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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be totally pissed off with MIL

342 replies

HammerToFall · 18/08/2015 08:37

We are currently on holiday in the Yorkshire dales, we come here a lot and thought it would be nice to ask MIL if she wanted to come this time. Bit of background, MIL has always been a single parent and has struggled financially over the years. She does t work but looks after her elderly mother and spends most of her days back and forth sorting her mum out. We thought it would be a nice break for her to not have to do anything and just relax and not worry about feeing the gas and electric meter etc.

She said she would love to come but wouldn't be able to the long walks do - absolutely fine. DH said to her do whatever you mam come out for the day, sit and relax in the cottage, come for a drink or not. It's entirely up to you, just have a break.

Well since we got here she has done nothing but moan. The water doesn't taste right, the air is too thin, the towels smell funny etc etc. she is struggling to even walk into the local village which is five minutes so we said we drive there, but she doesn't want to go, she basically wants to sit in the cottage all day on her tablet. This is fine, no problem, we thought she might. However she wants us sitting in it all day with her as well!

The kids do not want to sit in a cottage all day, they want to be out exploring. She are now getting passive aggressive comments with sly digs about being left in her own all the time, and she keeps mumbling to the kids that she's going home.

She is sending messages to other family members saying how mean we are leaving her in her own, but she literally does not want to do anything she won't even go out for dinner or lunch in case she doesn't like the food!

I know she wants to go home, but if DH takes her then it's an eight hour round trip and we are losing a days holiday. I don't know wether to confront her the next time she makes a comment and try and chivvy her out of it or just go with it and ignore the comments, or take her home, lose a day and enjoy the last few days of our holiday Angry

OP posts:
HammerToFall · 20/08/2015 21:07

She likes something! We got an Indian she said it was gorgeous. I am currently laid on the floor with a blue cheese compress on my head trying to recover from the shock! Although she did complain she got a full rice when me and DH shared one ( even though she wanted a different one to us)

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momb · 20/08/2015 21:18

Brilliant! She is so getting ready to go home and tell everyone that she had a great time with you so she can guilt your siblings to take her on holiday next year! Hilarious!!
Enjoy the peace Hammer, after all that rice she'll be in bed before 10!

Wolfcub · 20/08/2015 21:19

You have the patience of a saint ok, I'd have buried her on Ilkey Moor by now

sadwidow28 · 20/08/2015 21:57

Specially for the hammer family - GOING HOME

Full of:

  • thick air and clouds
  • green Yorkshire Dales and all the hills wot look the same
Janethegirl · 20/08/2015 22:17

Every time I book a holiday with my DM, I book another holiday for myself within the next month ( because I deserve it!!). So far it's working ok Wink

CrapBag · 20/08/2015 22:22

Love this. It's so entertaining. Sorry for your shit holiday though OP. Please accidently pack some cheese in her suitcase. Preferably quite hidden so she doesn't find it straight away.

redshoeblueshoe · 20/08/2015 22:23

What she actually liked something Shock
OK give her a few more beers
then get her photo on FB well stuff FB let us see her
just in case you run out Wine Wine Wine

paulapompom · 21/08/2015 01:20

Hmm could be a holiday idea for the future - India! Probably be nice and warm too.

TheFullMinty · 21/08/2015 05:16

OP, did you take my MIL on holiday by mistake?! Well done on getting through the week with such humour :)

Notgrumpyjustquiet · 21/08/2015 07:26

She complained that you got her too much rice? How did you not fucking choke her with it?

HammerToFall · 21/08/2015 07:45

Oh she's beaming, positively beaming! Up with the lark this morning and saying how much she's going to miss the space in the cottage!! She even waited an hour and had a cuppa and a chat before we were subjected to the delightful chime of candy crush saga theme tune! Only another hour and 17 minutes to go then the car journey of course which gives her further ample
Opportunity to suck her breath in, show us her affected breathing and randomly mutter Jesus and oh my god if DH gets above 30 miles an hour.

Still by 1400 this subjected torture should be over and is to never to be repeated again

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Aeroflotgirl · 21/08/2015 07:50

WineFlowersCake for you all for putting up with this nightmare.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/08/2015 07:55

The fact that she's actually being pleasant now makes her week long behaviour all the more pathetic.

I hope you or dh tell her how unpleasant she made the week.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/08/2015 07:57

Is she one of those back seat passengers who clutches the head rest when overtaking Grin.

Northernlurker · 21/08/2015 08:00

Come back to the Dales soon (without her)

WizardOfToss · 21/08/2015 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

00100001 · 21/08/2015 08:10

What level is she on in Candy Crush?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 21/08/2015 08:12

I wonder how long she will take to ever acclimatise to the heavy, thick air at home now having gotten used to the thin air for the week....It'll be a struggle Hammer but we're here to hold your hand so you can get through this!

HammerToFall · 21/08/2015 08:18

We've already booked it northern. A romantic weekend for two at stone house hotel just outside hardraw. I can't wait we can breathe thin air, walk and eat stinky cheese and tough toasties to our hearts content

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diddl · 21/08/2015 08:19

What causes pople to be like this?

Do you think that she couldn't adjust to the not going to her mum everyday?

Didn't like not bing "in charge"

Or does sh moan about how much sh dos for hr mum & is therefore just a moaner?

HammerToFall · 21/08/2015 08:54

Diddl - I think the problem was that she hasn't been away from her home even for a night for 35 years. She was out of her comfort zone and really didn't want to be here and I think she missed her mum. She does moan a lot generally but that she's tired skint etc so we thought this break would be perfect for her but obviously not! Now we're going home I can calm down a bit but one things for sure she won't ever be spending so much as a night with us ever again!

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Chippednailvarnish · 21/08/2015 08:57

Leave her on the motorway services, that'll teach her!

Imbroglio · 21/08/2015 09:20

Sorry I have only skipped through this but I bet when she gets home she'll feel very lonely and realise it was nice to have her family round her and have people fussing over her. She may well ask when can you go again - but don't feel you have to repeat the experience!

I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say she is out of her comfort zone and after years of looking after her mum and not having a job she probably finds having choices and being asked what she wants to do really difficult and actually quite frightening.

I can see that this has been incredibly trying for you and I applaud you for giving her this holiday. Maybe your husband and her other children now need to get together and think about how they can give her and their grandmother a bit more support and broaden her horizons. It's going to be really difficult for her when the time comes and she isn't a carer any more.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/08/2015 09:32

Imbroglio that's a great post.

HammerToFall · 21/08/2015 10:01

Imbrogio - you are right. Her life is so routined and has been for so long that I don't think she can deal with change. She doesn't live alone, BIL still lives with her so she is used to company but not compromise if that makes sense.

Anyways at least we haven't had any frantic crys over the driving - I think she would rather DH drive at 100 miles an hour if it meant she got home quicker Wink

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