Dads staying over night

[silverperiwinkle]

What do you think?
m.burtonmail.co.uk/Burton-Queen-s-Hospital-introduce-scheme-allow/story-27564928-detail/story.html

I have to say the idea of this horrifies me and I don't have children (am ttc though)

When I'm in pain, I want my DH more than anything, but even when I had pancreatitis and was in absolute agony, I understood why he needed to go home!

When my sister had her ds the visiting hours were 9-9 for dads and 5-8 for everyone else.
When I went to see her, a midwife told me I couldn't go in as she was breastfeeding. Dsis told them she didn't mind and I went in. My DH didn't. But I was amazed that despite being worried about me being in there, when a different MW came to see how she was doing, she opened the curtain and the father of the baby at the next bed just turned around to look.
They were both most put out when I told him off and closed the curtain

I genuinely don't understand how such a huge part of the NHS is so out-dated and underfunded.

Another reason I'd say absolutely not to this is that it will put pressure on couples who don't want dad to stay. If it becomes okay, it will quickly become the norm and then expected that dad will stay all the time....

How's that supposed to help? Both parents knackered from the start, more pressure to hand off older siblings for days.

The single breathing about the time I was in hospital after DD was born was being able to hand her off to DH during visiting hours so I could rest, knowing he'd had a good night's sleep and was clearheaded and functional. If he'd been allowed to stay, he'd never have been able to make himself leave - how many times have men who don't want to be at the birth been called selfish and pathetic on here? - and then we'd both have been knackered.

And, no, I wouldn't have been happy with other people's partners staying, and I, too, think there's too much other visiting. Left to me it would be one person at a time allowed on the ward during the day and a day room would be provided for all other visiting. If mum and/or baby aren't well enough to go to the day room, they aren't well enough for crowds.

Other people's visitors were hellish when I was in. Loud, rude and selfish, and there's just no need. Other wards have number restrictions, so should maternity!

My OH (now ex) wouldn't have wanted to stay because it would have been incredibly boring and there would have been nothing for him to do. He did have a life. It was boring for me.
Re the question of open wards/bays, I was on a 4 bedded bay, and I didn't mind it. The other patients were nice and visiting hours were restricted so it didn't feel too noisy.

How's that supposed to help? Both parents knackered from the start, more pressure to hand off older siblings for days. The single breathing about the time I was in hospital after DD was born was being able to hand her off to DH during visiting hours so I could rest, knowing he'd had a good night's sleep and was clearheaded and functional.

Oh, exactly. And I think especially when you already have DC. I would rather OH went home, got a bit of sleep when I wasn't, and tried to keep a tiny bit of normality for DC. Having both parents disappear for a few days when they might already be upset or worried about a new baby appearing probably wouldn't help.

I worry if it becomes standard for partners/family members to stay over night this will just reduce the staffing on the ward even more, and then mums who don't have someone with them overnight will suffer more - both by being alone and surrounded by so many other people all night, and also by not having someone there to help them when the nursing staff may be assuming that everyone does have someone to help.

I can kind of see how this might work for people are only in for one night. But how about when a mum has to stay in for four or five nights? That's a very long time for a partner to be sleeping on a chair every night.

And what about women whose partners can't stay the night because there's other children to look after at home? It's not fair to expect them to put up with everyone else's partner staying in the ward.

They need more staff. Not more Dad's.

The point about Dads needing a rest too is an important one. If neither the mother nor the father nor the baby slept well, then nobody's any use the next day.

But the most important point is peace and privacy and the fact that recovering mothers have a right to that.

In no other department ( apart from HDU and paeds) would they dream of infringing a patient's rights in this way. Why are mothers being treated this way?

This is a funding issue. Cost effective auxilliary nurses could top up water bottles and pass babies to mothers if midwives are not available, not unqualified family members dossing in chairs like an all night bus station. But failing that- more midwives and more doctors and more funding!

It's an insult.

My husband would turn into my biggest irritant if he slept over in a chair. Sod the c-section pain, he's such a hypochondriac the biggest issue would become his bad back! I'd much rather he went home and slept in a comfy bed and ate properly. Then I can be comfortable leaving him in charge during visiting hours while I kip and get a shower.

My hospital actually justified it by saying that the midwives can't be expected to help all the patients. Well, that's actually what I do expect! If they're unable, the hospital needs to pay for more staff.

My hospital actually justified it by saying that the midwives can't be expected to help all the patients

Exactly. They're admitting there are not enough midwives to go around, but making it sound like an excuse for them not to help. Of course there should be enough midwives to help all the patients. If there isn't, there's a big big problem.

I think the problem is that many midwives are leaving the profession because of the stress and pressure they are under. Universities can't recruit and train midwives quick enough to replace the ones that are leaving. It also means a lot of very good and experienced midwives are being replaced by newly qualified inexperienced ones. I imagine it doesn't do well for the skill mix.

Over the last few years the Government have been on a huge drive to increase the number of trainee health visitors and from what I have heard a very high number of applicants have been midwives who want out of midwifery services.

Would rather there be dads there to help until funding comes in at least

Maybe there could be a compromise:

Women can have an overnight companion if they wish in order to provide assistance and emotional support but their companion has to be female.

It removes the worry of dad's expecting to stay (in abusive relationship type scenarios as discussed earlier in the thread) and it can also address the issue of privacy a little, well at least make the mother's feel a little less vulnerable perhaps.

female or male overnight visitors still impinge on the privacy of others and increase infection control and general noise.

Allowing this also gives the govt an excuse to decrease funding even more.

I don't want female visitors either. They still take up space, still talk and still have the potential to annoy me. Those are my objections, rather than an unlikely abuse scenario.

I don't like the idea of any overnight visitor, though.

I get that there is the potential for more threat from male visitors, and some women will have a very serious issue with sharing a room with men at night.

But I hate the thought of any non-patient in that room overnight. And sharing the limited bathrooms. And using the limited showers. And taking the food.

Agree with quesadillas- this isn't just about abuse threats or men seeing boobs, it's about privacy and peace, and those, in my book are a patient's right.

I wouldn't have a GP consultation in the waiting room with others able to hear, so why would I want to explain post partum intimacies with several other non patients in the room?

There is a big difference between what some patients want and what all patients need.

I think it's worse to allow a female only companion.

Men shouldn't be allowed to stay overnight to keep the wards as quiet as possible, relaxed and private.

Men shouldn't be banned for staying over night because some women don't have a partner or because some men are abusive.

Fathers shouldnt be banned from staying overnight with their partners and child because some men are abusive.

No one apart from the people who NEED to be there should be there. No overnight visitors, imo.

Maybe they should pick another ward to be completely understaffed and get HCAs from there to staff maternity at night and ask the other group of patients to bring some random in from home to do 'unpaid auxilliary' duties. Or maybe not, because the concept that your care in an NHS hospital should be dependent on your ability to bring your own staff with you is absolutely batshit.

I mean, can you imagine them saying to a patient in orthopaedics or colorectal 'Can you just bring someone with you to do your nursing care? They'll have to be here 24/7 because we aren't doing it. Soz!'

I think that everyone who is 'for' this idea are actually thinking about themselves and how they would feel about their own partners staying.

I think you have to think about ALL women and their right to recover in hospital. They have the right to feel safe and secure, they have the right to privacy.

There are many women on this thread that say they would not feel safe and dignified, surely they have the right to recover without worrying about men on the ward.

Not every man is a loving and supportive partner or even a good man!

Would rather there be dads there to help until funding comes in at least

That type of temporary solution tends to become permanent, IME.

It's also the type of solution in 3rd world countries.
Next they'd be asking patients to sort out their own food.

Would rather there be dads there to help until funding comes in at least

The funding will never come in if this is fully implemented.

It may not come in either way

But whether it does come or not, it's perfectly possible for most women to spend nights alone with their babies in hospital.
Only those partners/relatives/friends that are necessary should be allowed to stay overnight, preferably in better conditions than a 6 bed ward.

As a medical professional I wouldn't be opposed to meb sharing but they would have to be appropriate my cateted for.

So not just a bigger bed space. Private rooms - en suite, showers, somewhere to get breakfast etc. Extra staff to buzz them in and out of wards it sounds silly but it tales up SO much time letting a constant stream of people in and out. And I would put some pretty firm 'rules' in place too, quiet after 2200, mobiles on silent, no on/off access overnight I would not want people nipping out for a smoke or to wet the babies head then coming back in all sorts of states.

But until that model exists I would be absolutely against partners staying.

If a woman REALLY needs (not wants) her partner there - situations such as stillbirth or a blind mother then that is already catered too. The majority of women who would PREFER their partner to be present just need to get on with it.