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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be totally pissed off with MIL

342 replies

HammerToFall · 18/08/2015 08:37

We are currently on holiday in the Yorkshire dales, we come here a lot and thought it would be nice to ask MIL if she wanted to come this time. Bit of background, MIL has always been a single parent and has struggled financially over the years. She does t work but looks after her elderly mother and spends most of her days back and forth sorting her mum out. We thought it would be a nice break for her to not have to do anything and just relax and not worry about feeing the gas and electric meter etc.

She said she would love to come but wouldn't be able to the long walks do - absolutely fine. DH said to her do whatever you mam come out for the day, sit and relax in the cottage, come for a drink or not. It's entirely up to you, just have a break.

Well since we got here she has done nothing but moan. The water doesn't taste right, the air is too thin, the towels smell funny etc etc. she is struggling to even walk into the local village which is five minutes so we said we drive there, but she doesn't want to go, she basically wants to sit in the cottage all day on her tablet. This is fine, no problem, we thought she might. However she wants us sitting in it all day with her as well!

The kids do not want to sit in a cottage all day, they want to be out exploring. She are now getting passive aggressive comments with sly digs about being left in her own all the time, and she keeps mumbling to the kids that she's going home.

She is sending messages to other family members saying how mean we are leaving her in her own, but she literally does not want to do anything she won't even go out for dinner or lunch in case she doesn't like the food!

I know she wants to go home, but if DH takes her then it's an eight hour round trip and we are losing a days holiday. I don't know wether to confront her the next time she makes a comment and try and chivvy her out of it or just go with it and ignore the comments, or take her home, lose a day and enjoy the last few days of our holiday Angry

OP posts:
HammerToFall · 18/08/2015 23:14

Thank you Chippendale. I am merely just venting as I can't do in real life as it would cause bother. I have no desire to cause a massive argument. She is as we speak looking up ex hubby on facebook and slagging him off In front of DH whilst dipping into candy crush

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 18/08/2015 23:18

How do the words 'are you having a fucking larf' not escape from your lips?

Muddlewitch · 18/08/2015 23:18

Her ex or yours?

My DM is like this, nothing is ever good enough. It's very draining, I hope you have a considerable supply of wine and gin.

drudgetrudy · 18/08/2015 23:21

It looks like you have decided to grin and bear it then.
At least you'll know never to go on holiday with her again.

Floisme · 18/08/2015 23:24

Op I do understand the need to vent sometimes but surely you can see the irony of moaning about someone because they're always moaning Grin

And why not cause some bother? It sounds like she deserves it and she's 60 not 100. She's not made of glass. Go on do it. Or let me have a word......

pictish · 18/08/2015 23:26

Please do share the highlights though, cope by telling us. Have shared the Dales on TV story with dh. Was too good not to. Grin

HammerToFall · 19/08/2015 00:53

Her ex and DH father who he hasn't seen for 20 years but she is on the bandeberg beers Wink

OP posts:
seaoflove · 19/08/2015 08:41

Moaning on MN is hardly the same as wrecking everyone's holiday Hmm

HammerToFall · 19/08/2015 09:02

Well the hangover isn't too bad this morning thank god. Today we planning a tour round the Wensleydale creamery which is two minutes from our cottage so I'll let you know how it goes Grin

OP posts:
Crumbelina · 19/08/2015 09:11

Well done for putting up with her! We spent one Christmas week in the Yorkshire Dales with the in-laws and BIL/SIL and it taught me never to go anyway with family for more than a weekend! Lots of moaning about various things (cold, walking, pubs we loved and recommended) and BIL/SIL didn't want to spend any money (they'd share a small sandwich if we went out to lunch) and we had to stay in and eat pasta as they didn't want to spend money on pub meals - grr!

Anyway, enjoy the creamery - it's so lovely! If you're anything like me you'll eat your own body weight in the free cheese samples and still spend 20 quid on cheese in the shop! Smile I can recommend the Wensleydale with balsamic onions - yum, yum, yum!

NicoleWatterson · 19/08/2015 09:20

I had a similar holiday, exactly where you are!!! the creamery is great, as is the black sheep brewery tour
realise this isn't a helpful post, but got excited at the prospect of cheeeeeeeese

Aeroflotgirl · 19/08/2015 09:26

tobymother according to my mum who is 80, Cilla Blackmwas Young at 73 when she died! I woukd try to make the best of it, go out do your own thing away from the cottage and leave her there, and never repeat again!!!'n

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 19/08/2015 10:00

By the sound of it MIL's mum might have been the easier guest! Enjoy the creamery.

momb · 19/08/2015 10:41

Don't do it OP.

A creamery tour: are you mad? It will smell of cow, be too greasy, too high up and too crowded.

Whatever are you thinking? It's like MIL torture!

HammerToFall · 19/08/2015 10:46

Hahaha momb. This morning she has asked BIL to send her pictures of her house to make sure the washing up has been done and the grass and been cut. She has been wistfully staring at them saying things like ooh doesn't the grass look thick and ey he's moved my coffee table. Even the kids are in ignoring mode now. They have just gone for a walk with DH while I get ready, I've never seen them move so quickly.

OP posts:
pictish · 19/08/2015 10:49

BIL/SIL didn't want to spend any money (they'd share a small sandwich if we went out to lunch) and we had to stay in and eat pasta as they didn't want to spend money on pub meals - grr!

Don't know what their set up is, but that might be dh and me you're writing about there. Eating out is really expensive...our budget dictates it's eating out or activities. A simple pub meal (and they are not cheap by any means) can set us back a day's holiday budget easily.

Maybe your bil and sil are simply skinflints with money to spare, I don't know, but just thought I'd offer another viewpoint.
I'd love to stroll into a pub every night, order a meal and blow ££s without blinking, but we'd have to go home after three days. Wink

Chippednailvarnish · 19/08/2015 11:20

Pay someone to go to her house and subtley move everything...

momb · 19/08/2015 11:38

Oh Lordy, I can see the headlines now:
'Relieved family look on as desperate DIL drowns MIL in vat of curds and whey at artisan creamery: crowd applauds'

Clutterbugsmum · 19/08/2015 12:32

I read Wensleydale creamery as Wensleydale cemetery Grin.

Crumbelina · 19/08/2015 12:36

Oh, they're definitely skinflints with money to spare - it's a bit of a running joke, but a pain when you're on hols with them. I certainly couldn't afford to eat out at pubs every night (some of the prices shocked me and I live in London). They wanted to sit in every single night and eat cheaply wheread we'd saved money and wanted to eat out a few times given that we'd worked our bums off all year. Smile

Black Sleep tour is fab, as is the Theakstons one (I love ale!). Smile

pictish · 19/08/2015 12:46

Fair dos. I had a gulpy moment when I read your post and thought "oooh heck...that's us with the determined self catering".

We'll normally stretch to a meal out and a takeaway in a week as well. It's not so bad as pasta every night.

EponasWildDaughter · 19/08/2015 12:46

You are a saint for putting up with her OP.

But why isn't DH stepping in? I wouldn't put up with my mother ''not speaking'' to my husband if we were in the same room and on holiday together. He needs to tell her to grow up or push off.

EponasWildDaughter · 19/08/2015 12:48

Imagine if this was a 20 something behaving like this. Why does she get to behave like a git just because she's someone's mother and 60?? She's not even old!

sadwidow28 · 19/08/2015 13:11

Clutterbugsmum Grin

OP. I have been praying that the air will thicken in the Dales, that your MIL's ipad crashes and crushes the candy game and that your gin/wine supply holds out until the end of the week. Wink

drudgetrudy · 19/08/2015 13:14

I don't know how she's getting away with it either.
Checking the grass has been cut???
I wouldn't want to be like her but wouldn't get away with it for five minutes.