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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask lady to stop smoking near my newborn and pregnant friend?

189 replies

pinktrufflechoc · 05/08/2015 15:49

Out for coffee and a friend went in to get them and a woman is smoking. Friend is pregnant and I have a newborn.

I asked her to stop and she was being rude to me and said she'd smoke outside if she wanted!

Do you think I was unreasonable? I think it's horrible ...

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 05/08/2015 16:16

Its annoying though because on nice days, non smokers have no where to sit outside cafes because smokers are out there.

Yabu though smoking outside is allowed..

The5DayChicken · 05/08/2015 16:18

YABU. Especially so if there are ashtrays on the tables (and therefore the seating is likely to have been provided with smokers in mind). Even more so if she got there first (and it sounds like she did).

RachelRagged · 05/08/2015 16:19

YABU

Smokers can ONLY smoke outside now . People wanted that, you got it .

As for your friend, didn't like the smoke, inside made her sick. Perhaps next time coffee at Home may be better

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 05/08/2015 16:20

I'm pregnant, and if there was a smoker outside/near me, I'd be the one to move. However, in my case it's not just for my baby's health - I'm also having massive cravings and might jump the poor sod for their fag Grin. Seriously though, when I did smoke (gosh, feels like a lifetime ago now), if I was on the street, I would try and move away from the general crowds and most certainly when near young children. Sat down in a beer garden/outside coffee shop though - no, they gave us tables with ashtrays for a reason. Anyway, no need to lecture further I guess, just learn and move on.

Dontloookbackinanger · 05/08/2015 16:23

I guess you had the option of going inside. But why the hell should you & kids be forced indoors on a sunny day just so she can puff away on her cancer stick? Surely she could exercise some restraint for the time it takes to have a coffee.

I'm going against the majority and saying YANBU.

Moreshabbythanchic · 05/08/2015 16:24

Smokers have been pushed outside by non-smokers and now non-smokers don't like smokers being outside. I suggest you MOVE.

I don't smoke anymore but would happily sit by a smoker just for the fumes

PHANTOMnamechanger · 05/08/2015 16:25

The ONLY scenario in which YWNBU to mention this, is if she asked to sit at a chair at your table because there was nowhere else to sit, and THEN had the temerity to light up and blow her smoke all over you all. IMO, she would be in the wrong then.

In the scenario as reported, YABsilly and precious, and thats as a non smoker who cant stand smoke but understands folk have the right to do it in the appropriate areas.

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 05/08/2015 16:28

Fair enough. It did feel like the town centre was just filled with smokers today (I know I am super sensitive to it because of new DD and not wanting friend to be sick - smoke never bothered me when pregnant for some reason and it was always artificial smells like air fresheners which set me off.)

I was really polite when I asked, honestly. I was a bit surprised someone would smoke on such a new baby and an obviously pregnant woman.

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 05/08/2015 16:29

and as people are always being told on here, just because you are pg or have a baby, does not mean the entire world suddenly revolves around you, and you need to realise that.

MOST smokers, IME, are considerate, verging on apologetic and embarrassed, but some really do not give a stuff about anyone elses comfort at all, and some are deliberately out to seek a stand up row!

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 05/08/2015 16:30

Don't, I don't know where you are, but it's not that sunny today. I'd rather be indoors. Anyway, as others have said, smokers have been forced outside so don't complain when they smoke out there. Oh, as for nasty fumes passing over in open air - if you're in a town I can promise you, you're inhaling many more horrid things without thinking about it as well. Her air-diluted second hand smoke for a couple of minutes barely makes a difference. Best not to turn this into a "all smokers are foul" type debate, it's not what it's about is it.

MarchLikeAnAnt · 05/08/2015 16:33

She could have been having a really shitty day and just wanted a fag and coffee in peace.

I can't imagine second hand smoke outside with fresh air would do much harm, surely car fumes are more toxic?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 05/08/2015 16:35

With the greatest respect the women is smoking outside so she's breaking no rules.
The world doesn't stop because you have a new born and your friend is pregnant. Yes harsh but true

TheEponymousGrub · 05/08/2015 16:37

But actually it's a bit more complicated than LEGAL = OK; ILLEGAL = NOT OK.

Currently, smoking outdoors in legal in UK, so she was doing nothing illegal - fine. When smoking used to be legal indoors, she'd have been doing nothing illegal, but still, smoking indoors wasn't really fine, was it? Which is why they banned it.

There's an in-between stage before something is banned, while it's legal but clearly objectionable.

In US, outdoor smoking is banned in a growing number of places, and it'll quite possibly end up that way in UK too. We'll look back and think it obvious that it was unacceptable that non smokers had nowhere to sit outside cafes/bars etc because smokers were out there with the smoke blowing right over them.

SylvanianCaliphate · 05/08/2015 16:38

You can't just say fair enough.

This is aibu not a coffee morning.

The form is you now add in something game changing, drip feed better info supporting your arguments, either throw in SN or a disability.
Accuse us of being disablist, racist, bigoted sexists and tell us to fuck off.

Fair enough indeed.

Nabootique · 05/08/2015 16:39

FGS not another smokers bashing thread Hmm I thought we'd had enough after that glut the other week.

Nabootique · 05/08/2015 16:40

Or just disappear with no further posts, Sylvanian, don't forget that possibility.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 05/08/2015 16:40

Maybe pink is new and isn't aware there was a fag bashing thread not long ago.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 05/08/2015 16:40

But actually it's a bit more complicated than LEGAL = OK; ILLEGAL = NOT OK.

Yes, I agree.

I wouldn't be terribly comfortable lighting up around a baby or a pregnant woman, but then again I'm not a smoker.

Bubblesinthesummer · 05/08/2015 16:41

I was really polite when I asked, honestly. I was a bit surprised someone would smoke on such a new baby and an obviously pregnant woman

She wasn't smoking on your DD.....

If you don't like smoking near your DD then also don't go anywhere where there are car fumes etc ie stay indoors Wink

steppedonlego · 05/08/2015 16:42

So what you're saying is that you went and sat by someone who was already smoking and demanded they stopped?

I'm a smoker, and if you came and sat by me, I'd definitely not light up, I'd wait until I either left or you left, but if you came and sat by me whilst I was already smoking id assume you were fine with it. If you then told me to stop I'd have the same reaction as this woman.

YABU

Nabootique · 05/08/2015 16:43

Oh, it was just a general "FGS".

The5DayChicken · 05/08/2015 16:43

Smoking on your DD? Bleeding hell, how close was she??? Confused

Pumpkinpositive · 05/08/2015 16:46

Smoking is allowed on the external premises of cafes/restaurants? This is news to me. Confused

I thought it was completely banned on any licenced premises, inside or out.

I must really walk around with my head in the clouds. Blush

TattyDevine · 05/08/2015 16:46

YABU

Original poster
pinktrufflechoc · 05/08/2015 16:46

Didn't see the other cig thread - sorry!

OP posts:
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