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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I can wear and buy whatever I want?

303 replies

Whoiswrong · 15/08/2015 14:34

I have just got into a fight with one of my very good friends and a whole load of feelings were let out and I'm not sure which one of us was reasonable and should apologise, but I feel quite angry and attacked.

I went to visit her (along with another of our mutual close friend) at her place for a girls night in. I finished work late so went straight to hers , which is quite usual anyway. I get there, she looks me up and down, rolls her eyes and walks off 5 the kitchen. I shouted after and asked what the problem was. She said and I quote "is that a new bag? Again? " I ofcourse answered honestly and said yes and then got excited with my other friend who was checking out my bag.

Anyway, this led to friend A talking about how I always show off and buy ridiculously expensive things when I know that she is struggling and can't afford it. She then started listing all the things I have recently bought and how much they cost.

The most annoying part which made me angry was that she started going on about how she works 2 jobs and much harder than me and yet can't afford all these things and is struggling to feed her kids. She knows damn well that I work very hard in a pressured role and have made many sacrifices for my career. Anyway, after I also said some home truths, I stormed out and I believe friend B made her excuses to leave too. Please tell me she is in the wrong and I am justified to feel angry !

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/08/2015 17:25

I think you've misunderstood that, Atenco - I don't think the OP went on about giving her or her children stuff in her "home truths", she said "support", not "financial support" - there are other ways to support people going through break ups!

Whois - I think it would be an idea to talk to Friend B to see if she has any background on what caused this, but I think you should be the one to talk to Friend A, in all seriousness. I agree that she has things to apologise for, and probably worse than you do - but you do have stuff to apologise for too.
So if you can find it in you, after you've spoken to Friend B, and once your anger has abated, perhaps you should phone Friend A and apologise for your home truths, ask her again if there's anything going on that caused that mad rant, and then leave it up to her to go from there. If she's still huffy with you, then you may have to leave it entirely - and if she refuses to apologise for her part in it, then you may have to rethink your continuing friendship with her. :(

Original poster
Whoiswrong · 15/08/2015 17:26

Atenco I have never said anything about what I buy them - wouldn't even think to say that to her because I do that freely. I said it here in response to a PP. Yes, I will apologise for what I said though -I was far too harsh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whoiswrong · 15/08/2015 17:28

Thumb thankyouSmile. That is exactly what I'll do. I'm not angry anymore - just baffled and upset. My DH isn't here to talk to and I don't think I'll be telling him yet anyway.

OP posts:
BlankSpaceBaby7 · 15/08/2015 17:32

Well she shouldn't have gone off on one but she obviously feels under pressure struggling to feed her kids after going through a divorce.

Your home truths where very harsh though. Telling her that you blame her equally for her divorce whilst she's struggling because she is now a single parent is really not nice at all

YouTheCat · 15/08/2015 17:34

Why is it her fault her marriage went tits up?

Is her ex paying maintenance?

I bet she's in bits.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/08/2015 17:35

I can see both sides of the coin. It must get her down working 2 jobs and still struggling. The green eyed monster is bound to rear it's head at some point,
However that is not your fault and yes you should be in fact you are entitled to spend your money how you like, and if my friend hurled abuse at me like that. I would walk out fuming, anyone would but I think when I cooled off. I would rationalise it as she was having a down day.

BlankSpaceBaby7 · 15/08/2015 17:35

Cross posts!

Original poster
Whoiswrong · 15/08/2015 17:36

Can I please say for the record that her kids would NEVER go hungry, not as long as I (and friend B) can help it. We truly love them and could not watch them go hungry. I am certain it was a turn of phrase (at least that's what I choose to believe). I fully accept that my home truths were harsh - I was just very angry/hurt at the time.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 15/08/2015 17:40

Should have posted this in style and beauty

You're allowed to like or get excited about new shit over there Grin

She was rude, you got defensive and bit back but frankly it sounds like she'd been snarking at you for a while.

Hope she apologises. It is hard to struggle and see others do well - but she didn't handle it well.

Flowers
Original poster
Whoiswrong · 15/08/2015 17:40

You He's not working at the moment - which contributed to the divorce. I don't really wish to go into her part in it (urs not her fault, but she is not free of blame).

ilive I do try to help whenever I can because I understand how hard it is, but I don't have much time you see

OP posts:
BackInTheRealWorld · 15/08/2015 17:41

I'm far poorer than any of my friends. It hasn't even crossed my mind to tell them off for flaunting their wealth by driving to my house in their more expensive cars. For having the audacity to live in nice houses. For having the unbridled cheek to go on foreign holidays.
I need to go kick their wealthy arses.

Original poster
Whoiswrong · 15/08/2015 17:41

Laurie I knew I wasn't alone in liking bags ! Thanks :)

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 15/08/2015 17:46

So her marriage has fallen apart.

Her ex pays nothing.

Can you not see why she's so stressed and has more to think about than bags?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/08/2015 17:54

Her husband pays no maintenance.
It begs the question, where's Dastardly Dave and his dear old cronies now. Seems they're only good at targeting the RP. While the NRP gets a bloody walk over.
Sorry not my intention to turn this into a political debate but it had to be said

MrsHathaway · 15/08/2015 17:59

She's struggling to make ends meet, and can only do so with your help. If you don't have children I don't think you can understand how inadequate that could make her feel.

Then you told her that her situation is her own fault because she makes bad decisions?!

I wouldn't have stayed in the same building tbh, and I doubt I'd want you to visit again. I'd throw your clothes for the children in your face.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 15/08/2015 17:59

What bag was it?

Original poster
Whoiswrong · 15/08/2015 18:06

you and mrshathaeay are you reading the right thread ? I didn't show her my bag. SHE saw it and come ted on it first. So clearly she has the time for bags - I was too tired to even be thinking about it. Also, I told her that AFTER she attacked me so my comment is not the reason for the attack. I have also never mentioned the things I buy her or her kids. Please read the full thread .

ilive haha not really my area of expertise. All I know is he lost his job and so cant pay.

NoArmani and other who have asked, it was a Birkin - a gift from my husband. It's a well known bag to those who love bags and hence why she knew the cost so easily.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whoiswrong · 15/08/2015 18:07

Wow. So many typos. Hope it makes sense

OP posts:
CluckingBelle · 15/08/2015 18:11

You say she was in a similar position to friend B before becoming a single parent? So how has she made so many 'wrong choices' aside from the breakdown of her marriage?

It's bloody hard work being a single parent, and juggling work/parenting guilt/finances becomes so much harder when the other parent doesn't contribute. I bet she feels worlds apart from you and friend b, whose biggest worry appears to be which accessory to buy with a handbag.

I think you should apologise.

HolidayHeidi · 15/08/2015 18:16

Oh I'm impressed then and no doubt she was too under all the jealous and barbed comments. What colour and size did you get?

CluckingBelle · 15/08/2015 18:22

Now I've seen how much your bag is likely to have cost then I sympathise with her even more. You should have asked if she was ok/given her a hug/gave a fuck about how inferior she must have been feeling as opposed to ' telling her about herself'. Her blow up was clearly much deeper than about a handbag. I think you've forgotten where you came from.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 15/08/2015 18:33

My best friend has just had a holiday across the U.S., has several expensive handbags and some decidedly blingy watches. I'm in a council house on benefits and am worried we might be penniless in a few weeks due to some crap circumstances. I'm nothing but happy for her.

Your friend is a dick, regardless of her situation. She needs to look to her own life and not snipe about yours. Truly pathetic.

Original poster
Whoiswrong · 15/08/2015 18:33

clucking yes she was - her ex was employed when they were still together and she left work(friend B nd her partner both work) so it evened out about the same. I'm sorry for not explaining in detail, I was trying to avoid a lengthy post. And believe me - that is not my biggest worry, but this was mrant to be a fun night so I was not going to talk about the crap in my life.

clucking I truly don't see why my bag matters. And I don't believe you would have been so kind after being attacked by your dearest friend. Also, please read my previous comments before you say I have forgotten where I came from. Where did I come from btw?

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/08/2015 18:34

Well I hope they're hounding him to get a job. Like they do with lone parents.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/08/2015 18:34

Clucking - the OP DID ask her friend what was wrong, if she was ok. Got the barrage of abuse in return.

And you have to accept that the OP knows more about her friend's circs than you do, and doesn't wish to share them on here, and nor should she be under any pressure to do so.