To think a 7yo is too young to go out unsupervised? Please help!

[QueenMas]

Please help, I feel sick.

I have just found out that when DD is at her Dad's, he allows her to go to the park on her own with her friends. She only turned 7 a couple of weeks ago, going into year 3 in Sept.

Her father lives semi rurally, on an estate in a quiet village. There isn't much around apart from fields and a couple of shops. I live in Greater London, so a big difference.

I wasn't entirely comfortable with him allowing her to "play out"; although come to terms with it as the children play on the green directly outside their houses (which are in a semi circle), and they have floor to ceiling windows at the front of the house so can be watched at all times.

But now, I find out that she goes to the park without him. It's only around the corner, however it means crossing a road and of course she is completely out of sight while there. AIBU to think this is inappropriate for a (just turned!) 7yo?

I have tried to speak to him about it, he does not see the problem. He hates me so much, he takes anything I say as "causing trouble" rather than thinking of our DD's safety! He eventually "agreed" not to let her go, but I don't trust that for a second, he lies constantly. He is spiteful and would tell DD not to tell me. Only last week, I had to take DD to A&E after she fell off her bike, I thought she had broken something. I called and called, and text to tell him. He did not reply. Who doesn't reply when their child is being taken to hospital?! But he was annoyed with me so didn't care.

I've sent him a video to try and show him my concerns
although I doubt he will watch. As well as stranger danger, I worry about her crossing the road. About not being "briefed" correctly about what to do in an emergency. I feel that she is FAR too young to be out and about unsupervised, she was only 6 a couple of weeks ago fgs!

What can I do? Other than stopping contact, but is that reasonable? I feel this is neglecting my daughter

[Verbena37]

I think if your ex is letting her go there for hours and hours rather than him care for her, It's him being lazy and irresponsible. She was only 7 a few weeks ago and a child at 7 will not (in general) be able to mentally cope with issues that might arise.

As others have said, if she is playijg with children much older than herself, I'd be concerned too. My son is 10 and I let him go to the park next door to our garden but keep checking him every ten minutes. I know though that he is pretty streetwise and knows my rules on different situations. At 7 though, I doubt your dd would remember what to do if she got into trouble.

Have you asked her how she feels when she's at the park? If she feels scared etc....because that also makes a difference.

[Aeroflotgirl]

It is tricky, as he is her parent and has as much right to bring up did how he sees fit. I usually err on the side of caution and myself would not let children still in single figures out without a responsible adult alone. How is he usually with her safety? Is he quite good or is he very lax and there have been concerns in the past?

[QueenBitchFromHell]

If she is with a group of children who know to stick together. how to cross the road safely and what to do if someone hurts them self I'd not have a problem with it.

[Singsongsung]

At 7 (just) there's absolutely no need for a child to be away from nearby adult supervision. Independence is many layered and doesn't develop simply by opening a door and saying "go and play". This part time dad should get out there with his young daughter and have fun with her!

[QueenBitchFromHell]

Yabu to even consider stopping contact because of this though.

[Theycallmemellowjello]

I think you are completely justified in your concern. I would not like this, especially in a relatively isolated spot. And in any case, things like this, ie fairly major parenting choices, have to be a joint decision between parents. Could you address it through mediation?

[haggisaggis]

How busy is the road they're crossing and what is normal for where he is? We used to live semi-rurally. There was a small playpark at end of our road (out of sight). All the kids from the estate played there unsupervised from around 6 ish.

[TwinkieTwinkle]

Had to get the part time dad in there , eh sing?

I played without supervision at seven, I turned out fine. My ds did, he's just turned nine and it did him no harm. He's also incredibly sensible and it is frequently mentioned by school and other parents.

[WorraLiberty]

Lordy. She's going to be in Junior school in a few weeks!

Buy her a £10 PAYG phone from Tesco and pop yours and your ex's phone numbers in there.

And obviously continue to teach her about road safety.

[QueenMas]

It seems as though IABU

Like I said, I don't mind her playing out, but as far as I'm concerned going away from where he can see her is too much, too soon.

He has only just moved there so it's gone from always being with us, to playing out, to going to the park alone in a matter of weeks (and he only has her EOW).
She actually told me a couple of weeks ago "Daddy says I have to play out, but I don't want to". He has history of being absent, and was very EA with me when we were together. I always worry when she is there.

I highly doubt he has spoken to her about any of the safeguarding things. I need to do this as I don't believe he will be keeping a close enough eye on her. She is so young, one of the youngest in her class. She always tries to be "older" and is very easily led which terrifies me tbh.

The NSPCC website says: "Just like deciding when a child's old enough to be left at home on their own, there's no set age when you know it will be safe for them to go out without you. Obviously, toddlers and young children won't be able to stay safe without you watching over them, and even older children have different levels of maturity. So some 11 year olds will be quite capable of going to the park or the shops on their own but others might not be ready to do this safely."

She's nowhere near 11!

But it seems that it might be something I have to get used to, and bloody pray nothing happens.

[Gunpowderplot]

It's the dad's decision, unless what he is doing is clearly neglectful. In this situation, it's not. You have to live with it, and talk to your child calmly about how to reduce the (very small) risks. The dad may well have done so already.

[QueenMas]

Also to clarify I'm not considering stopping contact atm, I worded it wrongly I suppose. I meant, what can I do OTHER than that? He won't speak to me reasonably.

[KidLorneRoll]

I was happily getting a bus by myself when I was 7.

[alexpolistigers]

A play park in a quiet village, in a group of other kids? Just round the corner from the house??

What is the problem exactly??

My 7yo & 8yo will be walking to school without adult supervision come September. Why on earth not?!

[MythicalKings]

I used to go up the park when I was 7, doesn't seem unreasonable, my parents gave me the lecture about strangers, and safety.

[MammaTJ]

Round here 4 is the norm for being allowed to the park with friends.

Mine were allowed at 7.

[TwinkieTwinkle]

Well why don't you just talk to her about safety? It's relevant for when she is with you as well.

[sunseeker66]

I don't think YABU my youngest is 8 and no way she will go out with out me just yet. She is in a dreamworld most of the time.

But others at that age may be ok. It depends on how mature your dd is?

My eldest started going to the park at about age 10 with others.

[StrumpersPlunkett]

Sorry but he has an equal right to parent his child.
Fwiw playing out here is cool without parents from about 6/7 years old
Walking to the village shop with older children and going to the park at a similar but slightly older age.
We live in a quiet rural community.

[QueenBitchFromHell]

If she doesn't want to play out, that's different. why won't he just let her in the garden. Or do you think she maybe picked up on your anxiety and dislike of her playing out and so said that incase she got into trouble for liking it and going out.

[StrumpersPlunkett]

It also sounds like you won't speak to him reasonably either demanding this stops isn't being reasonable at all

[loveareadingthanks]

yabu.

A few minutes walk to a park with friends, with one quiet road to cross, is a perfect introduction to going out independently. I think 7 is fine for this. It's one of the huge pleasures of childhood and I think it's an important stage for development. I'm aghast at those who won't let children out until 9 or 10 - THAT to me is lazy parenting, putting your own feelings before the benefit to your child. I'm so sorry for the children who aren't allowed out until they are too old to do the fun stuff kids do in groups, building dens, imaginative play etc, exploring the freedom and responsibilities of not having a parental eye on them 24/7.

And how weird are the people who have taken a simple description of a park visit with friends and extrapolated to that to a father who doesn't spend time with their child, just opens the door and chucks the child out, or sends child out for 'hours and hours'.? Get a grip, none of that was stated by the OP.