To not take Dd anywhere 'posh' any more because of how she looks?

[JeffsanArsehole]

We have always gone on theatre/play trips and she's very keen but we usually combine it with a fancy afternoon tea/dinner somewhere really fancy.

I don't want to go with her any more because of how she looks. All in black, cheap corsets, giant goth platforms, plus 50 piercings including giant ear stretcher thingies etc.

Ive refused to criticise or say I don't like her 'style' as I'm a liberal and think she can choose her own self expression.

But at the same time I don't want to go to fancy places while she has such an 'out there' anti establishment style.

(Yes, I'm dreading the huge tattoos she's going for soon)

The men we were with were unanimous: only really ugly women did that to themselves - presumably it was the only way to get anyone to look at them...

I find it rather odd that you feel the need to consult men as the last word on what women 'do to themselves' and why, Bobo. Especially such fine specimens as those you seem to hang around with.

yabu
you should be proud of her, my ds has piercings and tatts, doesn't stop me going anywhere with him

No I wouldn't like it either, her percings will make a mess of her face if she has that many when she is older and takes them out.

How old is she? What kind of work does she want to go in to as some company's have a strict code about tats and piercings.

I'd hate it if one of girls started doing that shit

I'm perfectly proud of her. Proud of her personality, intelligence etc

I'm not proud of her piercings as that would be odd to me.

YANBU.

I won't take my DC to certain places if they aren't dressed appropriately. DS with his long (as long hair on men goes it's actually very nice) and lip piercing (yuk!) is boarder line being allowed to come certain places with me. Not that I spend much time in Clariges.

I would tell her I think her stretchers look awful. But although 99% of pierced, tattooed and stretched people look awful, sometimes very good looking people can get away with it.

I would react more positively to a pregnancy than stretched earlobes, EatShitDerek. I love a baby, me!

I take my dad's to many different places.
People want to stare, that's their problem and they are the ones with issues.. Comments we laugh. Seriously.

She has been different since the age of 13, when she was into anime and death note.
Then she went more punk.
Now I'm not sure what she is lol.

She has several facial piercings - eye brow, spider kiss, and another on her chin, dimple, nose - side and under, lip.. Then ears one stretcher and the other 3 piercing at the bottom, one at the top and the middle bit.. Plus cleavage and belly.

For her birthday she is getting a tattoo.

Hair long with half shaved - colour purple, blue and pink streaks - sounds a mess but looks really good.

Clothes depends if she is going out or work. The nursery she works in has a dress code. But yes lots of black, corsets, creepers, biker boots.

we go all over London, and yes she has even been in Harrods. She dressed as herself but within their dress code. She really pushed their dress code those. We have also been ritz and claridges etc.

Argh auto correct
I take my dd's... Wouldn't take my nobber of a dad anywhere

how about the Cat Cafe?

ladydinahs.com/

Ive been there, I dont recommend it. Scones were dry and mealy.

"The men we were with were unanimous: only really ugly women did that to themselves - presumably it was the only way to get anyone to look at them"
Don't even know where to start with this one. I'll throw out that maybe just maybe they didn't give a flying fuck what those men (who I assume were all male models) thought. Just maybe they were dressing for themselves. Or other women.

My dad did this when I was a rebellious teen and it totally eroded my self confidence (which was pretty shaky anyway). It made me feel that the most important thing to him about me was my appearance, and that he disapproved of it.

Bobo, how lovely that you felt the opinion of the men you were with mattered so much. I'm sure the women you were busy judging would have been gutted not to meet their standards

OP, if you explain to your daughter that wherever you're going has a dress code then surely she'd tone it down a bit? Surely she has something to wear that she wouldn't have her tits out?

As far as the stretched ears go though I'm sure they'd be ok, it'd look a mess even if she stuck plasters over them or whatever.

YABU. People staring at you should not be more important to you than spending time with your daughter. Don't be ashamed of her.

Here's a scenario for you OP.

Imagine your daughter, quite readonably takes offence at you being ashamed of been seen with her and goes non contact with you.

How many years would it be before you'd rip your arm off just to have one afternoon tea and theatre trip with her? I'd wager after 3/4 years you'd probably dress up as a goth yourself if it would bridge the divide.

Relationships are easily broken. Sneering looks from the Daily Mail classes are easily ignored

I don't think it's reasonable to go non contact with someone because they didn't like the way I kept my ears

CJ would never say that

She's not going non contact over fuck all. Even if the peace and quiet would be nice

If it helps, I've had tea at the Ritz while wearing black, with a nose stud, and tattoos showing. I also went with at least one person wearing facial piercings.

The staff didn't bat an eyelid, and brought us lovely tea and cake. Same for F&Ms and the Savoy.

Goths like high tea in nice places too, you know.

I'm actually watching the West Wing at the moment. Cj is just choosing a turkey for the pres to pardon it's very funny

I think you are being entirely disingenuous.

You don't actually like many of the aspects of your DD look but you won't tell her.

You'd like to take her out but you wouldn't like to go anywhere where you feel she is appropriately dressed for.

That's not being broadminded. That is being judgemental without being honest enough to say "you know what i really don't like that".

Ps I love the goth look. Could never pull it off myself. I am jeans and fleece woman.

Op, I imagine your name is reference to our dear Jeffrey, but when I first read it I thought it was something to do with Jeffersonairplane. I thought surely no jeffersonairplane fan would be worried about this.

I'm dreading this.
It's the tattoos and piercings that are truly hideous. And those ear stretchers - OMG disgusting!
If DD did that to herself I would be devastated.
OP I kind of don't think YABU I see your point. Maybe just tell her to tone it down a bit? That's all you can do really.

Of course I wouldn't tell her Toffee, why would I hurt her feelings or self esteem by saying that the giant ear holes make me feel nauseous when I can just not look at them.

I think privately disliking them doesn't stop me from publicly being broad minded.

I don't particularly like her piercings but I don't think it's disingenuous, we all have personal preferences that we would choose not to have for ourselves without infringing on someone else's rights.

I privately judge people who commit adultery, wouldn't want them prosecuted for it though.

I privately judge those nazi groups who protest against Jewish people, still believe in free speech.

I was a goth in the mid eighties; quite glam and not too scary, (think pale, slender vampire princess). Nowadays I'm jeans and fleece Mum.

My DD's are vaguely gothy, indie, art students (pierced eyebrows, interesting clothes) but far tamer than I was.

I make a point of being just a little bit shocked by what they wear, when in reality I'm not at all bothered and think they look pretty good. Teenagers love to be the rebel. How frustrating to be an out there teen, with parents who are apparently unfazed by how you look.