To think DB is mean to be charging my DCs for a room we don't want in a holiday home

[TheReason]

DB has arranged weekend away for all of our family. We are meant to be splitting the cost.

There are 6 bedrooms in the house he is renting out. It's working out at approximately £200 per room as me, my DB and DSs are covering the costs of my parents room.

This is a lot of money for us as money is tight due to childcare costs. To be honest I wish we weren't going as we can't really afford it but we feel obliged.

We are the only ones with children.

DB booked the holiday home and - without asking us - decided our children need their own room. Our 2 year old actually sleeps in our bed all the time anyway. Our 6 year old sleeps in his own room at home - but, I would prefer he just squashed into our bed in the holiday home - as otherwise we're paying an extra £200 for him to sleep alone in a room. Chances are that our 6 yr old will end up in our room anyway as he often does and it wouldn't bother us at all.

DB has no children and has no understanding about what having children means.

DB texted me to tell me the breakdown of the cost and I saw that me and DH are having to pay twice what everyone other couple has pay as we have to pay for two rooms.

From DB's point of view he seems to think my DSs are 2 extra people that should be charged as anyone else attending is being charged.

From my point of view, I think it is mean to charge my DSs as adults. Of all the couples attending we actually have the least disposable income due to having the expenses of childcare etc.

If the roles were reversed and DB had children and I didn't - then I would expect that the cost would be divided out per adult.

When I was initially unsure about attending the holiday at all, DB made a big issue about how important it was that my DS's attend. Normally he pays them very little attention and is not really a great uncle for them. He calls over about once every 2 months even though he lives close by and has loads of free time. He seems to feel he has ticked some box by giving them a tiny bit of attention. He always buys them very very cheap presents even though he has no other nephews or nieces and has a very high income. All of this is entirely his choice but colours how I feel about him charging my DC's for a room they don't need

AIBU to think the cost of this holiday home should be divided per adult?

Next year buy them socks. It really doesn't seem like you're that bothered anymore about your parents getting their much-delayed Christmas present.
Why not ask them which they'd prefer "hi mum, we're trying to choose between a hotel and a cottage for our weekend away together, which one would you prefer?" Rather than leading her to one side or the other.

Having RTFT I think you all sound a bit self-centred. Your brother has gone about this in the wrong way but it sounds as if he just wants to make sure that you parents get to spend time with all their children and grandchildren. This is the kind of present my DM always asks for, it means more to her than gifts. It sounds like you can't be bothered with your parents at all, other than to use them for childcare.

Ooooo, Inertia a MN spa break cures everything doesn't it ?

Yes solves all marital disputes, childcare problems, errant spouses. Drop everything and spend huge sums to sit in a sauna for a weekend. On your own. Presumably the person who suggests the spa cure-all has the time and money for this as they've gone non-contact with all their relatives for an imagined slight and have fed their family for a month on a single corn fed organic chicken.

The trouble with the cottage is that fine it's a Christmas present for the parents (of some of the people going to the cottage) but it's very expensive and causes a lot of travel and disruption for everyone except the parents. For an ordinary Christmas present it seems very OTT to me.
Extended family gatherings are often better in theory than in reality.
The "I want MY family around me all weekend" mentality usually involves dragging along other people who aren't immediate family when your "children" are adults.
The cottage is a better venue for meals when kids are small and general socialising but everyone has to want to do it. Some hotels have lots of communal facilities but they tend to be expensive.
Just buying them an ordinary present and going down as individual families to visit them on a convenient weekend/s and staying in a local b&b and doing stuff together during the day on that weekend would give them more weekends with their relatives and be more flexible, and not bankrupt people.

You need to ask your parents what they would like to do and go with that or you could just give them the money. It may work better to have a day or two somewhere nice (with activities) and no partners/grandchildren.

My dm would be very disappointed to find a weekend with the children and grandchildren had been reduced to a meal in a hotel.
She would be polite when you told her that a cottage was too expensive and db was a total meanie and not fair, so you'd organised a hotel instead. But she would be very disappointed.

If they've been told their present is a weekend at a cottage with everyone then telling them it's changed is rather rude. "that spa break I was going to give you is too expensive so I've bought a paddling pool instead".

If the OP wants to be fair to her parents and find out if they genuinely don't mind, she should offer them a free choice. As in "we could do a weekend at a self catering cottage, or you can stay a weekend at a hotel and we'll all join you for a meal".
Not "the choice is a cottage that's really too expensive and only meanie bro likes as it's totally impractical; or this gorgeous lovely hotel with a fantastic deal that we're all desperately keen on."

DeeWe the problem with the cottage isn't that it's too expensive but they can't get the timing right for everyone to attend. The OP can't keep her kids off school on Friday and her DH has to work on Sunday (I think). The hotel was a more flexible option.

WhirlyTwos don't be so nasty; it may not be much money to you but it clearly is to the OP. Lucky you if you regard £400 as a trifle .

Pepperpot99 , I'm not being nasty, so you can stop the pearl-clutching.

I am being entirely pragmatic when I point out that £200 is a relatively small amount of money over which to risk alienating family. Which it is, even to those who have to watch the pennies. Unless they don't like their family much of course.

And tbf, it cannot be a huge amount to the op either, if they routinely spend that every Xmas on one present for their parents.

If you want to cause an in-thread argumentative derailment, can I suggest you do it with some logic please?

My parents would be disappointed about the cottage too.

What did your parents say?

The OP is being selfish. I would think about how much money I am saving by my parents very generously looking after the DCs for free, and err on the side of generosity when planning a present for them.
And next time, discuss fully at the decision making stage, rather than changing arrangements when they've already been made.
In OP's place I would put up with the cost graciously at this stage, but broach the subject of next year's present early and ensure it is something everyone is happy with.

TheReason what did you decide to do? Nightmare situation and utterly ridiculous situation for you with the DC and hardly any money. Have you found a cheaper option?