To think my SIL needs to do one. Inheritance issue.

[Lostlight]

We have a complicated family set up and a very contentious inheritance issue blowing up in my family.

I have three brothers. My parents died in very tragic circumstances when I was a child and my paternal grandparents brought us up. We are all adults.
My eldest brother took his own life when he was in his twenties and left a small child without parents, the child's mother was not on the scene.
I adopted my nephew and have brought him up as my own. He is my ds1. I have another ds, ds2

I am a lone parent and hold down three jobs to support my kids. Money is A huge struggle. The family promised to support ds1 financially when I adopted him, they didn't. Their loss.
I am also my elderly grandparents carers, spending a significant amount of my time caring for them. I do this with love and unconditionally.

Of My two surviving brothers, one is single and one is married with three children. Married brother is financially comfortable.

My grandparents are talking wills. They want to divide their estate thus:
One quarter to single DH
One quarter to married dh
One quarter to me
One quarter to ds1. What would have been my dbs share had he not died.

My SIL has had hysterics,she wants either
One third to each surviving sibling
Or (her preferred option)
One fifth to each great grandchild. In effect 3/5ths of the estate to her family and 2/5ths to mine!

I hate all this talk. It's notour money, but I do feel that my ds1 should get his fathers share, he had a crap start and is thriving with me. We are poor but happy and I think this would give him a good start when he gets to adulthood. I would like it put into a trust. I am a bit pissed off that the promised financial help was not forthcoming but I don't get help with ds2 either. You win some, you lose some. I believe it is astonishing bad taste to even consider negotiating with GPs. I would rather they just did what they want, as long as ds1 is not hurt emotionally.

AIBU to think my SIL Is a money grabbing cow and should cherish my wonderful Grandparents instead of trying to manipulate them into benefitting her? I really don't care about the money and think that counting their cash before they die is in shockingly bad taste?

A side issue, for another Aibu, is SIL always makes a point of referring to ds1 as my nephew, coughs, giggles then refers to him as my ds. I actually hate the bitch, but ds1 and 2 love my brother and cousins and want to remain in touch.

How vile to try and take money from a little boy who has list both parents .

Truly shocking but nothing surprises me when money is involved.

The grandparents mustn't split it her way to keep the peace, that's stealing from a child who has already lost his parents.
She's a greedy, cold hearted cow.

Families and money

The 1/4 suggestion is completely fair she is a grabby cow who has no business interfering.

To me, the original will, splitting between 3 living siblings and your son seems the best, most fair option. It means single brother will get a share and your other son will benefit through you.

SIL is a nasty, grabby scumbag. Surely GP's must know they are comfortable financially if DB has a good job? Pisstake. The reason she is doing it is because she sees it as you will be getting half of everything and she will only be getting a quarter iyswim, even though its DS's money not yours.

Will needs to be sorted and left with solicitors before your GP's are no longer able as i'm sure she will contest the will saying they weren't capable of making decision or that you were manipulating them on all your visits.

Speak to your DB, tell him her behaviour is not on and that her obvious greed is disgusting, and that if he wants to share HIS inheritance between his DC then thats up to him, and why should other DB miss out just because he has no DC yet.

I agree that the split should allow your DS1 to inherit a quarter. But more importantly I think any contact with SIL could be immensely damaging and confusing for your DS1. Perhaps you could explain that to the GPs?

The quarter division sounds fairer to me, if it goes to the great-grandchildren only one of your brothers will miss out completely!

One of my DH's grandparents did this - they had two surviving children (A&B) and the will was split equally. When B died, the will was amended to leave one half to the surviving child A and the other half was split between the surviving grandchildren (the children of B). I thought it was lovely.

Your SIL is totally out of order. The 1/4 split is absolutely fair.

She sounds awfully persistent and not one to let things lie. I think you need to be prepared for her to contest the will after your GPs die.

Can you ask your GPS to see a very good solicitor to ensure their wishes are not undermined? Might be a good idea to take some legal advice now yourself to see what legal measures would protect your son's share in the event of the will being contested.

How sad she is like this, but at least you know what to expect.

Wills can be so depressing - they so often bring out the worst in people.

This sort of dispute crops up regularly on MN and threads are often very divided. I hope you are heartened, OP, that this one seems unanimously in your favour. Division of the estate by four is clearly the just thing to do and also what your grandparents want to do. I hope they stick to their guns.

Perhaps your GPs should consider giving your married brothers share to his kids & bypassing your SIL!!

Tbh, I can't help thinking that you should get somthing from your deceasd brothers share for bringing up his child, although I'm sure that you would disagree.

The quarter share does seem the most fair.

The poor boy is only getting it instead of his dad for the saddest of reasons.

But while cutting her off, don't cut others would be my recommendation, as these things can gave unforeseen consequences and having battled to give your DSs stability, don't let it be undermined further. They need to know that family will be there, even if some are awful.

This is what has prevented me from cutting her off before. A lot of what she says is passive aggressive third party shite. Like " oh ds1 you have a new phone" ds1 " mum wouldn't let me have the more expensive one" SIL" well we can't all have what we want can we? " shoots knowing looks at DB. " I want a six bed roomed barn conversion, but that won't happen! Life is unfair ds1, family lets you down sometimes"

DB that died was a very troubled man. He had lots of problems and my grandparents did suffer quite a bit due to his various issues. They invested a lot of time and effort into making him better, he cost them a lot emotionally. He was a older than me, so I could only help a little as I was growing up. DB SIL husband was the family spoilt brat, the youngest and spoilt rotten. He is weak. I suspect that he silently encourages her for a myriad of reasons. Quiet life, resentment towards my elder brother. He sees himself in missing out a lot due to elder DB actions and demands. Additionally he is jealous that DB knew parents longer.

Single DB is quite selfish also. I don't get on with him well. Another anything for a quiet life as long as I get my share.

My SIL has often referred to my parents " missing money" and for a while passively aggressively pondered the fate of their money when they died. There was no money. Pence I believe. Grabby bitch.

My df has several siblings, all retired, comfortable and perfectly happy for dgp to provide for what they consider to be much younger siblings.

I really am unconcerned about the money, my main concern is ds1. The only request I have made is that my share is locked up tight in a trust, half each for ds one and two.

Thank you all for the support. X

I'm fairly sure the 1/4 each is how it would be divided should your gp die intestate?

I had a relative die, childless. Their estate was divided up and as you say, any shares for deceased relatives went to their offspring.

My mil suggested leaving everything to her grandchildren. Bil has two kids, dh has two from his first marriage and two with me. I personally felt it was fairer to leave half each to the dh and Bil.

Tbh, I can't help thinking that you should get somthing from your deceasd brothers share for bringing up his child, although I'm sure that you would disagree.

I would disagree, but thank you for the sentiment.

My ds1 is my pride and joy and I love him so much it hurts. I love my ds2 equally. Ds2 father disowned him before he was born so I had no help there either.

I have struggled financially since ds1 came along and still do to this day. Ds1 and 2 are lovely, clever and well mannered children and have been brought up to be unselfish and giving.

I am convinced that when they are adults and financially secure they will look after their old mum.

Ds1 looks like me, we have a strong family resemblance in our family, so unless ds shares we don't tell people he is my birth nephew. However people often comment how strongly attached to me and how much my sons clearly love me. That is enough for me.

It never occurred to me that ds1 would be accommodated anywhere other than within the family. I came forward straight away, I was a bit shocked that my DB and SIL never even mentioned being able to consider accommodating him. Not that I would have allowed it.

For clarity. Ds1 is 14 and ds 2 is 12. Just mentioning this because it illustrates how stable our relationship is. He has been with me since he was a baby.

In response to dying intestate. My gp have other children who support their decision to divide amongst my df children.

Dying intestate means SIL would get about one sixth. Go are getting older and frailer so there may not be any money for SIL to grab.

So, do you think that your sil believes that you/your ds1 have somehow benefited from a secret legacy from your deceased brother and that that would somehow negate any claim to another inheritance? Not saying that would be right, even if it were the case, but might explain some of her digs.

Not one sixth, one quarter of one sixth!

Lostlight, you have done your very best for your sons so far, don't let your greedy SIL (she's not even a blood relative of your GPs for gods sake!) disadvantage your eldest son. I'm flabbergasted that she even can argue with a straight face. The only advice I'd give to your GPs if to put the money for SILs kids into trust so the little horror can't get to it.

No clam, I think she thinks gps pocketed it to fund bringing us all up! How unfair.

She just hates missing out on anything and constantly looks over people's shoulders to see what they have that she doesn't. She is massively jealous and entitled and spoilt and vile.

Clam, that was in reference to my parents estate. My DB left a bunch of debts and a whole heap of trouble. Even SIL acknowledges that!

Lostlight, I have been a mnetter for a good few years. Rarely do I read a thread that makes me so bloody angry. For your SIL to be stropping about the wills of two GPs who are still alive - well it is downright shocking and disgusting. She should be ashamed of herself.

Also rarely do I get gushy but you sound lovely, absolutely lovely. I'm sure your GPs are incredibly proud of the person you are. Keep your chin up and don't let that ghastly woman spoil what should be precious times with your boys and your fabulous GPs.

That's the way it should be - they had four children; if one died his money should go to his heir.

This. Went through my mind immediately. SIL is being grabby.

I think this might be the first time I’ve ever seen total agreement on an AIBU? Congratulations to your grandparents for getting this so right.

I think you should remind your SIL that she could get run over by a bus tomorrow and the GPs could be around for another 20 years.
Horrible cow.

She is a money grabbing cow and if anyone disputed your brothers son receiving his fathers inheritance then they are odious.
What is your brother saying?
And to be frank she has absolutely no say, she is only family by marriage.