To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

I'm child free. Why should I pay for someone's children to go on holiday with me? I've gone on holiday with friends and their kids. There's no way on earth they'd expect me to pay anything towards their kids holiday, not even splitting food bills with just the adults as I'm only 1 person and they have kids. The same when I've holidayed with family. You sound utterly mad if you expect others to pay for your kids. Your childcare costs are irrelevant, as are your brother's finances. You could give easily said no to the holiday.

If it was me I'd totally stump up for the extra room, then sling both DC in with DH while I barricaded myself in My Room for two days, with enormous piles of books and chocolate.

misses point

Murfles The fact of the matter is the OP's are the only 'family' there, the others are couples who shouldn't have to pay for kids who aren't theirs.

Only adults should be paying toward the parents' room.

I dont think its it is unreasonable to charge per room. However I don't think fair to load the parental substitute the same way nor should food be split that way.

Does anyone disagree with that?

mintpoppet but do you think the children should be paying towards the grandparents room?

I think best to be upfront and say you didn't realise he was allocating you 2 rooms and the extra expense is an issue for you. Are the rooms all exactly the same? If not, could you compromise by taking the largest for £300?

Ok I understand now - after reading some I these posts - why it's annoying me so much

The whole point of this holiday is that it's a joint present from me and my siblings to our parents. We told my parents we are taking them away and they won't have to pay as we are splitting the cost

But actually I'm paying significantly more than my siblings towards the gift .

DB told me months and months ago how much the house would cost and I assumed I'd be paying an equal share to my siblings. There was never any discussion about cost per room - it was just a joint gift of a house rental to my parents.

Everyone is making a massive deal about how important it is that my DC are there as it means so much to my parents. But my DCs have to pay the same as the other adults to attend. I don't even what to attend as it's so expensive but feel obliged as my parents would be sad if we don't.

my DCs are also, through the cost of the extra room, are having to pay the contribution towards my parents room.

But there are 4 of you instead of 2 using all the other facilities ie bathrooms,sitting room chairs etc

Are your other siblings paying more towards food and wine, perhaps?

We always get our parents a big joint Christmas present and split the cost.

Last year the gift was this holiday home.

I didn't realise when we gave the gift that my DCs we're paying a contribution too - I should have put their names on the card!!! The card was signed from myself and my siblings

Next year I'll be more cautious

op is clearly saying 1 room ! the brother did not check first. They cannot afford to pay double. The brother should have to pay -he made the mistake.

I'd split the cost between the siblings, however would feel a guilty if they were paying for say 2 couples and We were a family of four. You still haven't said who the 12 people are that are going OP. What are they paying?

I think you're both being unreasonable. You should not expect to pay more than " just two adults" your brother has cocked up by asking you to pay for 4 adults. Offer to pay the equivalent of 3 adults ( 2 and 2 halves) and see how it goes.

i think the consensus here OP is that you should pay for the extra room, but the co tribute on towards your parents should be split 3 ways instead of 4.

I love the idea that a 2 year old has to pay his share for the use of sitting room chair. In my experience the 6 year old should probably get a discount on bathroom use as mine never wanted to spend long in there at 6, obviously if a teenager was going they should pay a premium as they spend longer in the bathroom and sleep in late so extra bathroom and bed charge please.

This is priceless.

Sounds like more communication upfront. We quite often go away with family and always split accommodation by room. We've got 3 DC so that generally means we take up an extra bedroom - so we contribute more.

The 'gift' element ie the cost of your parents room should be split per family however as it's a joint gift from the adults only.

It seems that you're looking at the whole 'event ' as a gift to your parents so assuming the whole cost split between adults. Not unreasonable - but needed agreement first .....

I feel sorry for your db tbh

He's the one who has organised it

It's not likely that a family of four would share a room tbh

You aren't paying anything toward your parents room

Sorry, that

Sorry, that should have read " you should expect to pay more than just 2 adults".

esio - i am paying twice towards my parents room if I have to pay for 2 rooms - as the cost of our parents room is built in to the cost of the other rooms