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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask lady to stop smoking near my newborn and pregnant friend?

189 replies

pinktrufflechoc · 05/08/2015 15:49

Out for coffee and a friend went in to get them and a woman is smoking. Friend is pregnant and I have a newborn.

I asked her to stop and she was being rude to me and said she'd smoke outside if she wanted!

Do you think I was unreasonable? I think it's horrible ...

OP posts:
FayKorgasm · 05/08/2015 16:47

I've never been a smoker but if I choose to be somewhere smokers are allowed to smoke then the onus is on me to move if I don't like it.

Nabootique · 05/08/2015 16:47

Not your fault, pink, but a couple of weeks ago I think there were three threads similar to yours in the space of a couple of days.

LazyLohan · 05/08/2015 16:47

'Fag bashing'? I call homophobia! We've had quite enough of this 'fair enough' reasonable polite business thank you very much. Time for a bun fight.

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2015 16:47

That's the second time I've seen the phrase smoking 'on' someone

It's weird. I wonder if it's going to become an MN thing?

Traditionally it's been called smoking 'near' or 'around' someone.

Irrelevant I know Grin

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 05/08/2015 16:48

It's the coffee shops fault really as tables were really close together but she did get very irate with me Blush

OP posts:
Nabootique · 05/08/2015 16:49

I think it's when they're smoking "in" someone that we'll have to really worry.

The5DayChicken · 05/08/2015 16:49

Every time I hear it Worra, I imagine someone literally sat on top of the baby while having a fag. In this scenario, I imagine the fag would be the least of the OP's worries! Grin

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/08/2015 16:50

I didn't think of homophobia when I wrote fag bashing, no offence of course Wink.

noeffingidea · 05/08/2015 16:50

I would be a bit surprised to see someone take their newborn baby into a smoking area, tbh. Unless they wanted a fag themselves, of course.

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2015 16:50

But you said (if I read it rightly) the woman was smoking when you got there?

Rather than expect her to stop, surely you would have picked another coffee shop or just waited 5 minutes (max) til she stopped?

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 05/08/2015 16:51

True but friend did need to sit down (nausea) and woman had nearly finished but then lit up another one!

I do accept I'm in the wrong though Smile

OP posts:
NewLife4Me · 05/08/2015 16:52

YABVU no harm to you or your pregnant friend.
I'd have been rude to you too, as there is nowhere inside for a smoker to go.

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2015 16:52

The5DayChicken I imagine them draped across the complainer's lap...wearing an evening gown and using a long cigarette holder Grin

Dontloookbackinanger · 05/08/2015 16:52

MrsGently thank you for your weather report. I can confirm it was sunny here this morning (DS playing outside in sprinkler). It's now a little overcast.

Rather less thanks for the inane attempt to justify blowing smoke over children.

smokers have been forced outside so don't complain when they smoke there

I'm afraid I WILL complain if a smoker is being antisocial. Being permitted to smoke outside is not a carte blanche to do whatever the hell you want and sod everyone else.

Nabootique · 05/08/2015 16:54

ahhhhhh. Continue, please.

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2015 16:54

Being permitted to smoke outside is not a carte blanche to do whatever the hell you want and sod everyone else.

Nor is being pregnant or having a newborn that you've chosen to sit with in a smoking area.

To be fair

ArendelleQueen · 05/08/2015 16:58

Some people are cockwombles. Pink admits she was being unreasonable, there's no need to continue berating her.

Pumpkinpositive · 05/08/2015 17:00

It's the coffee shops fault really as tables were really close together but she did get very irate with me

What did she say? Go on, tell us. I do hope she didn't swear near a baby or a foetus (even if she did blow smoke near 'em).

If her reaction was totally disproportionate to your polite (I hope?) request then it may turn out her unreasonableness completely cancels out your unreasonableness and you are Even Stevens. Grin

WorraLiberty · 05/08/2015 17:00

I haven't seen anyone continuing to berate her?

All I can see are posters replying to other people's posts.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 05/08/2015 17:00

Calm down Dont, jeez, no one is having a go at you here Hmm. Was a genuine question, I was suprised somewhere in the UK wasn't '50+ shades of grey' today. I also mentioned myself (as with most smokers I know), would go out of their way to not smoke directly 'on' to people. However, some circumstances mean that you will occasionally be near a smoker outside a pub or cafe. I also, I think quite rightly, pointed out that outside you're likely to breath in other fumes as well. Yes, once in a blue moon you will come across an inconsiderate smoker, but that's just life. Hell is other people at times - unless they are causing direct harm that you cannot avoid, there's not a whole lot you can do.

specialsubject · 05/08/2015 17:05

stinkers can make outside quite unpleasant, but there's really no alternative. I tend not to go for cafes with outside tables because you never know when a stinker will sit nearby. You need to be somewhere which allows you to move upwind to clear the reek.

not much to be done, really.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/08/2015 17:09

Are you trying to be deliberately provocative special?

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 05/08/2015 17:10

Stinkers? Seriously? How old are you. I hope you only ever eat bland foods and your farts smell like roses, special, otherwise you may be a hypocrite.

londonrach · 05/08/2015 17:12

Yabu. As someone who hates being near smoke i just move. My problem so therefore i move..inside if necessary!

Ilovecrapcrafts · 05/08/2015 17:15

How close were you to her that she was blowing it over you? Confused were you face to face or something? Awkward