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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

761 replies

TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:20

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

OP posts:
lottiesatitagain · 15/08/2015 20:39

Actually I disagree. Most holiday rental contracts stipulate 2 people per bedroom so there was no reason for your brother to check with you. Owners do not want for example a family of four in a one bedroom property as the property is equipped for 2 people in terms of insurance, crockery, seating etc. If you are four people and every one else is two, harsh as it sounds, you need to pay for two bedrooms regardless of whether you all end up sleeping together. A young baby in a cot would be an exception though.

wibbleywee · 15/08/2015 20:43

If everyone is sleeping in the same room then you need to pay for one room. Tell your brother this straight and say if not we cant go as we cant afford it, you may find the price goes up if he has split the total cost between the rooms instead of couples, either way you need to grow a pair and say no.

Northernlurker · 15/08/2015 20:44

I think the bedrooms are a red herring tbh. The issue is there are three of you paying?
So brother = £200
brother = £200
You = £400

and what you expected to pay was £200 for one room - but in that case who was paying for the parents? I can see why you're mad but I don't think £200 was ever going to cover it. £400 is absurd though.

VivaLeBeaver · 15/08/2015 20:44

I think you should have told your DB right at the start before anything was booked that you only need one room. It's reasonable to assume that as a family of four you'd need four beds.

Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:46

The £200 per room was inclusive of the contribution towards our parent's room

Sorry if it's not clear

OP posts:
grannytomine · 15/08/2015 20:46

So are your children paying a share of your parents room? Even if people think their room should be paid for surely no one would expect them to be covering a share of grandparents room.

MrsHathaway · 15/08/2015 20:47

As I understand it, OP is not just paying two shares for two rooms, but also two shares of the parents'/grandparents' room. That's wrong regardless of the room issue.

I have children of a similar age who often/occasionally jump in. But unless it was a deal breaker I'd want a separate room for more cupboard space and to put their toys in and so on. A room isn't just the bed.

Would DB have booked different accommodation if he'd known you didn't need as many rooms? If this house is the best and is conveniently full if your children have their own room, then everyone should share its cost.

Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:47

The price per room will go up if it's divided per family - but still more affordable for us than £400

OP posts:
grannytomine · 15/08/2015 20:47

Sorry, you answered my question while I was asking it. Tell him that is ridiculous, you can't expect a baby to be contributing to grandparents room. Unbelievable.

FortyCoats · 15/08/2015 20:48

I'm confused. How many adults, including your parents, and children, are going?

mayaknew · 15/08/2015 20:48

Lottie surely that doesn't include little kids though ? I mean a holiday home owner cannot tell a parent where their child is to sleep ? And if they did then surely parents would just not go to that one ?

If the db was adamant the kids were to go he should have sourced a family friendly holiday home ConfusedConfused

Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:49

I didn't even realise we were contributing twice to my parents room!!

This is the only house that suited our needs in the area. It happens to have 6 rooms. There was no alternative that DB or we could have booked.

OP posts:
grannytomine · 15/08/2015 20:49

Why did he book six rooms? Even if the children have a room you would only need five rooms wouldn't you?

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 15/08/2015 20:50

I would presume that a family of four with DC of 2 and 6 would need / want two rooms, though I would check first before committing.

Are you sure that the room and bed you are in will be big enough for four of you??

GoldfishCrackers · 15/08/2015 20:50

It looks to me that because you and your DB are covering the cost of your parents' room, but dividing the total cost by the 'paying' people, both you and your DC are paying a split of the parents' room. I'd object to that.

grannytomine · 15/08/2015 20:50

TheReason, we seem to be thinking the same thing at the same time, you must be reading my mind.

AuntyMag10 · 15/08/2015 20:50

Your brother should have confirmed with you but he's not unreasonable to think that you would need two rooms. Most people would think that. You need to speak to him and split the cost between the families such that the additional room is split between everyone. Btw, the other families having more income than you is none of your business in deciding who should pay more, and your children are not everyone's obligation.

Twodogsandahooch · 15/08/2015 20:51

No I don't think he's being mean. I would expect to pay more in this situation. Holiday rentals are usually quite strict on occupancy numbers and so your brother probably couldn't book a smaller property on the premise that the 4 of you would share.

mayaknew · 15/08/2015 20:51

Oh yeah I didn't think of the fact that if you are paying double the rest then you are paying twice for your parents room ShockShock

Your db is being massively unreasonable !!! So because you have dcs you've to pay for an extra room AND a higher percentage of your parents room ! No chance op I'd be telling him to jog on !Angry

code · 15/08/2015 20:52

You'll need a big bed to fit two adults and two children. And then all your stuff and theirs in one room. Sounds very uncomfortable. I would expect 4 people to need two rooms to be honest. I find it odd brother didn't run prices by you all before he booked.

Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:53

I know the other families having no income is not relevant - even though I brought it up

What I think is relevant is that we have less money and are having to pay way more that we expected and we're having to pay for the extra room that happened to be in the house - but a room we don't want

OP posts:
TheCrowFromBelow · 15/08/2015 20:54

But I was told when we were talking about booking it that we were splitting the cost if a gift to my parents of a trip away.

I think this is the key - your DBro has organised this weekend break as a present for your parents, the "gift" being a lovely weekend away with their children and grandchildren; I can see why you thought the cost would then be split equally between you, Dbro & Dsis.
It's not at all the same as booking a shared holiday.
Not sure what the answer is though..

lottiesatitagain · 15/08/2015 20:54

Maya

No they cannot say where the children sleep but you cannot cram 8 people into a 2 bedroom property for example 2 couples with 2 children each. For insurance reasons and all the reasons I stated above it is generally not allowed. If you rent a 4 bedroom property with the example of two couples with 2 children each and the children sleep in each couples bedroom that is fine as the house is equipped for 8 and insured for 8.

AuntyMag10 · 15/08/2015 20:55

Did you all not discuss budgets, prices and any details before booking? How did he know what price range to look at?

Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:55

We'd have no problem squashing in to the bed together - we often go camping and mange fine sleeping on top of each other with all our stuff in a small place. We'll only be bringing 2 bags - how much space do we need??

OP posts:
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