To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

I don't know why people are surprised that you would have children in your room. If it was a hotel would they feel the same? When my kids were young they always shared a room with us as it can be scary to wake up in a strange place.

TheReason. Sorry you've ended up with a holiday that is too expensive for you.

My opinion in general is that if you're the only couple with children and the children incur an extra cost (ie an extra room) then you have to pay more. I don't feel you can just share this extra cost between different parts of the extended family.

However I understand in your circumstances you didn't want or need the extra room. I don't know why this wasn't discussed before booking which would have solved everything. But it's done now.

I think it's okay to tell your brother that the extra room was not needed and makes the holiday very expensive for you. Put the ball in his court and ask him for any solutions. Might he meet you half way and split the difference?

It doesn't seem a stupid thing he did (ie because he has no children himself and thoughtless with no clue). I have children and would have assumed you'd need an extra room. Both your brother and I are wrong in this instance but the failure between you and your DB to communicate your requirements happened at the very beginning of the holiday planning and has led you to where you are.

I hope you can get something sorted which everyone can feel reasonably okay about and most importantly enjoy your holiday

just tell him.

Nobody would/could have guessed you'd all be happy to squash into 1 room.

Most brothers could take this sort of feedback from their sisters, IMO.

It sounds like he can do no good in your eyes anyway, and he's not a good enough brother/uncle to you, but really, some (most) people without kids simply have no idea what it's like.

There isn't a rule how often uncles need to se their nephews to be "good" uncles, or how expensive presents have to be.

Also, if he'd booked the 4 of you in a 2 bed room, you might well have felt put out he did not think the kids important enough to have a bed.

I mean, ideally he should have asked. but i feel he can't win this one anyway....?

This is getting a bit tricky to follow.
When going on holiday on holiday with my big brother, we would do total cost of holiday cottage divided by those who had a job so were paying (2).
Mum and young step brother were guests. I am happy to go on holiday with DB.

Went to centre parks with DS and ended up paying half the bill when we rented 3 villas because I have 3DC. I'm still pissed off about subsidising DS DBil his DB and DW. I don't go on holiday with DS anymore.

Have the argument before you go and get it settled.

If your holiday cottage costs £800 then divide by 3 and you and your siblings pay £267 each and kids and grandparents are guests.

I have just booked a weekend away for me and DH. We are staying in Hilton hotel, two Queen sized beds and can take our two grandchildren to share the room. Included is dinner on both nights and buffet breakfast. It is costing us £180 and the only extra would be the meals for the children. Hope that doesn't cost us £220. We also have use of the swimming pool and leisure centre and lovely grounds. £400 for a weekend in a shared house sounds expensive to me.

I see that you had to be encouraged to go in the first place, and that might be clouding your judgement a little. Pretend you do want to go, what would you pay?

well yanbu and also - he is charging you twice for the share of your parent's room as I assume the £200 represents the cost of the room plus a share to cover your parent's room. I would suggest that it is his fuck up as he never checked whether you needed one or 2 rooms and you could have booked a five bed place instead - what about seeing if an aunt or uncle wants in?

I did tell him we don't need 2 rooms and he didn't commit to changing the prices.

To be honest my view of this is coloured by DB's general meanness. He's rich but only buys the cheapest gifts for my DC's if he bothers to remember their birthdays at all. Obviously it's all his choice what he does with his money but I can't help feeling it's a bit mean.

DB doesn't seem to love his nephews (my DCs) but for some reason he made a big song and dance about how important it was for me and my DCs to attend this weekend. I think because he knows my parents would like my DCs to be there.

So after making me feel guilty into bringing my DCs that he doesn't even really care about - them I find he is charging them full adult prices!! Lovely!

I don't think it 's your brother's fault. He assumed, quite naturally, that a 4 person family would have 2 2 bed rooms. If you only wanted one room, you should have told him in advance of booking, and he would have booked a smaller and cheaper holiday cottage. Anyway, your boys will be making use of the other parts of the house, using hot water, etc.

I, as a single person, went on holiday with my Dsis and DBIL and their 2 children once. I was expected to pay a third of the cost of meals we had out together, because "the children aren't earning so they can't be expected to pay". I still resent that - if you choose to have children then you should pay for them, regardless of how much money you have.

Sorry op but I think yabu. Your db wouldn't have been allowed to book 12 of you into a 5 bed house. It has nothing to do with where they sleep. Once you're children are 2 plus they do count as a person in holiday accommodation and I don't understand why you expect your family to pay for them. I agree that your parents room should be split equally between the siblings, so you should speak to him about that. Hope you can sort it out and enjoy your holiday.

Your brother can't do basic maths. How is it fair that your siblings each contribute about £35 for your parents room and you contribute £70?
I'd tell him that he needs to book somewhere more appropriate or you all need to split the costs equally.
Don't hand over £400.

When you book something that is say 8 berth, 8 people can use it. If you book something for say 6, 8 ppl can't use it. He has booked based on the number of people inc dc so if dc weren't going he would have booked smaller accommodation. It's based on numbers rather than you squeezing all your kids into one bed, so technically he is right.

You should be paying half the adult cost gor each child . So you count as three adults in your family . Do Divide the total cost between number of "adults" . You will pay more as you have dc regardless of where they sleep.

Under the current arrangement tfe cost of the room you don't intend to use will still have to be paid for unless another couple come. So you all will still have yto pay more than 200 whichever way round. If there are three couples coveting the total cost then 200 / 3 ..but as you have extra people ie fc you should pay more....

I really can't see the problem with booking you two rooms.

Presumably that's four bed places for four people iyswim.

I'd expect to pay for the rooms I was using plus a third share of parents room.

So the cost of the house £800 being paid for by 4 "couples" so that would be £160 per "couple", meaning each "couple" is contributing £40 towards the cost of your parents room. So the 3 actual couples should actually contribute 53.33 to pay for your parents room bringing the total to £213.53. So at most you should be paying your £213.53 plus the £160 for the extra room which comes too £373.53.

DISCLAIMER: I failed GCSE maths the first time. If this is correct I'd like a re-mark!

So £800 between 4 couples - £200 each - of which £200 is being split between 3 - £66ish each. So your share is £266.
Or £600/4 (3 couples plus DC) £150 plus £66 each £216 per room.

Your being coned either way!

£1200 for a weekend is fuckloads. Are the rooms gold plated?!

He probably assumed one of you and a child would use each room. Four in a room sounds very squashed so he wasn't unreasonable in assuming you'd need two rooms. You do need to renegotiate the contribution you're making to covering your parents share though. That bit is definitely UR.

Sorry that's 150 plus 150 plus 66 is 366

As the family with kids, we have always paid more. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to expect anyone else to sub me, tbh. But then it probably didn't cross your bro's mind that you would be happy to all shove into one room (he was probably counting beds. And fuck sharing a holiday let double bed with a two yo, a 6yo and two adults - is there a sofa I could use?!)

More initial communication about the requirements for the booking would have been v helpful. You are being a little unreasonable to expect your brother to have divined that two children would not require beds. He probably thought he had found the ideal let with a bed for everyone going.

Booking holiday lets for multiple groups is always a minefield. And always more expensive than you planned, because you end up with wasted/ unused rooms, or auntie X moaning that she got the smallest room just because she has no partner, and it's unfair because she paid the same as billy and Jo, and there are two of them, but she had to pay it all on her own and got the crappest room etc etc.

Smile, suck it up, pay the money, and give grandma a lovely time. And next time be very clear what your requirements are, or volunteer to make the booking on behalf of the whole family yourself.

Soooo I don't think it's your brothers responsibility to owe you a favour due to your income.

You also said it was the only available house in the area for the dates you wanted.........

We often book Holiday cottages and you book them generally on number of people. Some places are not happy with you booking assuming people will sleep on the floor ie over occupied. We always check personally first when we want to do this. Even when it's been baby in a cot if it doesn't say that's fine.

He probably thought he was being kind by booking a room for your dc. Different people have different views. We will take 1 room between 5 (dc aged 14, 11 8) if we need to. Bil will have hysterics if his dc (4 and 2yo) are expected to share with each other let alone him.

I really don't understand the whole x pays for one room, y pays for 2 rooms etc. Split the rental between the amount of families going minus your parents share. It's a house rental not a bloody room only guest house.

Four in a bed sounds hideous but you should've told him you only needed one bed for you and your kids. Otherwise, sorry but bigger family means bigger costs. Surely people realise this?