DH refuses to have summer baby

[MayAugust]

We started trying for a baby in May. I got pregnant first cycle, then miscarried at six weeks. I didn't get pregnant in either of the two cycles following the miscarriage (I just got my period today).

DH has always said that he doesn't want to have a summer baby because apparently all the kids in his class who were born in the summer didn't do as well academically as those with birthdays earlier in the year. He says there are studies which back this up (I don't know if that's true).

So now he is refusing to try for a baby until January 2016, when the due date would be September onwards.

He keeps saying that he has always been really clear that this is how he feels and that he doesn't want to have a summer baby. This is true. But I think he is being unreasonable. Aside from the fact that his reasoning is completely ridiculous in my opinion, I just don't want to waste all that time given what we've been through so far.

No argument will convince him. I've tried pointing out all the people we know who are born in the summer months and are very successful, or explaining that actually sometimes babies are born several weeks or even months before they are due, or that we might have a child with special needs, or a child that's just not academic whatever month they're born.

Who is being unreasonable?

[maybebabybee]

Talk boards, even.

[PoppyFleur]

Having children is not about choosing to conceive for maximum academic advantage. Babies are people with their own lives which cannot be controlled.

Completely agree with Greythorne's post, the sentence above summaries things completely.

You have had a tough time recently OP, does your DH know how you are feeling?

[Hersetta427]

Ridiculous. My daughter is a 31/8 birthday. She is the tallest in her class by far and although she struggled a little initially she started to fly in yr two and got all exceeding levels in her yr 2 sats. Couldn't be prouder of her.

would he rather have no baby than have to settle for a summer born?

[MackerelOfFact]

I get that people want to give their child the best start etc, but if you conceive in a different month, it'll be a different baby, if that makes any sense. You're not giving the same (hypothetical) child a better chance, you're just choosing not to conceive that child and to conceive a different one instead.

I know that's a slightly odd way to think about it and probably not even that revelant to the thread - but I find it mind boggling to think that if conceived at any other time, our DCs would literally be different DCs.

[teatowel]

For me it wasn't that they would do better at school, it was that their first few terms/years might be easier for them.

[ExConstance]

I'm another 21 August person, I was also fortunate enough to pass my 11+ a year early, so I was still 16 when I sat my A levels and some of my classmates were nearly 3 years older than me. I ever had any problems, did well at Uni. and qualified as a solicitor.

[cranberryx]

Apparently, the main reason summer babies supposedly do worse than winter babies, is that summer babies tend to be conceived when it's coldest - implying that poorer people use sex as a way to keep warm. (I read a study about it, will try and find it) which is why so many people have babies in June, because of the sudden temperature drop in Sept/Nov. So the less success in summer babies (in the past) can actually be attributed to the parents wealth/status/heating bill. Although that's not the case now, it's where this all started.

I think your husband is being a bit harsh considering the previous issues with conception.

[DayLillie]

I'm a September 2nd person.

I remember being desperate to start school - all my friends had gone and I was left with the littlies. Everyone is always younger than you. It is no advantage socially.

I had an awful reception teacher who blamed me for not being a big sister to the very young girls she sat me next to who pooed her knickers (and half the classroom and cloakroom), told off for not cutting my matchbox man's sticky paper eyes out round enough (amongst other things - I still hold it against her! )

And once you leave school, you are the same age as someone born on 31st August who left school a year before.

It is not what the education statistics make it out to be.

[BubGal13]

Have read most post and agree with majority- think he sounds pompous and cold in his attitude when its you Op who has been through so much lately. To have these set ideas in place about what is ultimately just an imaginary child, before you've even conceived, is just insane and so foolish.

He needs to know how upsetting this is for you all things considered and with you ultimately having had the majority of the burden of emotionally and physically suffering with your recent miscarriages the least he can do is be as supportive as possible in your efforts to conceived.

He needs to read this- //www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/10819751/Summer-born-children-allowed-to-delay-start-of-school.html

and then deeply apologise - before doing everything possible (and not just that) but helping you relax and be as happy as possible in order to TTC- NOW!

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

DD was carefully planned for Sept arrival and she was born early and at the very end of August.

She struggled getting into learning at the start but is a confident member of the class, highest set for Maths, middle for writing, spelling & reading. She's improving those with a little gentle practice at home. She's just finished Y1.

The oldest girl in DD's class is in the lowest sets for all, lovely sweet girl but is struggling a bit. So Sept born doesn't guarantee smart kid.

[IndigoBlue]

Also maybe there is another reason behind this too - he doesn't feel ready to try again yet?

I'm also early September, I spent the first four years of school being the oldest in the year then went to boarding school skipped a year and went in as the youngest in the year above so I've done both. Maybe I got the best of both worlds starting later and finishing earlier I don't know.

[Bambambini]

Mine are amongst the youngest on year and boys. I would loked to have had them at home a bit longer. Studies do support your husband, also read it's often just not academically or socially but also in sports which makes sense. If they are relatively bright with supportive parents then of course most kids will do ok anyway.

[Glindathegoodwitch]

I'm a July baby and working towards my masters. I don't believe anybody else in my class at school has done so.

Tell him to read through the conception and infertility boards on here and see which worries him most.

Is he also going to give the baby back if it isn't blond with blue eyes??? Rolling my eyes at I'm sure your otherwise lovely DH.

[duchesse]

DD3 is an August 27th birthday (she is 5y 11 m and has just finished Y1). Having experienced two summer-borns among her siblings, we decided to place her for reception into the least academically demanding environment we could find. We felt that her development and happiness were more important that forcing her through what we view as over-early formal learning. She stayed in the undemanding setting until January of this year when it became clear that non-academic was no longer meeting her needs, and we switched her to a mainstream tiny village school.

From having not yet learned to read or write, nor done any maths, she has pretty much caught up with her peers in the six months she's spent in the new school. The only area of the curriculum she is still behind on is literacy and handwriting, and we are expecting her to catch up that delay by the middle of the Autumn term. So for DD, holding her back has no harmed her in the slightest. In fact she has a very different approach from the other children to a number of areas of the curriculum which her current teacher appreciates a lot (she is able to connect things she's learning to aspects of other subjects). It's as though the extra year of thinking and developing her mind have enabled her to have more of an overview of what she's learning.

[landoflostcontent]

Mix of late summer born and winter born in our family group. Early school years haven't been a problem for the summer borns. The main grievance they have had is that when their classmates start to turn 18 (from September onwards) they can't join them pubbing or clubbing for nearly a year.

[mowbraygirl]

My DD was due on August 25th but didn't arrive till 11th September so was 5 when she started. Her DD was born in the middle of August so she started school at 4 years and 3 weeks she looked so small at least height wise compared to some of the others in her class she and another little boy who was born the day after her were the youngest in the school.

They both thrived in the school environment so by the end of the first year she and him were top of the class and continued to do so through all their primary school years. They are now both at Grammar schools doing very well and starting their GCSE's in September she is at the girls school and him the boys.

My friends DD thought my DD was ridiculous to have a summer baby and her and her DH were planning to have one in the September so she got pregnant and due date was middle of September. The baby had other ideas and was born the day after my DGD at a good weight of about 7lbs so not small for supposedly a month premature. Her husband couldn't believe she was in labour wanted the hospital to try and stop it for another two weeks she was already 7cms dilated when she got to the hospital I bet the midwives had a bit of a laugh at him demanding that.

[derxa]

I am a June baby. Two degrees and two professional qualifications. OTH I can see his point. Sept babies are bigger physically and may have a year's advantage in England.

[Phial]

Op, what did your husband say when you mentioned the possibility of a child with special needs or not being academic? How important is it to him to have a successful child? I am thrilled with my 2 ds, July and september and would not change anything about them. As someone mentioned above, you are not moving the same child to a different month, you are having a different child.

[ThisIsClemFandango]

Her husband couldn't believe she was in labour wanted the hospital to try and stop it for another two weeks she was already 7cms dilated when she got to the hospital I bet the midwives had a bit of a laugh at him demanding that.


All because of a birth month?!
I'm sorry but some of the things I've read here is as though we're talking about a fatal disability. It's a birth month.
June/July/August doesn't = thick as shit child.
I'm an August baby as it happens. It's nice to know my parents may not have wanted me after reading these statistics because there would be a chance I wouldn't achieve the right grades.
The revision of the school entry age system is fine but then who will be the youngest in the class? I don't fully understand how it will work. Surely somebody will always be the youngest in the class, and therefore at a disadvantage?

[Penfold007]

DF and I are both summer born, actually have our birthdays during the summer holidays. We are both successful, highly qualified professionals.

[Food4Thought1]

Very smart! My eldest was born end of August, was the very youngest in the class and suffered for it, not academically but socially. Why not try to give your child an advantage in life? Made sure my fourth child was not born after January as saw how my daughter suffered.

[kippersmum]

OP if being youngest in the class concerns you then make sure your local school doesn't have a 1.5 year intake. I'm being quite serious.

This year both my DDs were 3rd youngest in their class, 1 has a birthday tomorrow, the other has a birthday in November. Having experienced composite classes etc I'm a lot more relaxed about birth dates & starting school. Some children are ready & some aren't. In a lot of cases when their birthday is is fairly irrelevant.

I also find the further the parents get through primary school the more relaxed they are about it. The really stressed parents are the ones who haven't done it. And yes, I was one of those with DD1.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

Yet another poster saying that your DH is being short sighted at best.

I have three DCs. Born in September, April & August. My September baby has struggled & fought his way through school finding everything difficult. My April & August babies are much higher achievers, academically speaking.

Also, the most intelligent woman I have ever met was born in August.

There are good & bad points about being born in any season. What if your child has SN? Has your DH considered that? There is so much more to a human being than their place in the academic year.

Your DH is not the only one to feel this way however. A teacher friend of mine planned the date of her IVF treatment so that, if successful, she would have a September due date. And she did. Baby due September 15th. Didn't stop baby arriving 6 weeks early on 31st July! Second time around she took the treatment date offered and ended up with an EDD of 25th August. Her baby boy was born on September 2nd!

[TheDowagerCuntess]

Also, the most intelligent woman I have ever met was born in August.

Nobody's saying people born in August are less intelligent...

It's about being at an emotional and social advantage / disadvantage, which could well impact on academic performance.