To think a 7yo is too young to go out unsupervised? Please help!

[QueenMas]

Please help, I feel sick.

I have just found out that when DD is at her Dad's, he allows her to go to the park on her own with her friends. She only turned 7 a couple of weeks ago, going into year 3 in Sept.

Her father lives semi rurally, on an estate in a quiet village. There isn't much around apart from fields and a couple of shops. I live in Greater London, so a big difference.

I wasn't entirely comfortable with him allowing her to "play out"; although come to terms with it as the children play on the green directly outside their houses (which are in a semi circle), and they have floor to ceiling windows at the front of the house so can be watched at all times.

But now, I find out that she goes to the park without him. It's only around the corner, however it means crossing a road and of course she is completely out of sight while there. AIBU to think this is inappropriate for a (just turned!) 7yo?

I have tried to speak to him about it, he does not see the problem. He hates me so much, he takes anything I say as "causing trouble" rather than thinking of our DD's safety! He eventually "agreed" not to let her go, but I don't trust that for a second, he lies constantly. He is spiteful and would tell DD not to tell me. Only last week, I had to take DD to A&E after she fell off her bike, I thought she had broken something. I called and called, and text to tell him. He did not reply. Who doesn't reply when their child is being taken to hospital?! But he was annoyed with me so didn't care.

I've sent him a video to try and show him my concerns
although I doubt he will watch. As well as stranger danger, I worry about her crossing the road. About not being "briefed" correctly about what to do in an emergency. I feel that she is FAR too young to be out and about unsupervised, she was only 6 a couple of weeks ago fgs!

What can I do? Other than stopping contact, but is that reasonable? I feel this is neglecting my daughter

[Pardonwhat]

I honestly believe most 7 year olds are capable of going to the park alone.

[RoobyTuesday]

I started to allow ds1 to go off to the park with his friends as soon as he was old enough not only to tell the time but to have a concept of it. So I could say 'be back in an hour' and he would roughly know what an hour was, check his watch and come back. He was about 8 if remember rightly. Prior to that he walked to school with friends and played out in the street in front of the house from about 7.
I did feel very anxious about it the first few times but figured I just had to let him have his independence, all his friends started doing it about the same age.
What are your daughters friends doing? Do they play out on their own? I would go with what the majority of other parents (who you think are pretty sensible and like minded) and go with that.
I would add though that my ds was very familiar with the local area, everyone on the estate knows him and he would have plenty of doors to knock on if something happened. I do think it's important for the child to be very familiar with the local area before they start going out and about unattended.

[Sallystyle]

I let my boy's out at age 7 to the park around the corner and play a few streets down.

I do not let me 8 year old daughter do the same. Simply because she isn't as 'street wise' as my boy's were. She is extremely smart but when it comes to crossing roads and keeping herself safe she still lacks common sense. I allow her to the park as there is no road to cross but she is not allowed to go any further. If I let her then that would be bad parenting because I know she is not yet ready for it.

So for me it is not so much an age thing, but a personality thing. I would be more comfortable with my 6 and a half year old playing out unsupervised than I would my 8 year old due to their personalities.

[MintJulip]

pardon

If there was no one else in the park my dc year old may be OK but then she always gets into enough scrapes just on the climbing stuff, let alone with anyone else added in.

[Singsongsung]

It's worth pointing out that the alternative to kids going alone to the park is kids going with a parent to a park. There seems to be on MN a general stance that if you don't let your kids out alone then you are clearly forcing them to watch TV 24/7. I've just got back from the park with my 9 year old who I've watched skipping, running, climbing trees etc. She enjoyed it and, you know what, so did I!

[chaiselounger]

I don't understand your concern.
You sound very PFB.
Or bitter against ex. I'm not sure if it is one of the above or both.

[alleypalley]

I think your dad was laid back letting you out in London at age 10. I wouldn't allow mine out until 16 if I lived there.

• Seriously? We're in zone 1 and I've just sent my 10yr old dd to the shop for milk, she walks to Guides on her own, and is allowed to the park with friends, and even walks her 5 yr old sister to school, although that is just the end of the road. We don't have a garden so they both play out in the street.
  

OP I think the situation you have described is fine. As a child I lived in Berlin when I was 7 and we were always playing out unsupervised.

[Shelby2010]

If exH has only just moved their & DD is only there every other weekend, then I think it may be optimistic for previous posters to talk about her going off with 'an established group of friends' who would look out for each other. For example, if the other children decide to leave the park for somewhere else DD would have to decide whether to go with them or stay/walk home on her own. I doubt exH knows who the friends (or their parents) are, or what the general rules are for where the local children are allowed to roam.

At that age I was allowed out to play so don't have a fundemental problem with it. However, it may be that the OP's DD isnt ready for that degree of independence or that exH hasn't taken the time to assess the situation properly. For example, when I was a kid, the local park was where the teenagers went to smoke fags & drink alcohol, so not somewhere I'd want a child of mine going without an adult. Not suggesting all rural parks are dens of iniquity though!

[ThatBloodyWoman]

Wondered how long it'd be before someone came out with PFB

Why can different parenting decisions not be discussed without someone having to belittle anothers decisions?

[chaiselounger]

Because PFB is what I myself consider to be a perfect acronym to what I consider over zealous and previous behaviour.

Why is it not ok to use this word?

[GoofyIsACow]

Wow, i am amazed how many people let their 7 year olds go off unsupervised. I don't mean that in a derogatory way, i am genuinely shocked as I look at my 7 year old who seems such a baby!

We are very rural, country lanes with no pavements. There is a way for him to walk to school through two fields safely though so I may consider sending him maybe after christmas on his own that way.

It seems such a way off, i sent him out to our car this morning whilst i was in an office filling in some forms, i gave him the keys and off he went. When we got back two doors were wide open, he hadn't even bothered to close the car doors never mind lock it.

He lives in a bloody dream world!

I must admit (and I am not being critical)in the Conley Thompson case, i immediately thought, what the hell was a 7 year old doing walking two miles alone! However it seems it is more common than I think.

Maybe I am over protective, all children are different I guess...

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Yanbu OP, I would hate it, I think just turned 7 is way too young to be round the corner out of sight.

I'm not sure you can stop it though unfortunately.

[Bing0wings]

I dont think you are being unreasonable. My DH nearly got abducted when he was 10 and he was with his brother who was 8. DH willingly went off cos man asked help with carrying stuff. DH's brother ran off to get childminder cos he sensed there was something wrong about the stranger. CHildminder caught them just in time before they disappeared into woods (man ran off)! So no I wouldn't be happy letting a 7 year old go off to park on own.

[BertrandRussell]

"must admit (and I am not being critical)in the Conley Thompson case, i immediately thought, what the hell was a 7 year old doing walking two miles alone! However it seems it is more common than I think"

Yeah- because being alone on a building site two miles from home is exactly the same as being in the park round the corner with a crowd of village children........

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Didn't he start off with a group of friends Bertrand ?

[GoofyIsACow]

Well yes Bertrand it is very different, I imagined there would have been mass slating of their parenting choices and thought how awful that would have been for them as obviously no parent expects that to happen, but I didn't witness any and I wondered if that was because I was being over protective iyswim

[chaiselounger]

It depends doesn't it? On the child. If on the group. If there was a group of 5 kids with a couple of older ones who doted on the younger child, then I would have no concerns about letting ds2 going off with them.

Only the father could tell us THAT info about the dynamics of the group though.

[Bing0wings]

Stats on a website for 2011/2012 show 247 cases of abducted by stranger.
206 children abducted by someone they know (but not a relative).
I don't know how reliable the source is. It also says not all attempted abductions are reported so the actual number will be more.

[chaiselounger]

My sil lives in one of these 'estates' / cul-de-sacs type housing that has 3 or 4 parks in it. All the kids 6-15 go to play there.
She feels comfortable letting her 2 go for short periods.
Sounds fine to me.

[Bing0wings]

We've had a few over the last few weeks in the local area that made local news but not national, so yes I can beleive that nationally we get 5 a week. This number includes attempted abductions including assault or attempted assault.