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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

761 replies

TheReason · 15/08/2015 20:20

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 15/08/2015 22:04

OP just email your brother:

"Hi DB,

We only need the one room, not two. And we definitely won't be able to afford to pay for a room we won't ever use, things are tight enough financially for us as it is. Also, the present is from the three of us to our parents, not the 3 of us and the DSs. I can only pay my split, I'm not paying for half their present while you both pay a quarter, that makes no sense.

GColdtimer · 15/08/2015 22:07

How many adults are going op. If three sibling and your parents surely you only need 5 bedrooms anyway, even allowing the kids one.

In our family the siblings would just split the cost of the house equally. But at the very least you shouldn't be paying double what the others are for just one extra room. That makes no sense.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 15/08/2015 22:07

Sorry Maryz, I missed that bit! It's been a long day Blush.

In that case, split the accommodation cost between the siblings. But split any food bills as a cost per person.

Icimoi · 15/08/2015 22:07

Santas, I very much doubt that anyone renting a house would have a problem with people using one bedroom as a family room. And the fact is they haven't chosen this property on the basis that 6 bedrooms are needed: OP is said that it is the only house in the area with enough room. Therefore if the children weren't going presumably the brother would still have rented this house and it would have been accepted that the cost of the spare room would be divided between all of them. Logically the same should apply now since the children aren't taking up any more room.

mojo17 · 15/08/2015 22:07

As it stands it is unfair
Mistake 1 your db booked without checking with you how many rooms you needed

Mistake 2 he has charged your dcs full adult prices and a share of the parents gift

The understanding was an equal split of the gift (staying away in this cottage) between the siblings so as it stands you are paying double

You need to point this out and recalculate the amounts and send him the cheque and that's that.

Other costs ie food and drink would be entirely separate

Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 22:08

the house rental was a gift from us 4 siblings to our parents.

My parents understand that the cost of the gift is being shared between the 4 siblings. It was presented to them that way on Christmas day. The names of us 4 siblings were on the card. I thought I would be paying 25% of the overall cost.

But actually, as it turns out, it's being shared between the 4 siblings and my 2 DCs

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 15/08/2015 22:08

Out of interest I have entered a search into Cottages for you for ten adults and two children. More than one 5 bedroom house came up, so it is perfectly possible for 12 people to sleep in a 5 bed holiday let.

RandomMess · 15/08/2015 22:09

From my understanding the op told her DB that her dc didn't need a room that they needed only 1 room so he only needed a 5 bed place to rent. However he couldn't find one so booked a 6 bed one instead...

DoreenLethal · 15/08/2015 22:10

So there are 8 adults going, and yet you are paying half the cost of the whole thing? Yeah, that would not be happening in my world.

DragonMamma · 15/08/2015 22:10

I haven't RTFT but we regularly go away with the whole family and we pay per adult couple so essentially everybody absorbs the costs of the DC.

We do realise that not everybody can afford to pay more for an extra room though and we are happy to do it that way - my parents have often beebnr in our position and are happy to effectively sub us, as they were in our situation by my grandparents. I would hope we can do the same for our DC, when the time comes.

Maryz · 15/08/2015 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Liquoricetwirl · 15/08/2015 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 22:11

The house was picked because of it's size and particular location and particular facilities. If my family was not going they would have had to book that house anyway and have some spare rooms. DB did not book this house especially to accommodate my DC's

  • it was just there was no other options
OP posts:
Iggi999 · 15/08/2015 22:12

But actually, as it turns out, it's being shared between the 4 siblings and my 2 DCs
Well it doesn't have to be. Follow the mumsnet consensus, send him a cheque for the two rooms and a sibling-only share of your parents' room. What can he do?

FreeCoffee · 15/08/2015 22:12

YANBU.

I'd have thought it fair to split the cost just between the adults. (Although, if split between the adults then it would be nice for you to bring extra food or booze or something) If your kids were a bit older then I would expect you to contribute something for them but not a whole adult share iyswim.

I'd speak to your brother. Maybe a polite friendly email copied to all involved.

Dear Bro,
Oh dear, I've just seen the breakdown of costs. I'm sorry but we really weren't expecting to be charged for two rooms as the kids will be sleeping in our room and we have no use for a second room. I was expecting to pay for the kids food but had assumed we would only be paying a third of the cost of the house.

Can you let me know if this ok.

FuzzyWizard · 15/08/2015 22:12

I understand why you're annoyed but as things stand at the moment you can either insist that your DB cancel and book a 5 bedroom place or offer a reasonable amount for your children... The £400 your brother is asking for is not reasonable.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 15/08/2015 22:13

OP - are you really saying that even with a room going spare you would still have both your DC sleeping in with you? The problem is, I expect you DB couldn't book anywhere smaller unless he had happened to find somewhere with a family room with 4 beds in it. For eg, the National Trust rules on occupancy here are clear that if the property's maximum occupation is 8, only 8 people can stay, regardless of whether they are 2 or 82.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 15/08/2015 22:13

x-posts Icimoi. I did RTFT but obviously missed the crucial nugget of information that this was the only suitable house & would have been booked regardless.

Inertia · 15/08/2015 22:13

If you can't afford to go with the costs as they are, then you need to explain this to everyone promptly so that they can book a 4 bedroomed cottage and you can arrange an affordable present from your family, or explain that you'll need to find a different cottage with a family room for the 4 of you to make it affordable.

Unfortunately, most holiday lets will not rent out on the basis of 4 people sharing a 2-person bed, so it's a bit harsh to place all of the blame on your brother.

However, he should have been upfront with the fact that it wasn't going to be an equal split of costs - it sounds as though it was presented that way, especially when he made such a fuss about all of you going.

So from what you've said , it seems to look like this:

Bedroom 1 - Your parents
Bedroom 2 - You and DH
Bedroom 3 - Nominally your children's room, though you don't think they will need it.
Bedroom 4 - brother
Bedroom 5- sister
bedroom 6 - sister

Each room pays 1/6 of the total , ie, £167 for that room.

The cost of the parents room is split between the 4 siblings - your children should not be paying for that, so each of the 4 siblings pays an additional £42 (rounded up).

So at most you should pay 167 +167 + 42 = 376
Other siblings each pay 167 + 42 = 209

Alternatively, you could tell them that you can't afford that amount but will pay £62.50 as your share of of your parents' room , as if you don't go the price per room becomes £250.

I think it'd be kinder of your siblings to split the cottage costs between you and then you pay for the children's food separately.

pieceofpurplesky · 15/08/2015 22:14

I quite amazed at this. My parents and family would never dream of charging for the kids - even going out for meals we Split it by adults (I only have one child but it never bothers me).
You cannot honestly expect the OP to pay full prices for her kids. Her DB lives in cloud cuckoo land - bet the grandparents would be livid

midgeymum2 · 15/08/2015 22:14

Agree kids should not be paying adult food and drink costs, that's crazy!

Could you offer to split the cost of the spare room 4 ways between you and your siblings op?

Your db is clearly clueless.

mayaknew · 15/08/2015 22:15

Wow I can't believe people would be so begrudging to children , especially they're nieces and nephewsConfused

Op you absolutely have to insist that all siblings pay equal share of accommodation costs . As you said they 6 bed was booked because it was available and NOT to accommodate your dcs !

budgiegirl · 15/08/2015 22:16

I very much doubt that anyone renting a house would have a problem with people using one bedroom as a family room.

IME, most WOULD have a problem with this. Holiday letting properties will generally have a maximum occupancy, and state this on the booking details. For example, a 5 bedroom house may say 'sleeps 10'. Sometimes they may offer to allow an extra infant in a cot, but it should say this on the booking details, and most won't allow you to bring extra older children to squash into a parents room. To do so would most likely contravene insurance policies or fire rules.

Inertia · 15/08/2015 22:16

Is there only one sister? I read DSs as sisters.

Original poster
TheReason · 15/08/2015 22:16

Nobody seems to notice my point that this was a joint gift for. 4 siblings to our parents for Christmas. The card was signed from us 4 so our parents think we are each paying 25% of the cost but really I am paying more

OP posts: