To think MIL shouldn't be here and my DH is being crap?

[Summersalmostgone]

My Dad died unexpectedly last weekend. As planned we went away to visit friends for a few days. It was a distraction of sorts but I did feel that I needed to hold back my tears.
Now we are home and DH's mother is here for the long weekend. It's been planned a while but it means that I still don't feel I have space to grieve.
We had a screaming row the day his mother arrived. He has been a bit of a crap husband lately and I told him that I needed him to step up now that this has happened. I'm pregnant and can't cope with him being rubbish on top of it all. I was looking for his reassurance but instead he took offence and got annoyed. He then started getting angry about marks on our new carpet etc.

The death really hit me yesterday and I kept bursting into tears randomly. I felt I had to hide away or disguise my tears. He then decided to have a teenagers strop when we were shopping because I asked him to get off his phone and help choose curtains.

I'm struggling with MIL being here as its her first visit to our new house and she is spending time with her grandchild etc. It's a big reminder that I will never get to show the house to my Dad and that my children won't remember him.

Today we went out again and I developed a bad headache. We were going for lunch and DH decided to remind me I was meant to be driving home. I know what he meant was that he wanted to be able to drink. So it ended in another row and I've stormed home and left them to it. Probably an overreaction on my part but my Dads just died, I'm pregnant and being expected to drive so he and his mother can drink just sent me over the edge.

AIBU or should he have cancelled his mothers visit until another time?

Found a hotel and I'm right above a noisy wedding reception.

Been told I'm a nasty piece of work and am not sane enough to keep my son.

He is being a twat. YANBU

I am so sorry for your loss OP

Definitely go stay somewhere if you can and grieve. I am so sorry that your husband is not supporting you when you need him the most.

Noisy wedding is mega annoying but you're safe and warm and not at home.

You know that's not true. What sort of husband would text that to his pregnant, grieving wife?

Oh Summer.

What an arse. I take it he has form for being an arsehole?

I am glad you are alone. I would ignore his messages and phone calls for now if you can.

Sorry just catching up on posts.

I'm 7 months pregnant. Friends are abroad. Nobody I can turn to really and can't make the drive to my mums.

Husband more concerned with how awful I am to him than to where I've gone or if I'm ok. Says he can't handle me anymore that I'm childish.
For months he has taken off drinking when he feels like it. I've spent too much time alone and crying. I'm being dramatic according to him.

Feel so lost and alone. My Dad said in our last chat that he was always there for me and now he's gone.

Hoe pregnant are you, op?

Would it help to block his number for a few hours? I know it sounds childish but these messages are horrible and not helping you one bit. It's super easy to do on iPhone and might get you some headspace.

I'm 7 months

Your husband sounds like a total twat. Most men would be doing their best to reduce stress for their pregnant wife in your situation. The fact that he is adding to your stress is incredible.

Fucking hell, you've just lost your dad!

I would be so tempted to show his mother his messages. She should be ashamed.

no other useful advise but please ignore him tonight. I'd switch my phone off and not respond to him till tomorrow night (if I felt like it).

Oh Summer (((hug)))

Your H is being an insensitive arse. Your MIL is too. I hope it's that your H doesn't know what to do and so in a panic he's doing literally everything wrong, but he really does sound like a dick.

Can you just go out for a walk until the wedding reception calms down?

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely dad, he sounds like a great man.

I think you should get your son if you can. Would he be asleep now? Can you travel to your Mum's in the morning?

Your husband is bullying you I think and you need to be out of that situation.

Would you like to tell us a bit about your dad?

I want my son but if I go back he will make it a scene. There's been enough of that already.

My son is two and he has seen me cry too much already.

That's fine OP, your son is with his other equally competent parent and his grandmother. You need a break, honestly, a night away, on your own, to gather your thoughts and process the horrible week you've had. Your son will be fine, you can take some time out. He'll be fine.

Look after yourself.

Right, switch your phone off and go back in the morning and pack his bags.

I'd add to that, get someone, anyone, to go back with you in the morning to do that. Call one of the friends you stayed with before and say you wouldn't ask if it wasn't serious but you need them to help you out.

He won't go anywhere even if I packed his bags. I've asked him to leave a hundred times. He won't.

He think I should just carry on and not cause upset to our children's lives. He doesn't think his behaviour is a problem.

He lets me down all the time but it's not a problem. It's fine for him to go out after work whenever he feels like it and not give a thought to me at home.

Friends are abroad. I have nobody here hence why I'm paying out for a hotel. If MIL wasn't there I would have gone back home but I'm not giving him the satisfaction of being able to say " see I told you how crazy and difficult she was".

Confided in his mother about his drinking once before. I had been unwell as had my toddler and he had stayed in the pub rather than come home and help me. She was sympathetic to me but then told him to remember I was pregnant and hormonal. I ended up in hospital the next day and he said he hadn't realised I was really ill and thought I might be putting it on!

He's a self-centred, selfish twat, who it sounds like truly believes the world revolves around him and whatever he wants to do, you are there purely to facilitate that. You deserve better than that.

He is an arse! Sorry but I can't be more helpful. Have you any good friends you can stay with or arbitrate on your behalf?

YANBU at all but your husband and MIL are.

What a pair of twats they are!! I lost my Mum OP last year,honestly I don't know how your managing with everything.I'm so so sorry about your poor Dad

You need someone to be there for you right now,that's a completely normal thing to expect from your husband when you've lost a parent.

Friends or Family,anyone you can call on,tell them whats happened and what's been going on.If you want your LO with you right now then I'd ask a friend/family member to go and pick him up for you.

Time to start putting yourself and your Lo's first by the sounds of it to me OP.

If you need someone to talk to and can't sleep tonight I'll be around.

Thanks everyone.

There is nobody here unfortunately.
I feel like I'm completely reeling.

Can you go and stay at your mum's, even for a short while?