Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be totally pissed off with MIL

342 replies

HammerToFall · 18/08/2015 08:37

We are currently on holiday in the Yorkshire dales, we come here a lot and thought it would be nice to ask MIL if she wanted to come this time. Bit of background, MIL has always been a single parent and has struggled financially over the years. She does t work but looks after her elderly mother and spends most of her days back and forth sorting her mum out. We thought it would be a nice break for her to not have to do anything and just relax and not worry about feeing the gas and electric meter etc.

She said she would love to come but wouldn't be able to the long walks do - absolutely fine. DH said to her do whatever you mam come out for the day, sit and relax in the cottage, come for a drink or not. It's entirely up to you, just have a break.

Well since we got here she has done nothing but moan. The water doesn't taste right, the air is too thin, the towels smell funny etc etc. she is struggling to even walk into the local village which is five minutes so we said we drive there, but she doesn't want to go, she basically wants to sit in the cottage all day on her tablet. This is fine, no problem, we thought she might. However she wants us sitting in it all day with her as well!

The kids do not want to sit in a cottage all day, they want to be out exploring. She are now getting passive aggressive comments with sly digs about being left in her own all the time, and she keeps mumbling to the kids that she's going home.

She is sending messages to other family members saying how mean we are leaving her in her own, but she literally does not want to do anything she won't even go out for dinner or lunch in case she doesn't like the food!

I know she wants to go home, but if DH takes her then it's an eight hour round trip and we are losing a days holiday. I don't know wether to confront her the next time she makes a comment and try and chivvy her out of it or just go with it and ignore the comments, or take her home, lose a day and enjoy the last few days of our holiday Angry

OP posts:
gamerchick · 18/08/2015 20:07

Can you not stick her on a train or something and send her home?

Nielsbohr · 18/08/2015 20:08

Sounds like you're starting to see the funny side OP. My mil came on hols with us once and the first night she wanted to warm up some boiled mince she had brought with her for our dinner. My DH agreed. I bailed out on that 'holiday' after 3 days of moaning and left my dh not long after. I laugh about it now tho. She was a boot incapable of enjoying herself and resented anyone else having a good time too. Wine for you OP

Mintyy · 18/08/2015 20:10

Dear God, she's 7 years older than me. I've just spent two weeks hiking up mountains, riding on bikes all day, swimming in lakes, on my feet covering miles in a couple of European cities in 30+ temperatures all day. And I am no gym bunny, believe me.

Is she actually disabled? If not, why can she not go out for a walk?!

Floisme · 18/08/2015 20:15

I would treat her like a grown up and talk to her. Ask her if she wants to go home and if yes, drop her off at the station. If no, leave her be but get on with the holiday and don't pander to her. This is assuming there are no health issues that I've missed? Her life doesn't sound easy but that's no excuse for spoiling the holiday for everyone.

I am having a major sense of humour failure over this comment:
Some older folk love nothing more than a good moan.

HammerToFall · 18/08/2015 20:17

Not disabled mintyy just self indulgent. I don't give a flying fuck now. I'm drinking red wine with my log burner going and mumsnetting. Let her get on with it. Although if I hear the candy crush tune one more time I may become murderous Blush

OP posts:
DJThreeDog · 18/08/2015 20:22

OMG if that was my mum I would have exploded by now!

Wind your neck in you cranky mare, do you like ANYTHING?!

seaoflove · 18/08/2015 20:29

My mil came on hols with us once and the first night she wanted to warm up some boiled mince she had brought with her for our dinner.

Oh my god. Boiled mince? I have never heard of anyone boiling mince. And that was going to be a lovely holiday meal? You're well rid!

RandomMess · 18/08/2015 20:39

Can I give you a medal for not murdering her????

Stick her on the train and get one of her other sons to collect her?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 18/08/2015 20:48

I think you need to do a g&t fueled as per suggestion up thread....
'we're concerned that you're unhappy, you're normally such a cheery person... '..

Then say nothing... Watch her sweat....

Sorry she's being such a right royal pita...

Can you not get your OH to have a word... Pity that you seen to be dealing with it all..

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/08/2015 21:01

Hahahaha she is now watching the dales on TV and saying hoe beautiful it looks. FFS WE ARE HERE!!!!
Grin
Priceless.

OhBigHairyBollocks · 18/08/2015 21:08

Passing you more wine OP Grin

HammerToFall · 18/08/2015 21:17

Unfortunately tomorrow I'm going to have to deal with her and a hangover but for tonight it's so worth it as my flippant attitude to the whining is really winding her up. She is now only talking to Dh and saying his name before she speaks just so I know it is not me she is speaking to You've got to laugh really. When DH brought the fish and chips in I took mine into living room and left her to sort her own out. Surprisingly they weren't too greasy and she ate them all. I think I may have found the way forward for the next three days - gin and wineGrin

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/08/2015 21:18

We did a week away with my dad and MiL, beautiful house right on the beach, glorious!

I thought they'd love being with us and the boys.

Dad spent the week watching the snooker on the telly and MiL sat in the conservatory reading her books.

Confused
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/08/2015 21:20

Fight fire with fire Grin.

oneowlgirl · 18/08/2015 21:47

Gin & wine sounds like the perfect plan Grin

pictish · 18/08/2015 21:48

Keep it up.

fabuLou · 18/08/2015 22:04

In passing, mention that keeping active is important as we she gets older. Lazy moo

drudgetrudy · 18/08/2015 22:20

some older folk like nothing more than a good moan-here we go again!

She is 60-so hardly ancient. She sounds very selfish but this isn't necessarily related to her age.
She also sounds completely capable of catching a train if she isn't happy.
The texting of other family members makes her sound like a bother causer.
Is having it out with her straight and asking if she wants to go home an option?

drudgetrudy · 18/08/2015 22:23

Lazy moo-some people may find it hard to keep up on a walk etc. especially if they smoke heavily.
This doesn't mean they have to whine and prevent everyone else from having a good time. It sounds as if she can't amuse herself on her own for five minutes.

5Foot5 · 18/08/2015 22:40

Mintyy You are me!! Apart from the swimming.

Floisme · 18/08/2015 22:46

Hear hear drudgetrudy

Op, you do realise, you and your MIL are both doing the same thing i.e. moaning about each other behind the other person's back?

Why don't you just talk to each other! Tell her she's being a complete pain in the arse and ask her why she came when she clearly didn't want to. What's the worst that can happen? You might even get somewhere.

G1veMeStrength · 18/08/2015 22:57

Crying tears at admiring the Dales on TV. Can we have a running commentary please from now on? Wine

Chippednailvarnish · 18/08/2015 23:02

Op, you do realise, you and your MIL are both doing the same thing i.e. moaning about each other behind the other person's back?

Except for I have no idea who the OP is, will have forgotten the existence of this thread by the end of the week and whatever is posted here has no impact on my day to day real life. The Mil has cost the OP money, ruined her holiday and is spending her time moaning about the OP to people the OP knows. Hardly the same thing.

drudgetrudy · 18/08/2015 23:11

Looking at the last sentence of the original post I suggest that you DO confront her, ask her if she wants to go home but don't waste a day taking her if she does want to go-put her on the train.
I would spell out that she is ruining the kids holiday and if she doesn't want to/can't join in their activities she should either find things she wants to do on her own or go home.
I don't see why leaving her to her own devices is a problem for her-she shouldn't need babysitting.
I'm older than she is and would be quite happy to come along to some activities and have the odd quiet day reading my book or wondering round the nearest town.

Floisme · 18/08/2015 23:12

Not exactly the same thing, I agree. But then I'm not defending mother in law's moaning, just pointing out that if all the op does is in turn moan behind MIL's back...well then she kind of loses the moral high ground, not to mention an opportunity to take a stand and challenge MIL's behaviour. No?

Swipe left for the next trending thread