To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

Ok... From what you've said I'm assuming that the rental is £1K.
Your DB has split this between the 5 rooms. Actually if we think of your two children as paying 1/2 an adult the rental works out roughly £90 pp and £45 per child. It would also make each couples contribution to your parents room about £45. Offer £315 your siblings should each then pay £225. Your brother can make up the extra tenner for being a dick.

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So a 2 year old should pay a full adult price. My 2 yr old who has no income apart from his child benefit has to pay the same as a working adult??

Also should I now tell my parents that this gift is not from me and my 3 siblings as they were initially told - but is actually also being paid for by a 2 yr old and a 6 yr old

I thought it was £800 for the house split between the 4 rooms so brother and sister paying £200 each and op paying £400. I think I would offer to pay £300 and ask DB and DS to pay £250 each. If it was split equally would be £266 for each of the 3 siblings so not massively more for you.

The holiday house cost will be per person though. It doesn't really matter where the 'persons' sleep, it's necessary to stick to the occupancy rate due to the various health and safety/insurance stipulations that the holiday letting co or the holiday house should stick to. You are paying pp, not per room.

Although I can see that if your db had double checked with you, you would have had the opportunity to correct him re sleeping arrangements. However I doubt the holiday cottage or letting co insurance would cover 4 people in a room supposed to sleep 2 and therefore wouldn't permit this kind of arrangement. So either way if you'd made the booking, the cost would still be the same.

The OP appears to have a brother and two sisters. There are 6 rooms.

Your DC should not be paying for the parent's room! Surely everyone agrees on that?

Oh I see there is another sister. so it is £1000 so would be £250 each if each sibling paid the same. So maybe £230 each for them and £270 for you, does that seem fair? If you were expecting to pay £250 would the extra £20 be worth arguing about?

I thought that only applies to infants though? So under twos? I suppose different holiday lets might have different rules though.

OP- I'm not sure if your last post was aimed at me but I definitely don't think your children should pay adult price. The calculation I posted charges half for your children and makes sure you don't pay a bigger share towards your parent's room. Tbh I think you're within your rights to tell your brother to change the booking for something more suitable but thar might not be possible now.

I don't understand posters saying Why should I pay for others' children when talking about their nieces and nephews. They're your family too. It wouldn't cross my mind to not want to subsidise mine, if I couldn't afford to I'd be sad about it.

Ah I see sorry do.

OP, you say that your DB booked this months ago. I presume he sent you a link at the time, so you could see what he'd booked? Surely at that time you queried why there were 6 bedrooms rather than the 4 you need?

And, as you didn't, I think it's reasonable that he would assume that as there are 6 bedrooms, you would be taking advantage of 2 of them rather than 4 of you squash into 1 bed.

So I think the trouble stems from the fact you haven't queried it until now.
Regardless, it's obviously fairest for the whole cost of the accom to be shared between 3 siblings equally.

And you put a little bit extra into the food/drink bill.

Oh God my maths has gone mad. I'm going to bed.

In my family the adult sibling would split the cost. My DB has one child, sister has two and I have 4, they wouldn't have expected me to pay more.

The issue is, I think, that your DCs would be chargeable as guests wherever they sleep. e.g. if a house has four bedrooms it could be rented as an 8 person house. If a house has three bedrooms, it might be rented as a 6 person house etc. Your DCs would be counted as people for the rental point of view.

So, if your DCs weren't going, a smaller house could have been rented. As it is, most letting agents/landlords will simply not rent a house out to be over occupied, even if two of the guests are small.

You say you only want one bedroom - and I understand that - my 4 year old would not want to sleep alone in a strange place but your DCs will count towards the total occupancy numbers and therefore the total cost.

Personally, I don't think it's fair for your siblings to be expected to pay extra for you to leave a bedroom empty - when they will have had to chose a property big enough to accommodate all of you.

We have a much, much lower income than any of my siblings but have more children - we have three, DB has two, DSis' have one each - and we always pay everything per person.

I'm sure lots of families would be happy just to split the total between the three siblings (mine would if I ever wanted them too), but I'm not sure that's actually the fairest way.

Hang on. How many siblings are we talking about here? 6 bedrooms- so parents, 4 siblings and partners and one extra room for the children? So surely the cost should just be divided by 4? The house will cost the same regardless of how many people are in it. Obviously the cost of the food needs to be divided by 10 (excluding the parents) and the OP pay 4 shares and the others paying 2 shares per couple.

When we've done this with 12,we paid per person including ds who was two. We did a huge online shop & divided that by 12. In some ways it was unfair,but planning a holiday with so many people frankly was a bloody nightmare!
Yabu to expect him others to pay more because you pay childcare. We all have bills.

I agree that it is unfair that you are paying double towards your parents room, the children shouldn't count when calculating that.

But they should be calculated as adults when calculating the costs of rooms, they are probably included when working out the size of house/number of rooms needed. A five bedroom house would most likely only sleep 10, so you do need a 6 bedroom house, regardless of whether you would be willing to share a room. It's not the same as staying in a hotel, where children are often charged half price or free if they share.

I feel a bit sorry for your DB, he's trying to sort out a weekend away, and it can be almost impossible to please everyone. Maybe it genuinely hasn't occurred to him that you are paying double for your parents room. Just talk to him and see if you can pay a little less and your siblings pay a little more.

But a equal split between each family is definately not fair either, as you do need to be paying for two rooms.