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AIBU?

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Original poster

Raging argument, who's right?

227 replies

LegoComplex · 08/08/2015 17:20

Massive argument with DP, apparently I'm the jealous, wierd, no mates asshole who's dragging him down and not letting him enjoy life.

He sprung on me a couple of weeks ago he wanted to do a bbq with a mate over, this turned into 3 mates from work, bear in mind these are older builder blokes i've never met. Because i'm worried about it i'm being unreasonable apparently, but i have no idea how to host these things, I told him i'm 22 i havn't had kids and suddenly i can host big dos. I have a 5yr old bfing a 3 month old and found the last one incredibly stressful it was basically blokes round the barbecure turning meat and i was left with everything else to prep and 2 strange kids to watch as well. i was really an anxious wreck and couldn't even eat.

Then today we have a nice time at a festival for a couple of hours, he says we should go back tomorrow. That's be nice i thought have a picnic and me and him could chat and listen to music and enjoy the baby. Next thing i know he's ringing up all his mates trying to get them along.

Apparently i should be making friends with them and letting him live. Well i told him don't let us drag you down i can have a great time on my own with my kids if we're too boring for him.

To be quite frank i find these men intimidating. DP's making me feel like a complete wierdo, i socialise just generally with mums who i have lots in common with.

OP posts:
WayneRooneysHair · 08/08/2015 22:56

NickiFury probably because it's trotted out so often on MN with very little evidence, it's almost like a reflex.

BastardGoDarkly · 08/08/2015 22:56

I'm not arguing about this. I can't be arsed.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 08/08/2015 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NormanLamont · 08/08/2015 23:01

Social anxiety - fine
PND - fine
Recommend CBT - fine
Told to get a grip by many - fine

Autism - not fine, in fact seems to piss people off. Why?

This.

Good question.

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 23:02

Is it wayne? Is it really? In 8 years of being on MN, I have never noticed that. I've noticed absolutely masses of ignorance, ridicule and resistance to the idea whenever anyone dares to suggest it though.

I home educate one of my children, he can't go to school because of his autism. Since we started I have across at least 100 children who have it and can't be in school because of it. How many such children do you know? Not many if any I doubt. Autism is resisted and ridiculed because people don't realise how prevalent it is and how many of is are living with it, how it forces us to live on the fringes.

It may well be true that the OP does not has autism or traits. My issue is with the swift pouncing on and discounting of someone who even dares to suggest it.

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 23:02

Intelligent and entirely expected response there Sharon.

NormanLamont · 08/08/2015 23:04

But, irrespective of any issue that might be making things worse for you OP, it is so not ok for him to say stuff like;

apparently I'm the jealous, wierd, no mates asshole who's dragging him down and not letting him enjoy life

Totally not on.

EustaciaBenson · 08/08/2015 23:06

Nicky the losing 2 stone and the depression actually can be symptoms of overactive thyroid, I dont see why you think its not a good suggestion?

OP you do seem overly stressed by the thought of an informal bbq, but it also sounds like you arent getting much support from your other half. Could you compromise with meeting them at the festival and not doing the bbq, that way you all still meet up but you dont feel any pressure to try to host?

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 23:06

Yes OP, you may find that your anxiety lessens tenfold without that kind of verbal attack.

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 23:07

Read my post properly why don't you.

NormanLamont · 08/08/2015 23:08

Nicky the losing 2 stone and the depression actually can be symptoms of overactive thyroid, I dont see why you think its not a good suggestion?

Autism sounds an equally valid suggestion, though.

Nicki

I think people consider Autism to be in some way shameful, whilst the other things are just health conditions, hence the resistance. Just my theory.

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 23:08

Anyone notice how Eustacia tackled me on my "attack" on the idea that it might be a thyroid issue? Defended that it could possibly be an issue? See it now?

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 23:10

I agree Norman. Just trying to put that out there and got abused for it. Which vindicates me entirely so I am not bothered. Thanks Sharon Wink

WayneRooneysHair · 08/08/2015 23:11

FYI Nicki I deal with autism every day.

I have noticed that posters suggest that an OP or DH etc has autism quite regularly, almost as often as suggesting they are depressed.

It's an armchair diagnosis and it pisses me off.

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 23:13

As is thyroid issues.

As is social anxiety

As is loads of other of the suggestions in this thread.

Being told she's selfish and silly and to get a grip, not a diagnosis, armchair or otherwise just mean but that was fine.

What do you do if you don't mind me asking? I deal with it all day every day as well.

NormanLamont · 08/08/2015 23:13

It's an armchair diagnosis and it pisses me off.

But if suggesting that is armchair dx, then so are the suggestions of social anxiety and thyroid issues. Aren't they?

WayneRooneysHair · 08/08/2015 23:17

I agree Norman and Nicki, it's all armchair diagnostics, sorry I should have made that clear Grin.

I'm not going to answer your question Nicki, hopefully I cause no offence but I try to not answer deeply personal questions on MN just in case.

NormanLamont · 08/08/2015 23:19

In fact I think the aspie-recognition thing is more like gaydar than diagnosis (and suggestions aren't diagnoses anyway).

It's inexact by internet, but so is everything.

EustaciaBenson · 08/08/2015 23:19

But here's the thing Nicky, I never disagreed with you suggesting autism! I only chimed in on thyroid because I went through similar symptoms and that was my diagnosis. So its certainly worth checking out because it is a possibility. But hey go on attack me for assuming I dont agree with you about autism

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 23:20

Luckily I didn't ask any "deeply personal questions" then isn't it?

Of course you don't have to answer anything at all though Smile.

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 23:22

Confused Are you even reading my posts Eustacia please do again. I have not attacked you, you just posted and backed up a point I had made at the right time. The suggestion of thyroid issues is a perfectly valid one.

WayneRooneysHair · 08/08/2015 23:22

No but what I do with autism is pretty personal and I'd rather not be outed Smile

NickiFury · 08/08/2015 23:23

I don't what your view is on autism. It's not at all relevant.

maccapacwac · 08/08/2015 23:27

Nicky

Google symptoms of overactice thyroid post preg and you will see that:

  1. symptoms include weight loss and anxiety ( and getting super hot, my most noticeable one)
  2. it occurs post preg, as a result of an inappropriately overactive immune system, that was previously suppressed during preg

Out of interest, does autism cause weight loss and do symptoms sometimes start for the first time post preg? Coz if so your suggestion would be as logical as mine, which is, in fact, entirely plausible. (Sorry if I missed it and the OP has had problems with anxiety all her life)

YUDOTHIS · 08/08/2015 23:28

I told him i'm 22 i havn't had kids and suddenly i can host big dos. I have a 5yr old bfing a 3 month old
what :S

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