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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask lady to stop smoking near my newborn and pregnant friend?

189 replies

pinktrufflechoc · 05/08/2015 15:49

Out for coffee and a friend went in to get them and a woman is smoking. Friend is pregnant and I have a newborn.

I asked her to stop and she was being rude to me and said she'd smoke outside if she wanted!

Do you think I was unreasonable? I think it's horrible ...

OP posts:
ConkerGame · 06/08/2015 14:39

I guess YABU but I am with you on the sentiment - absolutely detest smoking and think it should actually be banned in all public places! why should you and your newborn not be able to enjoy being outdoors without having horrible, dangerous smoke all over you!

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 06/08/2015 14:49

Yes Conker, ban all smoking! And then cars! And all chimneys, industrial or otherwise, also barbaques. Oh, and bonfires. Just ban fire altogether actually....

daisydukes229 · 06/08/2015 14:50

I am now an ex smoker.
When I was still smoking, a lady came and sat next to me on a park bench then decided to have a go at me about the cigarette I was already smoking before she sat town.

I told her in no uncertain terms that she was in the wrong, there were plenty of empty benches so she could either move to another one or lump it, I wouldn't be putting out my cigarette and that was that. She huffed and puffed but eventually moved.

(And by park bench I don't mean a playpark. Like a huge field with benches around the edge)

Yabvu. You don't like it you move

EatShitDerek · 06/08/2015 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 06/08/2015 14:52

why should you and your newborn not be able to enjoy being outdoors without having horrible, dangerous smoke all over you!

Oh give over! outside in the fresh air and within sitting distance of a person smoking who probably wasn't blowing her smoke over the newborn is hardly a danger.

EatShitDerek · 06/08/2015 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bubblesinthesummer · 06/08/2015 14:55

why should you and your newborn not be able to enjoy being outdoors without having horrible, dangerous smoke all over you

The lady was there first and it wasn't being blown over anyone...

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 06/08/2015 15:07

The lady lit up another one as soon as she finished the first; it was then I asked her to put it out.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/08/2015 15:08

why should you and your newborn not be able to enjoy being outdoors without having horrible, dangerous smoke all over you!

Because sadly, people have to drive cars/buses/taxis etc.

That's why.

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2015 15:09

To be fair to the smoker, since you'd chosen to sit near her while she was smoking the first fag, why would she think the second one was going to bother you? Confused

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 06/08/2015 15:12

Worra, because some people have consideration and manners; funny that.

OP posts:
MrsGentlyBenevolent · 06/08/2015 15:14

Exactly, Worra. You knew the lady was a smoker, you saw that. You chose to sit next to herher anyway. You don't then get to set the terms of sitting there, because you think your enjoyment out sitting outside is more of a priority than hers.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 06/08/2015 15:15

She, as the smoker, should be able to expect consideration and manners from others as well, it works both ways.

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 06/08/2015 15:16

It wasn't a choice. I would agree with you had their been hundreds of empty tables but there were not.

Never mind. It won't have done DD2 too much harm I am sure as thankfully she is raised in a non-smoking home Hmm

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/08/2015 15:17

Yes some people have consideration and manners

But as you didn't appear to mind her smoking, why would she feel as though she was being inconsiderate or lacking manners?

That is what I don't get. It's like it's all her fault and not the fault of the person (you) who chose to sit with a newborn in a smoking area.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 06/08/2015 15:18

It won't have done DD2 too much harm, of course it hasn't done her any harm.

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2015 15:20

Just to put it into perspective...

Air pollution may cause more UK deaths than previously thought, say scientists

Current figures of almost 30,000 UK deaths a year from air pollution do not factor in lethal nitrogen dioxide from diesel engines and wood, oil and coal burning, say experts

The death toll from air pollution, usually put at around 29,000 a year in the UK, could be substantially higher because the lethal effect of nitrogen dioxide (NO2), emitted during fossil fuel burning, has not been taken into account, experts believe.

Taken from here

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 06/08/2015 15:20

What if the OP's baby had started crying, or filled a nappy but the op hadn't caught on to it straight away. Would the smoking lady be ok in telling the OP 'excuse me, I don't like that noise/smell, can you please stop it right now?'. Of course, babies can't help these things, but she sat there in quiet up until the OP sat down, would she be entitled to say something about it, if it was ruining her enjoyment of a coffee and smoke outside?

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 06/08/2015 15:22

I've been through this worra so why don't we just say yeah you're right because tbh I feel like I am being cross examined by you and it's not very pleasant.

Did I not say I was being unreasonable on page 1?

I just wanted to clarify we didn't skip out ignoring thousands of empty tables plonked ourselves by a smoker and then got arsey- what happened was we went out, sat in the one free table which was VERY close to all the others, and smoke was blowing our way. Friend was looking a bit peaky; I swapped seats with her then it was going on DD2 so when she then finished the first we both breathed a sigh of relief, she went to light up again and I politely asked if she could wait because of baby and pregnancy and she was rude.

Did she really need a second cigarette after the first? I doubt it. But we needed to sit down (yes needed; I gave birth 2 and a half weeks ago and friend is pregnant) and there was only one table.

But carry on with the cross examination by all means Hmm I hope it's brought you some pleasure.

OP posts:
sofato5miles · 06/08/2015 15:23

People who vilify smokers are happy to push their kids along the road next to traffic fumes, at buggy height. Don't smoke but I do wonder about the dangers of it.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 06/08/2015 15:29

I'm not following the relevance of C02 emissions to this discussion. We all contribute to C02 emissions (although some more than others, to be sure). They're a byproduct of modernity, increased standards of living, etc.

We don't all contribute to cigarette smoke, nor is it a byproduct some greater good.

gamerchick · 06/08/2015 15:30

I've been saying that for years. I'm glad it's finally coming into the spotlight.

Not to mention how amusing it's going to be when anti smokers have their cars threatened and whinged about.

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 06/08/2015 15:32

Do you know, I never whinge about smoke. Ever.

But when someone is turning green in front of you, you do worry they are going to be sick.

If my baby was making someone feel sick or was threatening someone's health of course I would move her although I must say I can't think of a time they would be likely unless she was ill and in those instances I wouldn't be taking her to Starbucks anyway.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/08/2015 15:39

Yes you said you were BU on page one but since the conversation wasn't left there, excuse me for joining in Confused

Still if it's causing you some sort of distress, I'll butt out.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 06/08/2015 15:43

If that someone 'turning green' was your pregnant friend then I'm sorry. However, as another pregnant lady, I figure it really doesn't take much to start feeling ill. I almost vomited in Poundland the other day, can't tell if it was from the stuffiness, appalling lack of biscuit choice or the smell of the other people. I couldn't exactly tell Mr 'I may not have bathed this week', to move out of the queue could? These are things we just have to put up with when we chose to leave the house and be around the joy that is other people.

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