Dads staying over night

[silverperiwinkle]

What do you think?
m.burtonmail.co.uk/Burton-Queen-s-Hospital-introduce-scheme-allow/story-27564928-detail/story.html

Definitely a bad idea in shared wards - and going to be impractical for a lot of couples with more than one DC anyway (partner will need to be at home with older DC). It's even worse if it's being done as a way to reduce staffing at night 'because their hubbies will look after them'. While most men are going to be decent and well-intentioned fathers, they are not health care professionals and won't know what to do if either mum or baby get ill, and if there are few staff around and an abusive man kicks off (either by attacking his partner or pestering other patients) then it could be very dangerous indeed.

No. I actually think the opposite, visiting hours should be restricted as they were in the 'good old days'.
Post partum women are patients, if they need to be in hospital then they should have privacy, adequate care from properly trained staff and as much peace and quiet as possible to relax. Otherwise, what's the point of even being in hospital?
daisydukes do you really not see the difference between medical professionals and any old tom dick or harry who just happens to be the partner (not necessarily the father of her baby) of the woman in the next bed to you?

When I was on the high dependency ward the morning after an emergency pre term c section (dd was in scbu) I had to ask the staff to ask a visiting partner to leave; because he was boorish, loud, obnoxious and being abusive to his partner. He was also making such awful remarks about their baby that it was really upsetting me.

If he'd been allowed to stay overnight next to me if have probably discharged myself to avoid it.

If you had a straightforward birth I can see why you'd not see the point of having dads overnight but not everyone is as lucky as yoy. I was in for a week and much of that could barely get out of bed or walk or pick up my baby. I was very lucky in that after three days I was given a private room and dp slept on a thin mat on the floor. He only left me for mealtimes.

I was a wreck and not really able to look after my baby, not with my own health issues going on at the time. I would not have coped without him there. Some women really do need their dp there, though I agree men of we're to have men on wards overnight it should be in exceptional circs only or have better, more private facilities.

No. Hell no.

I fell dangerously ill 2 days post section. Extreme fever, tachycardia and I stopped breathing. My 4 bed bay had to be cleared out. Imagine that with other sleeping bodies? It just isn't practical nor is it safe. Maternity wards have emergencies just like any other ward.

The nurse rounds at 6am would wake everyone up. The quiet moments in the morning before the ward opened to visitors when a Dr could do his rounds (yes, I know more often than not this happens during visiting hours too), women could shower with relative privacy, babies were safe to be left for 10 minutes, OT comes to see post section mums. how would that work? Wards have the visitor timings for a reason. Its only going to make life harder for every one to change them and lets be realistic. Mums are, on average, only in hospital for around 3 days post birth. 24 hours if they are lucky and have a straightforward delivery. Surely all partners (male and female) can see the benefits to letting new mums have privacy and breathing space from the real world for a few hours!

Then you have to remember the maternity ward should be a safe space for all women at their most vulnerable. There will be women on those wards who will have been abused, victims of domestic violence and raped. Those women know they have the right to ask for a chaperone with male doctors. What about with other men during the night? at least with visiting hours they know its only going to be for so long. They can have a family member or friend with them during that time but at night? ugh!

single women. Just another slap in the face for them when they have no one. Just no... I was a single mum. Gave birth alone. midwives were fabulous but if I knew I had to go on a ward where fathers could stay overnight I would have discharged myself. I wouldn't have felt comfortable.

If you had a really straight forward birth you are highly unlikely to spend much if any time on the post natal ward.

I had pretty horrendous births actually, especially the first when I nearly died. I still can see how hellish partners on the ward overnight would be. It's more staff we need not more overcrowding on wards.

If the wards were big enough, i.e bed spaces were twice as large as they are now then I would have no problem with fathers being allowed to stay overnight. As it is though I imagine it would all be a little cramped.

I had an awful 2nd night on the ward as I was exhausted and struggling with breast feeding - all I wanted was my DH.

I think if curtains can be drawn around double sized bed spaces to allow the couple, and all other couples, their space and privacy then I don't see a problem with it personally.

No, I wouldn't be comfortable with this. What we need to remember is that our DHs/DPs are probably all lovely considerate guys but not everyone's other half is like that. Some are abusive and some are inconsiderate. There are some pretty shocking stories I've read on MN - one woman was told to STFU by the partner of the woman in the next cubicle, which I think everyone will agree is downright unacceptable. A private room is a different story but if I was in a postnatal ward, the last thing I'd want is a strange man a metre or so from me, separated by nothing but a curtain.

In a private room no problem, but I agree I really do not like the idea on a bay ward. With my first my DH settled us in and then left and was allowed to be there 8 till 8 which was more then enough. I had a terrible night sleep as it was with new mums talking loudly on there phones and babies crying etc but at least you could accept that as reasonable. The thought of a strange man be on another side of a curtain while me and dd was on our own would be a nightwear for me while recovering and try to breastfeed, stitches being checked, changing pads etc would be a nightwear for me.

I'll go against the grain and say that I would've loved it. To the poster talking about the 'good old days', sure that could work if women would receive adequate help, but they don't. I was ignored most of the time. I agree that you could have wards with women+ partners and women only wards. Best of both worlds as not everyone can afford to pay for a private room. More staff would be ideal, but I doubt it'll happen anytime soon.

Nightmare that should be

Writer wannabe you say you wanted your Dh but that is a desire not a need. I feel that a
women's need for privacy trumps another's desire to haver her partner there.

I didn't have a straightforward birth. Had a bad PPH which meant I had to keep my curtains open on the ward for all of the first day and night I was there. I had a catheter so was much more comfortable in a nightie rather than pyjamas and I'm pretty sure I flashed my knickers more than a few times trying to ease myself into bed without hurting myself too much with my stitches from my episiotomy. I was BFing too and although by the time i was a few months down the line I wasnt too fussed at flashing a bit of boob in those early days it was a different story. At one point I stood up and felt myself pass a big clot. Buzzed a midwife and she said go to the loo and keep your pad so we can check it. Went to the loo and it turned out to be a massive clot that flopped right out my pad onto the floor. It totally freaked me out so much that I pressed the alarm in the loo.

I didn't mind any of these situations as it was a women only ward and we were all in the same boat. I'd have been mortified by the lack of privacy had this space been encroached upon by men who are not medical professionals.

And pulling curtains only offers limited privacy. You can still hear everything. I wouldn't want to consult my GP about an ear infection in the middle of the waiting room which would have a similar lack of privacy so why the hell would I want to discuss all the gory details of my postpartum body with all and sundry??

cheshire well I'm just thankful that I had my first baby (the only one that required a hospital stay) in the 80's.
I've worked in hospitals and mixed sex wards are unpopular (with both men and women)because of the lack of privacy and dignity that is felt. It's funny how we're supposed to forget about that when we've just had a baby.

hare your partner may be a "mum" but if she's not just given birth she had no place staying over on an ante natal ward - she is not a patient.

I would not want it but mostly because I had the local drug dealers girlfriend plus a very loud family when I was in with dd and I was glad for the end of visiting time for some rest.
I was very very poorly when I had dd , it was bad enough to have masses of people during the day.

Also worry about people with abusive partners when they are at their most vulnerable.

Really Daisydukes229, you don't see why it's different? Really?

Absolutely against it. It's so unfair on women who are uncomfortable with it. It's horrible to have other men around when you are bleeding often very heavily, feeling horrible, your vagina is torn and sore and you are struggling to get your baby to suck on your nipples in the correct way often for the first time. It's bad enough having women around that you don't know but there is a sense of solidarity as you are going through the same things. Men are not going through any of the above.

I also think there is a strong argument that it's disrespectful to people with religious beliefs that instruct them to be conservative in the way they dress and display their bodies. It's hard to do this anyway when breastfeeding or moving around after childbirth without it causes more worries for you that a man may see you who is not your husband and it contravenes your religious guidance.

threenotfour absolutely. I just don't see how this is compatible with Islamic teaching (and DH is Muslim). I made this point in the other thread - because if all else failed, I would use these beliefs to get the strange men removed - and got a pasting on here. I just find the idea so abhorrent and wrong.

The idea of shuffling to the bathroom for a wash with just a gown, a drip and a catheter and leaky boobs being gawped at by someone elses partner would have made me uncomfortable.

This thread has been done very recently but in short - there are many reasons it's a bad idea but my DH stayed with me because a midwife told him too. Our baby was very ill in the NICU, i had post-birth complications and was close to mentally breaking down. The midwife made a call and it was the right one. However DH is very normal, polite, respectful, etc and was there to support me mentally but also to be close to our very ill baby. I also had a private room. The last thread highlighted many reasons and types of men that shouldn't allow this as policy rather than on the judgemental call of a midwife.

battleaxe - I felt like I needed him. I needed him a lot more than I did the midwives. When I was roaming the ward at 4am in absolute tears with a crying baby it was my DH's love and support I needed, not midwives telling me to go back to my bed.

I ended up ringing him at 6am and I was inconsolable. He came to the unit for about 7am and thankfully the midwives let him in.

My first few days of DS's life are clouded with sadness because of how hard I found it in the hospital and I know that if DH had been allowed to be with me 24/7 then I absolutely believe that things would have been very different.

writer my days in hospital were quite frankly hellish. The only thing that stopped my signing myself out was the threat of Ss being called.

I'm 100% sure that my hospital stay would have been 1000 times worse if I had to share the room all those extra adults. If I had to queue twice as long for the toilet, if I had to go without a shower because 15 other people needed to use it before open visiting (8 bedded bay), my recovery would have been longer if the MW had been unable to move around my bed.

It's a horrible idea.