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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can wear and buy whatever I want?

303 replies

Whoiswrong · 15/08/2015 14:34

I have just got into a fight with one of my very good friends and a whole load of feelings were let out and I'm not sure which one of us was reasonable and should apologise, but I feel quite angry and attacked.

I went to visit her (along with another of our mutual close friend) at her place for a girls night in. I finished work late so went straight to hers , which is quite usual anyway. I get there, she looks me up and down, rolls her eyes and walks off 5 the kitchen. I shouted after and asked what the problem was. She said and I quote "is that a new bag? Again? " I ofcourse answered honestly and said yes and then got excited with my other friend who was checking out my bag.

Anyway, this led to friend A talking about how I always show off and buy ridiculously expensive things when I know that she is struggling and can't afford it. She then started listing all the things I have recently bought and how much they cost.

The most annoying part which made me angry was that she started going on about how she works 2 jobs and much harder than me and yet can't afford all these things and is struggling to feed her kids. She knows damn well that I work very hard in a pressured role and have made many sacrifices for my career. Anyway, after I also said some home truths, I stormed out and I believe friend B made her excuses to leave too. Please tell me she is in the wrong and I am justified to feel angry !

OP posts:
Original poster
Whoiswrong · 15/08/2015 14:35

I am using the app , and quite angry, so apologies for any typos

OP posts:
Happy36 · 15/08/2015 14:37

Your friend was being unreasonable. Clearly, she is very jealous of your disposable income.

LindyHemming · 15/08/2015 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RJnomore · 15/08/2015 14:39

Well can you afford these things or are you in debt and do you moan to her about your finances?

RJnomore · 15/08/2015 14:41

Sorry I misread SHE is struggling.

In that case yanbu but a bit of sensitivity might not go astray.

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2015 14:41

If you can afford them, why shouldn't you buy them?

What has your new handbag got to do with her being broke?

The only time I could understand her behaviour is if she lent you some money, you refused to give it back and then you went out and bought luxuries.

Berthatydfil · 15/08/2015 14:43

YABU and should go to her house wearing a sack with your belongings in a tesco carrier bag ........or maybe not.

She is BVU and jealous

thefourgp · 15/08/2015 14:44

Your friend is in the wrong. You can spend the money you earn on whatever you want. She sounds jealous and bitter. When people are struggling with their job they are often dismissive of how hard others work and take out their frustrations on those closest to them. Give it a few days for you both to calm down then meet for a coffee and a chat. Good friends sometimes fall out but you can make up and move on from this. Good luck. X

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 15/08/2015 14:45

Your friend was obviously in the wrong, however why did you feel the need to jump straight into 'telling her a few home truths'? If my friend blew up on me out of the blue like that, I'd have certainly left, but when things calmed down, I'd explain how it was not OK to have a go at someone for having disposable income, you'd like an apology, but is there anything on her mind that caused such an outburst? Sounds to me she has some severe worries, and it came out in the worst way.

If it's just plain old jealousy though, I'd probably reconsider the friendship, we all live different lives - I'm sure she has things going on that you wish you had but don't due to work or such.

Morganly · 15/08/2015 14:48

Well yes, she was out of order and of course you can spend your hard earned cash on whatever you choose. However, if she is having a really a hard time at the moment and this is out of character maybe cut her some slack. If she's genuinely struggling to feed her kids despite working two jobs, I can sort of see how it could grate.

Rivercam · 15/08/2015 14:52

It sounds like something has irked her, and seeing your new bag, just made it worst. Maybe she was having a bad day, had unexpected bills to pay, etc. If you want to salvage the friendship, I would apologise and say that you didn't mean to upset her by having a new bag, and ask whether there was something upsetting her. Her anger probably wasn't aimed at you, but unfortunately you were the recipient of whatever was bothering her.

I not saying she was right with her outburst, but it's probably hiding much deeper concerns.

VivaLaPersistence · 15/08/2015 14:52

Of course YANBU and she was BU but if this is a one off I'd be really concerned about how much she's struggling as it's clearly getting her down and she's not thinking straight. Give her a while to cool off then let her know you're worried about her. When I was financially on my arse my good friend recognised how much I was struggling and sat with me and made lists to help me better organise my finances.

ImperialBlether · 15/08/2015 14:52

If she is struggling, could you give her something of yours that you no longer need? Could you treat her children to a new outfit?

suzannefollowmyvan · 15/08/2015 14:53

she thinks you dont deserve to have more than she has

she is trying to put you back in your place by spinning things and making out that you are a bad person, ie a show off who is deliberately trying to put her down.

EponasWildDaughter · 15/08/2015 14:57

Hmmm. I dunno. Imagine this:

My friend spends a lot on things like handbags and frivolous things. I admit i find it hard to see this when i'm also working but am really struggling finacially. So much so that i struggle to feed my kids. I invited this friend plus another over for a girly night in recently, and when she arrived she'd turned up with yet another expensive new hand bag on her arm, and then got all excited showing it off and talking about it to my other friend in front of me.

I got upset and said she always seems to be able to buy such nice things. She seemed to deny it so i listed a few of the things she's spend a fortune on just lately. She said some unpleasant things to me and stormed out.

Was i being U to say what i felt?

Mintyy · 15/08/2015 14:57

"and then got excited with my other friend who was checking out my bag."

I expect this was the part that set her off and tbh I would find that sort of conversation extremely mind-numbing to witness, and I don't even have any money worries.

VivaLaPersistence · 15/08/2015 14:57

Also, it depends what you said when you were 'telling her a few home truths' as to whether you should apologise or not.

Thisismyfirsttime · 15/08/2015 15:02

What did you say to her?

Follyfoot · 15/08/2015 15:02

i'm curious how the friend knows about all the things you have bought recently and how much they cost. Have you been telling her? If you have, that puts a different spin on things. If not then I'd put it down to her having a really tough time financially and try to sort things out with her.

AuntyMag10 · 15/08/2015 15:03

Yanbu at all, you owe her bugger all. If she's struggling must you walk around in rags for her to feel betterConfused
And given her pathetic reaction, she deserved the home truths whatever they were. People like this, bitter about other people being better off usually stay in their miserable situation because they are too concerned about the next person.

dollius · 15/08/2015 15:04

I am going against the herd here. If she is struggling and you know this, why on earth would you want to flaunt your expensive new hand bags at her? I think maybe you have been insensitive.

YouTheCat · 15/08/2015 15:05

Sounds like you were both unreasonable.

AuntyMag10 · 15/08/2015 15:06

Dollius are you serious? The op went straight from work. Was she supposed to dash home, change her bag and clothes if she wore something expensive to make her friend feel betterConfused

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2015 15:09

I think it's pretty obvious she's in the wrong from what you've told us.

How does she know the prices of everything you've bought though?

YouTheCat · 15/08/2015 15:09

How would the friend know the intimate details of OP's handbags unless price/make etc were constantly being discussed?

I wouldn't know if my friends had new stuff because it's not something we generally talk about.