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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be totally pissed off with MIL

342 replies

HammerToFall · 18/08/2015 08:37

We are currently on holiday in the Yorkshire dales, we come here a lot and thought it would be nice to ask MIL if she wanted to come this time. Bit of background, MIL has always been a single parent and has struggled financially over the years. She does t work but looks after her elderly mother and spends most of her days back and forth sorting her mum out. We thought it would be a nice break for her to not have to do anything and just relax and not worry about feeing the gas and electric meter etc.

She said she would love to come but wouldn't be able to the long walks do - absolutely fine. DH said to her do whatever you mam come out for the day, sit and relax in the cottage, come for a drink or not. It's entirely up to you, just have a break.

Well since we got here she has done nothing but moan. The water doesn't taste right, the air is too thin, the towels smell funny etc etc. she is struggling to even walk into the local village which is five minutes so we said we drive there, but she doesn't want to go, she basically wants to sit in the cottage all day on her tablet. This is fine, no problem, we thought she might. However she wants us sitting in it all day with her as well!

The kids do not want to sit in a cottage all day, they want to be out exploring. She are now getting passive aggressive comments with sly digs about being left in her own all the time, and she keeps mumbling to the kids that she's going home.

She is sending messages to other family members saying how mean we are leaving her in her own, but she literally does not want to do anything she won't even go out for dinner or lunch in case she doesn't like the food!

I know she wants to go home, but if DH takes her then it's an eight hour round trip and we are losing a days holiday. I don't know wether to confront her the next time she makes a comment and try and chivvy her out of it or just go with it and ignore the comments, or take her home, lose a day and enjoy the last few days of our holiday Angry

OP posts:
00100001 · 18/08/2015 08:38

YANBU.

Ignore her and do your thing, keep inviting her, but if she doesn't want to go, the that's her choice!

Georgethesecond · 18/08/2015 08:38

Can you explain this to her like you have to us, or will she go bananas?

Justmuddlingalong · 18/08/2015 08:41

Take her home, then you can get on with enjoying yourselves. Explain that in future she might prefer to make her own holiday plans. Try and enjoy the rest of your break.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 18/08/2015 08:42

Get the dcs to chivvy her as far as the garden to,watch them play something.
Then a bit further tomorrow.
Come on, granny... Lets have fun!

Or treat her as one of the dcs. Ignore the whinges!

Enjoy the rest of your holiday, whatever she does...

HammerToFall · 18/08/2015 08:43

George - she would sulk and cry. The thing is DH is getting more and pissed off with it so he just totally ignores her and I feel kind of in the middle. Plus the kids are concerned about her as she keeps making comments to them. She has said to our face you go don't let me spoil it for you, but then She's making comments to the kids and messaging her other sons saying how mean we are being! I think this needs to be chalked up to experience never again to be repeated.

OP posts:
AnotherTimeMaybe · 18/08/2015 08:45

YANBU

Don't ruin your holiday because of her! Ignore her

MidniteScribbler · 18/08/2015 08:45

Throw a train schedule in her lap and suggest she goes home if it's that awful for her.

And if there is any ever suggestion of her ever going on holidays with you again, then just refer her to this trip and laugh.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 18/08/2015 08:48

Bloody hell. I think, rather he take her home and lose a days holiday than have the rest of the holiday listening to her complaining.

Is there someone, like on of these other brothers, who can come out and meet DH somewhere so he doesn't have to do the whole journer ?

GloGirl · 18/08/2015 08:49

If she can't / won't walk 5 mins to the shops I wouldn't expect her to get the train home.

How many days left? If more than 3 your DH should take her home for the sake of your sanity.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 18/08/2015 08:49

You know what? My phones auto correct is really fucking me off

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/08/2015 08:51

Tell her to stop saying things to the children, that's really not on and very unfair to them.

I'm not sure really, taking her home would give you some days of enjoyment without her sad face but it's a day out of dh's holiday and why should he miss out because she's out of her comfort zone.

You could just ignore but I imagine it's a bit tense.

TerrorAustralis · 18/08/2015 08:51

YANBU. I'd ask if she wants you to drive her to the nearest train station.

Topseyt · 18/08/2015 08:53

Pull her up on it the very next time she moans. Tell her what effect she is having on everyone else's holiday.

If she can't walk far then does she need help. I mean, wheelchairs and other walking aids can be hired for a usually fairly reasonable deposit, or would she baulk at that?

ollieplimsoles · 18/08/2015 08:55

Take her home, never ask her again, enjoy holiday.

Her sly digs and comments are ruining the atmosphere for everyone, and causing tension on your holiday.

maybebabybee · 18/08/2015 08:57

Good god YANBU, is this woman a grown adult or a small child?!

EponasWildDaughter · 18/08/2015 08:58

She's making comments to the kids and messaging her other sons saying how mean we are being!

I hate the word deal-breaker and never use it.

But the above would be the deal-breaker for me!

It's worth loosing a days holiday to save the rest of it under these circs. OP. Could your DH do the days drive while you do something nice with the kids on your own for a day? It's his mum after all.

Take her home.

CookieDoughKid · 18/08/2015 09:02

I think she's too set in her ways to be anything but self centred. I would ignore her but tell her first, please keep any negative comments to herself.

TheForger · 18/08/2015 09:04

You could ask her where she would like to go, put the ball back in her court. If she says she wants to stay in explain that the children need to get out or they go stir crazy and it isn't fair on them to make them stay in as it is their holiday. Likewise it isn't fair to make them feel guilty. If she has a moan ask her directly if she would like to go home as she obviously isn't enjoying it. Put the onus on her to find a solution. Be prepared to take her home though.

How do you know she is messaging her other sons? Do they know what she is like?

If you are near Brimham Rocks they are fab for kids to climb all over and run about. It's fantastic. Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

scarlets · 18/08/2015 09:05

I'd be dumping the puerile, ungrateful woman at the nearest railway station. How dare she try to spoil your children's holidays!

You did a kind thing but people just won't be helped. They're perpetual victims.

Seriously - when you're alone, tell her that she must get a train home (it's too far for DH to drive in one day) or pull herself together because she's spoiling things for everyone.

Coconutty · 18/08/2015 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shiteforbrains · 18/08/2015 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TRexingInAsda · 18/08/2015 09:14

How many more days have you got to go? I'd be tempted to lose a day and dh take her home while you do something with the kids. At least it puts an end to her moaning, and I'm not sure I could avoid a very frank conversation (just pointing out what you did in the OP) if this carried on. Lesson learnt though!

Out of interest, how much company would she usually have at home? Just wondering whether this is much more isolated than she'd usually be (does she live with people, have neighbours that pop in normally etc)?

IamaBluebird · 18/08/2015 09:28

I would have a look at the train option too. Maybe someone could collect her the other end. You tried to do something really thoughtful and she's ruining your family holiday. Such a pity. Hope you have a few nice days Op.

Bluejellycake · 18/08/2015 09:28

YANBU she sounds like she's determined not to enjoy herself, I can't stand people like that. What does she mean by "the air is too thin"? How ridiculous. It is not fair of her to expect you to sit in the cottage all day, how boring! Especially for children, they want to be doing fun things, it's a holiday after all! She needs to understand that she's ruining things for everyone with her behaviour. My advice is, ignore her. Go out if you want to, leave her on her own, the miserable old trout.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 18/08/2015 09:29

It's sad really, she's miserable and want to make you miserable too
OP hope your learnt something out of it- help her in other ways from now on, but not this!

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