To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

It's way too complicated!

Sounds as if a weekend away for just parents is the way to go!

For people to just visit for a meal it has to be close enough to everyone!

bunch of muppets

Actually I think Muppets are better organised and less dramatic!

And don't you just hate a name changer

When my ex and I holidayed (before children) with 2 families (1 with 1 child and 1 with 4 children) we split the cost of the holiday home equally between the 3 families. However this was agreed before booking...

Get parents booked into a local spa hotel (split 4 ways), all family attend on the Saturday evening for dinner at said hotel, everyone pays for themselves, if anyone wants to, they can book at said hotel and make a weekend of it.

Job done.

Thanks for calling me a muppet. The truth is I'm very disorganised this year as I've been very unwell and had bigger things to worry about.

I'm organising a hotel - DB is a bit annoyed but I told him he can't be forcing everyone to go to something they don't want as it won't be enjoyable.

Im going to run it by my parents and everyone else first to make sure they're happy with this. We can all meet up for one night and enjoy a meal and go to the bar. My parents can stay 2 or 3 nights if they want. We'll each cover our own rooms and split the cost of our parent's room.

It takes the pressure off everyone and sounds more enjoyable. I'll be more cautious about what I agree to next year

Did you mention the money and how it was split? Just interested in if it was an oversight?

I name change a lot - I didn't realise it was disapproved of. I think it unfair for posters to give the OP grief for it.

It's not disorganisation on your part that is muppetry, and nothing to do with being poorly.

Your muppetry is your repeated silly assertion that your DB is "making your DC pay" for their GF's present, your petulant suggestion that you might take your own food (way to go for a happy atmosphere), your impractical approach that your 6 yo can sleep across the bottom of your (likely standard double) bed by your feet to save money, your arrogant belief that you are only going for the benefit of others, your continued refusal to recognise that there is benefit in the trip to your family too, and your pervasive attitude that your DB owes you and your DC more financial generosity because he earns more, amongst other silly little things during the thread.

FWIW, your DB and DS's don't come across much better if your posts accurately reflect their comments and behaviour.

But I genuinely hope you all enjoy the hotel. It would seem a much more sensible alternative. No point risking alienating family over what is essentially a relatively small amount of money.

Not GF's present, GP's present!

If you were in a good hotel, the DCs would be free. There is no way that children of that age would be put in a separate room to their parents at a hotel.

Anyone else who would love to hear the mean Brother's version!

Hope it all works out.

Sounds like a good solution OP.

Out of interest have you found a hotel that fits the bill? I do think a hotel is the best idea all round, but I'd be surprised if you find a nice one where a family room and a share of your parents room is less than £250, plus the cost of the meal ( and presumably a share of your DPs.)

But yes no more joint holidays - ever - would be the best way to go!

Name changing for a current thread when you are the OP is obviously not a good idea as then people can't easily see your updates as they aren't in a different colour.

Of course it's not a good idea to name change mid thread which is why the OP didn't do it on purpose. It was a mistake and nothing more.

So who's paying for Bob and Jean's hotel room then? What about the tray charge on Jean's croissants?

I'm not sure we are going, Jean couldn't handle the stress of only communicating by carrier pigeon and smoke signals rather than actually speaking to each other!

And you can get four all butter croissants in Morrison's for a quid!

To be quite honest BobnJean, I think the parents would rather go with you anyway, and let the kids squabble among themselves. The gents could get a round of golf in while Jean and OP's mum go for a sauna and a facial.

I don't get why you aren't booking your parents in for an all expenses paid weekend at an uber luxurious hotel in this country (or Ireland, or Scotland), or a city break somewhere romantic, just the two of them - Rome, or Paris, or Prague. The grand would cover it easily, and if they childmind your two regularly, and see all the rest fairly often, then a nice trip away together might be lovely for them.

I adore my kids but if I see a lot of them in my retirement I think a weekend away, just me and DH, would be fab. And it would stop all the bickering, too.

WhirlyTwos don't be so nasty; it may not be much money to you but it clearly is to the OP. Lucky you if you regard £400 as a trifle .

OP glad you sorted it - sounds better all round.

Ooooo, Inertia a MN spa break cures everything doesn't it ?

I'm inclined to invite the DB (the mean one) as I feel quite sorry for him, given how much his family seem to dislike him!

Staying in a hotel sounds a bit crap to me. It's something I do regularly for business and don't enjoy particularly. If I wanted to spend time with my family a hotel isn't what I'd choose because of the lack of any private rooms for the family to socilise together, especially with small children to look after. I don't know how the meal/drinks at the bar are doable with smallish children either. If I was the brother I'd be very pissed off that my lovely idea had been trashed (even if it wasn't particularly practical and I'd pressed everyone into it). I suspect part of the problem is the huge time gap between agreeing on the plan at Christmas and execution in the summer.

Still the important question is whether a night in a hotel with a meal for all family members is an enjoyable option for the parents in question, as it's their gift after all. And I see that the OP is going to talk to them, which is the most important thing.

Please, please, check with your parents before booking them into a hotel somewhere, and assuming they're happy with just getting one evening with their family. My brother once organised something similar, and our parents were terribly disappointed because they were more interested in the time with their kids/grandkids, rather than how plush the hotel was. DM still maintains that the best present ever was when we took them away for the whole weekend, and ate/drank/walked/undertook activities together all weekend. In fact, she cried and said she'd waited 60 years for it.

The most important question is what would make this be a great present for your parents, and then work out how to make that happen.