Dads staying over night

[silverperiwinkle]

What do you think?
m.burtonmail.co.uk/Burton-Queen-s-Hospital-introduce-scheme-allow/story-27564928-detail/story.html

But why? You're already staying in a room with strangers, it shouldn't make a difference what sex they are. I don't see why it should be obvious, I just don't understand why there is an issue.

It shouldn't make a difference what sex they are? On a post natal ward? Are you serious?

Well there's the vaginal bleeding, the regular physical examinations, the medical staff asking if you've done a poo yet, doctors inspecting vaginal stitches, constant breastfeeding and establishing a latch, crying jags, a need for sleep without three or four other couples having a chat or partners on the phone announcing the birth.....

I was dead against it until I spent a few nights in hospital with ds1. It definitely makes a huge difference to have 1-1 support for patients through the night.

However there would have to be a strict code of conduct to stop others being disturbed and I'd worry about that not being enforced.

Most wards already have all day visiting so you get most of ^ that anyway.

I think if you want your partner overnight you should pay for a room. It's an intrusion.

None of those are proper reasons though.
Because by that logic you could say no men should be allowed to even work on a postnatal ward?

There are curtains to keep the breastfeeding/exams private.

I wouldn't have been bothered if men were sleeping there when I was there / if I have any more

And that is a very good point. Should men not allowed to be visit postnatal wards either?

BTW, there were a mix of mums and dads staying each night. Wasn't a problem as everyone pulled the curtains round about 8pm anyway.

I had a male midwife who was excellent and I had no qualms about anything he did. He was carrying out medical procedures from a professional stance.

A male stranger next to me all night whilst I tried to sleep and breastfeed? Nope. It's totally different- how can you not see that?

This is not done on other adult wards, so why can't recovering women just have a bit of space? It's not usually for long.

It definitely makes a huge difference to have 1-1 support for patients through the night.

It does, and I think it should be provided by medical and care staff. This will be used to have support for women on post natal stripped to the bare bloody bones.

Also, worth looking at previous threads on this. The abusive partners, the staring people, noisy people. You get little enough sleep on a post natal ward without doubling the number of adults trying to rest there. Your partner is probably lovely, so is mine, doesn't mean out of 6/8 women on a ward one isn't going to bring in an abusive drunken arse.

sleepyhead- depending on your condition you are not always allowed to have the curtains round for observational reasons.

Hare your wife is a Mum but she isn't a patient and she isn't more of a parent than the Dads.

Most ward bays have 4-6 beds and there is already an additional 4-6 people in the form of babies in cots to contend with without having another 4-6 adults sleeping in chairs (or in some cases the patients beds as was reported on a previous thread). I agree the sex of the patients partner is a factor, but at the end of the day, literally, the non-birth mother is simply not a patient.

Having a baby is absolutely knackering. No other ward would even contemplate the insanely long visiting hours, let alone make it 24/7 (except ICU and peads). You don't even get protected meal times on maternity. It's also worth bearing in mind that some women are there for weeks.

In a ward set up no, i don't think it's a good thing. Double the people means double the infection control risk, double the noise, double the chance of flashing someone a boob when trying to feed (so doubly uncomfortable for the new mum, not the flash victim) etc.

In individual rooms then I think it should be an individual choice. However I do think there should be a part of the day where there are no visitors allowed at all for the sake of women being able to speak to the staff privately.

I would also be concerned about if it becomes the norm. I wouldn't like to see hospitals working their staffing levels on the basis that each woman has a 24/7 companion because wards are often understaffed enough.

Captain Holt and LaLyra talk excellent sense.

I'm married to another woman, would you be as quick to say no if it was her staying with me, given that she is as much Mum to our baby as I am?

Well, yes, in my case. A woman who has just given birth has specific needs, a woman who has not doesn't. What you don't need on a post natal ward is extra people. This is the case for extra women, but even more for extra men.

I'm a bit surprised that a woman would not intuit this.

My postnatal ward was horrible, so cramped and noisy, I barely slept for the 4 nights I was there, double the number of adults in each bay and it'd have been so much worse. And curtains really provide very little in terms of privacy when beds are so close together anyway. Don't get me wrong, I'd have loved to have my DP with me (post c section) but the wider picture would be awful. The ward I was on changed to allow dads to stay the week after I was discharged, the reports I've heard from others aren't good.

I started a thread on this the other week that went to hundreds of posts. After reading both sides, I'm still dead against it. Qualified staff should be looking after patients, not their relatives. I'm due to give birth in a few weeks and my hospital allows 24 hour visitors. I won't have anyone as my DH will have to look after DS. Does that mean I'll be ignored all night? Should the doctors be doing their rounds outside regular visiting hours, I'll be requesting that all non-patients leave the ward. They're not moving me, I'll have just had a section and I have health problems.

They're my thoughts and I know some will disagree with my opinion, just as I disagree with theirs. Whatever the rule at each individual hospital, it doesn't suit everyone and never will.

In a multi bed ward - definitely not. In a private room - yes. I was in a multi bed ward for the first week after my EMCS and DP wasn't allowed to stay and rightly so..but I was then moved to a private room because I had problems and he had to stay overnight because the poor midwives were so busy they couldn't help me look after DD . But he never left my room after visiting hours because he didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable

It should only be allowed if they are in private rooms. Would be even more hellish than a post natal ward already is. There is to me the obvious issue of some women having a phobia of strange men which I know some people have countered.

BUT if you forget the above point then you have:

12 adults in a space meant for 6, the wards cam be cramped enough as it is so makes it feel more claustrophobic and more difficult from a moving and handling point of view for staff to do what they need to do.

12 people using a toilet designed for the use of 6 increasing the wait for the toilet and making it more difficult to keep hygienically clean.

12 people using the shower designed to be used by 6 increasing g the wait for a shower, making it more difficult to keep hygienically clean and since the shower is often in the same room as the toilet increasing the wait for the toilet too.

It is hard enough to sleep in a ward due to the unavoidable noise, double the number of adults would only increase the noise ( even if they were all reasonable and tried their best to be quiet)

More people on the ward at night impacts on fire safety and by letting more people stay overnight the staff would become legally responsible for ensuring their health and safety taking them away from patient care.

With hindsight, my DH would have stayed overnight on the ward with the baby and I'd have buggered off home for a decent night's kip. We only lived around the corner. Wish I'd have thought of it at the time, except I couldn't think straight about anything having been up all previous night having the baby. It was definitely his turn by then. I was another one who had a homebirth with DC2 - no way am I going near one of those wards again unless someone's life depends on it and even then, they'd owe me. This was over a decade ago, so maybe things have changed.

Yes, infection control could become a real issue with outdoor shoes and clothing traipsing in and out and the prospect of men using the toilet whilst a bleeding woman waits outside until he's finished. It's wrong and invasive.

On no other ward are patients expected to put up with other people's partners all night long (apart from ICU and paeds as a PP said upthread).

I just feel like a woman's right is being removed here and it's looking like we're powerless to stop it as it becomes policy already in some hospitals.

At least let them have the night in private, if they can't have the day.

Personally I'd feel both threatened and frightened with a bunch of unknown men staying in a ward at a very vulnerable time of one's life. The other women you can vouch for as they are usually in a similar state, but the men are all generally in perfect health and frankly could be anybody off the street, so you'd never know who you were sharing a room with. If that had been the situation for my two hospital births I would probably have not given birth in hospital. YY to sanitation problems and infection control etc as many blokes piddle all over the fecking place. As others have already said, there are so many reasons not to and so few reasons to do this.

I second that if the couple are prepared to pay for a private room (or are granted one if there are extra needs- eg disability) then fine but on the wards would be a massive no-no for me.

If it's being adopted as a way of managing postnatal wards with fewer staff then they are misguided imo.

"But why? You're already staying in a room with strangers, it shouldn't make a difference what sex they are. I don't see why it should be obvious, I just don't understand why there is an issue."

Well, for a start, many women have been sexually assaulted by men. I read a shocking statistic the other day; 1 in 3 women are sexually assaulted at university. If they're wearing a hospital gown, attempting to breastfeed a newborn, in pain and unwell, they're going to feel VERY vulnerable. It's not the same as medical professionals who are vetted and monitored.