To think a 7yo is too young to go out unsupervised? Please help!

[QueenMas]

Please help, I feel sick.

I have just found out that when DD is at her Dad's, he allows her to go to the park on her own with her friends. She only turned 7 a couple of weeks ago, going into year 3 in Sept.

Her father lives semi rurally, on an estate in a quiet village. There isn't much around apart from fields and a couple of shops. I live in Greater London, so a big difference.

I wasn't entirely comfortable with him allowing her to "play out"; although come to terms with it as the children play on the green directly outside their houses (which are in a semi circle), and they have floor to ceiling windows at the front of the house so can be watched at all times.

But now, I find out that she goes to the park without him. It's only around the corner, however it means crossing a road and of course she is completely out of sight while there. AIBU to think this is inappropriate for a (just turned!) 7yo?

I have tried to speak to him about it, he does not see the problem. He hates me so much, he takes anything I say as "causing trouble" rather than thinking of our DD's safety! He eventually "agreed" not to let her go, but I don't trust that for a second, he lies constantly. He is spiteful and would tell DD not to tell me. Only last week, I had to take DD to A&E after she fell off her bike, I thought she had broken something. I called and called, and text to tell him. He did not reply. Who doesn't reply when their child is being taken to hospital?! But he was annoyed with me so didn't care.

I've sent him a video to try and show him my concerns
although I doubt he will watch. As well as stranger danger, I worry about her crossing the road. About not being "briefed" correctly about what to do in an emergency. I feel that she is FAR too young to be out and about unsupervised, she was only 6 a couple of weeks ago fgs!

What can I do? Other than stopping contact, but is that reasonable? I feel this is neglecting my daughter

I don't think you're BU. I'm with sing and you I think it's too young.

Maybe I'm just looking at it from a city point of view. I've never lived in a tiny community, although the fact that there would be more people around in the city makes it more reassuring for me!

As kids, we weren't allowed out until we were around 10.

I don't know

Fully accept all comments though, I am taking it on board. I realise that I'm a very anxious person (mostly caused by her father's treatment of me but that's another story!)

QueenBitch, it won't be that as we've never spoken about her going out alone.

He does have form for palming her off during contact time, yes.

Of course you will feel a little anxious but from the description of where your child is playing it doesn't seem too dangerous at all. Providing she has been taught how to keep safe and how to cross a road then it should be ok.
She is lucky to have the opportunity that City kids don't get.
She will gain more from playing out and it will probably make her more aware and safer than children who are never allowed to play out.

In your position, I would be happy for her, being able to go out and enjoy the park unsupervised in a way that her city schoolfriends probably won't be able to.

Egosum I agree completely. I grew up in a small town, and I was always outside without parental supervision. It was fantastic.

To all of the people saying abductions are rare and they used to play out all day etc, sadly, we didn't have the problem of child trafficking and whilst it may not happen everywhere,it's certainly something to be aware of.....and not just in London or big cities. I certainly don't think the OP is BU in her concerns. From what she said about her ex, it seems he has been 'sharing the care' on her visits to him anyway.

Yes, I think it is far too young to go out unsupervised.

I feel very bad for you op. This is clearly not just going about the park unattended but your DD being told to go out to play when she doesn't want to, him having form for palming her off during his contact time and his ea towards you, all these have clearly contributed towards your feelings, which is understanable under the circumstances.

I agree OP, I wouldn't like it.

Seven is still very little. They may be generally okay to play on their own but what happens when they get into trouble and there is no adult there to help out, i.e. older children bullying or an aggressive dog.

It also puts me in mind of the tragic story of seven year old Conley Thompson. He was at the park without adult supervision but somehow ended up in a plastic pipe on a building site

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11764747/Barnsley-boy-Conley-Thompson-7-missing-after-leaving-park.html

Seven year old often lack awareness of potential danger and common sense. They are also often curious, impulsive and easily led.

I am all for encouraging age appropriate independence and challenges but wouldn't be happy with my seven year old being at the park without an adult or teenager around to keep an eye on them.

You've just described the village we live in. Park just around the corner, one road to cross etc. My dd is also 7, going into y3, although 6 months older than yours. In the last few months I've started to allow her to go to the park with her 11y old brother. The park often has a group of similar age children there. I wouldn't allow her to go by herself because I couldn't trust her to cross the road safely, however I trust her brother and he wants to take her. If your dd is going with friends and can cross the road safely I wouldn't have a problem for it.

Also I'm sure my dc would sometimes say I make them play outside when they don't want to. This is because they would sometimes much rather play on the computer or iPad all day and I'd rather they got out and had some fresh air and exercise.

Conley was an extreme case. The police and family also asked for people not to speculate about him being on his own. I suspect there was more to it than what was reported. And even if that's not true, the op is talking about a park across the road, not miles away. The situations aren't comparable.

Some of you posting on this thread would enjoy this blog:
Free Range Kids
It may give others palpitations.

FWIW, I let my DC out at about 7 (one was younger, because she was so reliable) to trot to the local shop and play in the back lane.

My son is 7, 8 in a few days time.
He will be walking to school and back by himself come September. He will be taught about safety issues (crossing the road, strangers etc) and will have a mobile in case he needs to contact us.
Neglectful me for wanting my kids to learn to be independent.
I think we are way too protective of children nowadays. I was out by myself all the time when I was 7, before mobile phones were around. I don't think the dangers to kids have increased, just people are more anxious about giving them some independence.

Personally, I think playing on the green outside - but still visible from the house - is independence enough for a just turned 7 year old.

I wouldn't want her going out of sight either. Although I would probably reconsider in 12 months' time, depending on her maturity level.

It's actually not so much for fear of abduction, although that is a risk albeit a low risk, but there's a much higher chance of an unsupervised child mucking about/copying older children and ending up injured. Or following older children & wandering even farther from home than agreed. Children tend to be more sensible when they know a parent or responsible adult might be able to see them somehow!

THey love a bit of independence though. She may not want dad sitting and watching her if the others don't.
You give boundries to them: tell an adult before going anywhere else, don't go anywhere with someone you don't know. Stick with the group (except in case of above in which case you come immediately back)

Ds started playing out with his friends last summer when he was just 7yo. They spent most of the summer holiday running round the paths with their "pop guns". Those old ones with a cork in the end which make a noise. We had a spate of oldish men coming to the door to tell me with great delight how they'd been held up by them and how it reminded them of their childhood.

I gave him an old mobile which he had to have in his pocket turnedon at all times. It would have an alarm on it for the time he was due back, and he had to leave then. If I hadn't seen (or heard) them for a while I'd phone and ask him to drop by. It worked really well.
This year he is a camp this week, and I have no idea what he's doing.

YANBU I have a child of a similar age and I feel the same as you do - talk young.
I am aware a lot of parents around here do let their children play in the street / in the park 200m up the road / walk to school alone.

Annoyedparent Conley's family disputed the claim that he was allowed to go to the park on his own and they asked people to stop speculating about what happened Stop Casting Aspersions

OP I really don't think your case is comparable to Conley's at all. As PPs have said it's a village setting. You've said your DD goes with friends and I think the ages of the friends are relevant too.

Plus your DD saying her dad makes her go out is probably quite a comment complaint from DCs. I know my DS would moan that I make him go out when he'd rather watch a cartoon or play on a tablet. Making a child go out is one of our responsibilities as parents! plus once I drag him outside he always has fun

As someone who had an over protective mother,you are stifling your child.What age do you think a child should be allowed out alone.When they turn 18 and are an adult but wont have a clue to stay safe[that was me].

Its better to introduce independence slowly than be suddenly thrust out at 16

That's camp which is adult led and supervised, not off camping with a load of 8yo I will just add, before someone jumps on that.

I think just 7 is too young to go out across a road to play in a park.

My 6yo is out at the park right now. People get very snippy about 'lazy parenting' when kids play out as if all the kids who are indoors are engaged in delightful supervised craft activities. He's having a great time with his pals and I've got my widows cleaned and sorted out my car insurance, as well as having a coffee and fucking about on the internet. Nowt wrong with a bit of laziness imo.

This is entirely normal in rural places. I think you sound a little crazy.

Its not entirely normal in the rural place I live.