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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In finding it hard to believe people let their young kids take up seats on trains when adults are standing

349 replies

gatorgolf · 28/08/2015 22:54

Never get the train anymore, first time today in about 10 yrs got train to take DS to London. Train home was really really busy people standing in all the aisles as well as the doorways. We sat DS who is 5 on our knee as I thought that was the done thing when train busy. Family near us had two kids, one about the same age as DS, one slightly older maybe 6 or 7, kids had a seat each for the entire journey. I know its not comfortable to have kids on your knee for long time but its more comfortable than having to stand, there was 4 adults in there party so they could have taken the knee sitting in turns or even made the kids squeeze onto one seat to free one up.

OP posts:
tywinlannister · 29/08/2015 00:06

Maybe you saw us on the tube today! We sat our kids down when seats for them became available and stood ourselves. Why?

  • Because they fall over easily
  • Because they frequently get whacked with bags, trodden on, or pushed as they are too small to be seen easily in a crowd
  • Because they have small legs which get tired
  • Because I don't want my four year old to have to stand with his head next to strangers crotches and arses.
IguanaTail · 29/08/2015 00:11

I think adults should take priority.

littlejohnnydory · 29/08/2015 00:13

Well, with three children under 8 and a baby it would be hard to sit them all on my knee! I'd find it hard to believe that any able bodied adult would take a seat while a small child stood up.

gamerchick · 29/08/2015 00:54

Well if an adult wants priority then they should pay for and reserve a seat.

It's not hard.

LittleMissStresshead · 29/08/2015 01:15

I stand and my child sits. I paid for a seat and unless someone else genuinely needs it (disability, pregnancy, elderly, etc) i'm using it.

BTW, only only mn have I seen this, I have regularly put my child on my lap to spare a seat only to be told "he needs it more than me", I assume referring to little legs, etc.
Iguana - without being provocative, can I ask why adults should take priority? Genuine qu.

Beachday · 29/08/2015 01:18

Adults can stand a lot easier than children on tubes and trains.

Flingmoo · 29/08/2015 01:22

I think this thread merits a Biscuit

Kaekae · 29/08/2015 01:29

When I travel on the train with my kids I have to pay for them therefore, why can't they have a seat? I want them to have a seat, they get hit by corners of bags etc. I do however, put the smaller one on my knee if the carriage is full and say an elderly person or pregnant lady gets on. I have been offered seats for my children when it has been busy and we're all standing because they do tend to get squashed and thrown all over the place so someone usually kindly offers them a seat!

Fatmomma99 · 29/08/2015 01:32

I was brought up with "children should sit on knees, or if they can stand, they are old enough to stand and they should offer their seat". I don't feel quite the same way now I have a child, but mine (when in London) will either twirl round the stand up things, or else swing from the hand held bits, def endangering other passengers.

She also got up (umprompted) from a bus to offer an OAP her seat. A ripple of approval ran round the bus. (I have never been more proud!).

I actually think that seats need to go to those who most need them if there aren't enough. Children are, generally, the most resilient and find it "fun" to stand up and roll with the corners, etc. I would not be comfortable with taking a seat (myself or my DD) if someone with obv SN or pregnant or elderly was standing.

I was born in London, but don't live there now, but have lots of family still there. A cousin (from London) came to stay with us, and we caught the bus into town. As we got off, both DH and I threw a "thank you" over our shoulders to the driver. My cousin laughed til he shit a brick.... He said in London you NEVER say thank you. I am not ashamed at my manners!

quangotango · 29/08/2015 01:47

in my book seats go to pregnant/elderly/disabled/on crutches - children - everyone else. Why would you prioritise fit and able adults over any if the above?

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 29/08/2015 03:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charis1 · 29/08/2015 03:46

I have arthritis and find it hard to stand for long journeys. However, on a short journey on a crowded bus or train I would always stand to give my seat to a young child. anyone below the age of 7, or who looks below that age, because they are far more likely to fall over or get squashed or trodden on than I am.

MythicalKings · 29/08/2015 07:02

I have never seen an adult give up a seat for a child, I think this only happens on Mumsnet.

When my DCs were small we used to use public transport a lot and if the bus or train was crowded the three of us squashed onto two seats so an adult could sit down. It's good manners, surely? They were travelling free or at a reduced rate.

People with season tickets cannot reserve seats so the "if you want a seat, reserve one" argument doesn't really hold water.

I agree that reserving a seat is best if it's possible but if the train is crowded then sharing seats would seem more polite, unless the DCs have paid full fare.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 29/08/2015 07:10

Well I book and pay for my 4 year old to travel on train even though he's free to travel not because with my friends and family card it means cheaper to do so so no I don't nor would I put him on my lap unless elderly needed seat.

Many of time when I travelled with DD she sat on my lap or stood in aisle on long journeys it's just chance you take traveling peak times and especially in holidays

katienana · 29/08/2015 07:11

First thread I've seen on mums net where everyone is saying pregnant ladies get a seat!

Mehitabel6 · 29/08/2015 07:17

If people insist on seating their child that child should have a full fare.
Under 5s go free because they don't need a seat at busy times.

Cloppysow · 29/08/2015 07:19

I can't get my head around these threads. I see them again and again. I don't see why fit adults are more important than kids. I would take a small child on my lap if it was a short distance. Likewise i would stand for a small child and have happily moved so a family could sit together, despite the fact that i reserved my seat. But these things would only happen if people didn't demand or automatically expect their needs to come before anyone elses. The more entitled an attitude, the less chance there is of me compromising.

BrianButterfield · 29/08/2015 07:22

I took two under-5s on the tube and adults gave up their seats for them all over the place! We were well prepared to stand or have them on our knees but people leapt up time after time.

MyNightWithMaud · 29/08/2015 07:29

I have nothing to say about the old MN chestnut about who gets priority for seats, but feel obliged to say that in my bit of London we all thank the driver as we get off the bus. The previous poster's cousin must live somewhere very uncouth. ::wink::

MythicalKings · 29/08/2015 07:30

We're just back from a week in London and travelled on the tube all the time. I never saw anyone give up a seat for a child. A couple of DCs gave up their seats for me, which was kind. We tried to travel off-peak but it wasn't always possible.

blacktreaclecat · 29/08/2015 07:31

If it's a short journey eg commuter train, underground etc I would always sit DS on my lap if it was busy. I had this situation recently and was pretty insistent that he/ we got a seat to share though. He's 3 and would fall over otherwise. It wouldn't be safe to try to travel with him standing.
If we're going on a longer journey and have pre booked seats eg Leeds to Kings Cross, we would sit in them. He's too heavy to sit on my knee for 2.5 hours!

WhatamessIgotinto · 29/08/2015 07:33

DS is 11 and almost as tall as I am. Aint no way that lad is sitting on my knee for an hour he'd squash me to death.

HippyDippyRidingPretty · 29/08/2015 07:35

I live in London and I would say 99% of the time at least one adult has given their seat so my children can sit. It's dangerous for them to stand on the tube but if we have no choice I have the youngest on my hip and stand over the oldest hole he holds the pole to stop him getting whacked or knocked about.

If really busy (and the children aren't trying to kill each other) I can get the oldest to have the youngest on his lap for short journeys.

greenwichjelly · 29/08/2015 07:35

If the child is young enough that you haven't had to pay for a seat for them, then they go on your knee. People who have paid should not be standing while children who go free are taking up a seat their parents haven't paid for. What is so difficult about that, exactly?

Squeegle · 29/08/2015 07:36

I'm with you OP when you are talking London type commuter trains and reasonably short times. It's just courtesy to arrange ourselves so as many people can sit down as possible. Is not about whether children are less important etc, but if my child can squeeze into my lap and someone else can sit down then of course it's better for everyone!