comes out of the building with someone who can barely put one foot in front of the other.

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))) Hedge
btdt. im only 51 and have the Aussie equivalent of the Blue Badge
Something about having Arthritis since I was 7 being the reason.

What Peppa said.

This thread is close to making me weep.

Yes Alice - it is so insulting, and disrespectful.

I complained about a woman who worked in a museum, who decided to quiz, ds, me and then his sisters (who were 7 and 8) about ds, after she told him to 'speak up' and I explained that he is non verbal, and she said, 'is that because he doesn't want to or that he can't' and when i explained that he had a genetic condition, she proceeded to say to say how he didn't look like he had anything wrong with him, and was there a cure??!!

sorry that made me laugh hazeyjane[bitterly] ds 2 also has a genetic condition he has a chromosome deletion thought to have caused his asd and learning disabillity we also get is there a cure? yes i will just cut him open and pop the little bit of chromosome missing back in! and there doesnt looklike there is anything wrong with him he is also non verbal

and since we are educating here please may I add that non-verbal does not necessarily mean non-understanding. I wish people would show more tact around dc.

Maybe all bb holders should get it tattooed on their head, and carry round laminated summaries of their medical history and vital statistics to show nosey self-righteous twats interested parties. Paid for by the huge fortune in benefits that everyone knows people with disabilities get. Bit humiliating but surely nothing compared to the feelings of an able bodied person who perhaps had to walk from a further space, that is true hardship. We stopped shoving the disabled in asylums, what more can they want?

I am actually tempted by the idea of a laminated card. Mine would say:

I am disabled.
You are a twat.

So horrible to hear all these experiences. WHY are some people so nosey & aggressive ?

The disabled have (theoretically) the same rights to personal privacy and dignity as the rest of us.
It's crazy to harass and distress the 19 out of 20 genuine blue badge holders, to catch the maybe 1 in 20 who falsely use one.

Dreadful behaviour of these self-appointed "disability inspectors". They are a kind of vigilante, imo.

Bears the card could follow in the style of Oscar Wilde;

I am disabled - not my fault.
You are a twat - utterly your fault.
Now give back my card and Jog on.

But really the blue badge is essentially a point of information which politely implies all of the above and yet is seen as a calling card for abuse.

Op I am sorry you are being judged, both in real life and on this thread in parts

I think the problem is that so many people do abuse the system. It might be difficult to get issued with a badge - but it is easy to use someone elses. A former colleague used to boast about parking right out the front of our city centre place of work in the one disabled spot using her mother's blue badge. She saw nothing wrong with this. Never mind if other colleagues or customers needed the parking place for themselves Made me very angry!

I disagree MissDuke, if someone is openly abusing a system and that is known for a fact then it can be reported to the council to be dealt with by them. This is quite different to accosting a stranger you know nothing about.

Exactly bigchoc . People should mind their own business.

Some businesses fraud inland revenue missduke. Doesn't mean I, in my capacity of twat member of the public, get to go round all the local shops, tradesmen, services etc and demand they share their finances with me to prove they aren't on the fiddle.

I don't think Insancerre deserves all the rudeness, her question has gone some way in educating me and no doubt others. Many assume blue badge wearers are taking the mick/abusing the system.... my husband uses one for the mil as she is classed as disabled although he is an able-bodied person and can see why people would judge him when he's running her around although they shouldn't.
People stand behind people in the parent and baby spaces too looking for proof of child!

Totally agree about hidden disabilities. DD has MS and her car is a Motability car, but on a good day you might easily think she was OK (mind you as she is very independent on a good day she might well use an ordinary space and leave the disabled one for someone else). I think there are a lot of people who don't realise she has MS because she might well not be out and about on bad days, and some people only see her on good days.
I don't think Insancerre deserved all the flack either. She is not asking anyone to justify themselves, just asking them to educate her, which is different.

To those people on the thread that think it's disabled people's responsibility to educate other people about their disabilities, I want you to stop and think for a second about what you're actually asking.

To you, it's the first time you've seen or spoken to this person, so if you ask a question, it affects you once. You get your answer (or get told to fuck off!) and that's it.

To the person with the condition, it might be the fifth time that day they've felt like they needed to justify or explain themselves. They might have had it twice yesterday, three times the day before. It all builds up. Every doubting look or tut or challenge is an intrusion into their life that says 'I have the right to judge you and demand answers because I am more important than you and my need to know these things is greater than your need to just get on with your day.'

Imagine going about your daily life and getting asked constantly what underwear you're wearing. Why are you wearing that underwear? Who told you that you could? Did you buy it yourself or was it a gift? Was it expensive? How dare you be wearing expensive underwear when I can't afford it, that's not fair! You could have bought five cheaper pairs for that price. Other people need that underwear more than you do. Have you considered wearing this style of underwear instead?

It sounds ridiculous, because it is a deliberately ridiculous example, but if you have that happen to you on a regular basis, it is eventually going to wear you down. You're going to expect to be quizzed about your underwear but you hope to god that just this once, you won't be, because it's no-one else's business what kind of underwear you're wearing and if you needed someone to know about it, you'd tell them yourself.

Excellent post Old.

My God The Fairy Caravan, that is terrible yet I am not shocked.
Why so many people seem to think you become disabled as soon as you turn 60 is beyond me and nobody can possibly be disabled unless your an OAP or in a wheelchair is ridiculous.
I know someone who has a severely disabled dd and is her registered carer, she went to her local GP surgery where they were holding a talk for carers by the local carers group. She was the only one there under the age of 60 and the person from the carers group even asked her why she was there.
Even they had the same attitude that how could she possibly be a carer for her dd as she was only a child.

doesnt surprise me allwornout even my dad questioned [to me ] 'how some people have blue badges and dont look disabled' i reminded him that not every disabillity is visible as he should be more than aware of as his grandson[ my son] has severe asd and learning disabillities